Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by marieJa
So everyone here thinks that I should just share my body even though I don't feel like it? I can perfectly see the situation from my husband's point of view (the reason why I have been having sex with him too often for my taste), but what no one seems to see here that sharing a body is a different thing than e.g. cleaning the house or doing any other kind of a favour. It feels like a violation of own space and identity.
Unless I want it too.
Should he share his mind or attention or would you prefer him to shutdown and only talk and pay attention to you once a month?
It sounds dumb, but it is NOT EASY getting along with someone who has different likes, different personality, and not "one of the boys". We do it because we love you, and I'd say getting along and staying positive all day with my wife takes a lot more effort than her laying down with me for 15 minutes and showing me a bit of attention in return.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Some very good points here...
My main problem is that I am afraid that I'll lose him. I have been carrying this resentment for more than a year now, and it isn't getting any better.
So, in clear words: I am being an understanding wife, seeing what he needs and giving that to him - while I myself become more and more unhappy in our marriage. When I married him I knew I should compromise, but what I didn't know was how bad it feels to try to want to have sex, forcefully, so that our marriage would survive.
I don't want our marriage to be like that! Maybe I am naïve, but I don't think it is a good marriage where the other feels forced to do something so that the other would stay.
(And no, of course he has never forced me to do anything. That is how I feel, anyway. And also others think that way - as one of the comments here was that if I go on my way and have sex only once a month, our marriage will fail.)
Actually, I am VERY willing to give him a BJ as often as he wants. Maybe I could talk him into it... Obviously, he doesn't like it as much as he can't please me that way. But maybe if I told him that I don't want to be pleased that way so often anyway? Would it be awful to hear that?
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by wifewifewife
I don't think anyone should be calling you selfish. Not everyone has the same sex drive, and sex drive is not something we have a lot of control over. You have a good lover in a husband, and if you are having sex three times a week, I think that is generous of you under the circumstances. Many men would be thrilled if their wives were willing to have sex three times a week.
I think in a few years her husband will be here asking the forum what has changed in his marriage that his wife no longer enjoys sex with him. He will be complaining that maybe they do it once a month, when they used to do it 3 or 4 times a week. Little did he know, she felt VIOLATED when she was doing it 3 or 4 times a week and his relationship physically was doomed long before he knew it. Hopefully she is communicating with him now.
By the way, it is selfish. A low ATTENTION drive towards my wife wouldn't cut it in this world, as a low SEX drive doesn't cut it for me. Putting in the time and effort to pay attention, be loving, stay positive, and keep your wife happy takes way more work, effort and time than having 30 minutes of sex 3 times a week ever will. I am sorry. A low sex drive is a complete farce (AS AN EXCUSE) imo. You may not like or want sex as much as your spouse, but using a "sex drive" as an excuse is wrong. The same as me saying not paying attention to my wife has something to do with my attention span. WELL I BETTER LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION.
It's selfish and men give up A LOT to be with a woman, especially the GOOD MEN.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Do you dislike sex or do you dislike sex with HIM? What do you resent? Pushing through it rarely works. You need to dig deep and find out what's really going on.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
If you aren't willing to bend, then divorce him.
That may seem pretty harsh but the fact is--he wants to have sex with you, his wife. He married you thinking he was going to get laid regularly. (Most people think this when they marry). So either you step up to the plate or leave this man so he can find someone who will.
Don't stay in a relationship where you can't meet eachothers' most basic needs. Maybe you just need to find someone who doesn't want sex just like you don't.
This threads always fascinate me. Even in my abd relationship with my exH, we were still averaging 2-3x a week.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
MarieJa...You are just like my wife. Sex is never on her mind or it wasn't until recently. We had it 2 times a month and that was too much for her. Now it's 3 times a week. I think it was a chore for her. It still seems that way. I THINK she enjoys it more now or pretends to when I started to sleep in the other room.
I really hope that my wife would rather have sex than house cleaning. I don't want my wife to have sex for me, I want her to want it too.
I would like to know more of why you don't even think about it so I can understand where my wife is coming from. I don't want to feel that I am violating or attacking my wife. That hurts. If you are thinking that way, There is a good chance he feels it. I know I feel it when (even though she initiates sex) she wants it to be over and done with. The sooner the better. ouch! It doesn't help my ego much.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
If you were single, this would be awesome! You could just go get some when you felt like it.
But you're not single. You're married to a man with VERY real needs. Needs that if aren't met, can cause major problems in the marriage.
Marriage isn't about what you want. It's about what works for the both of you. It's about putting your mate's needs above your own. If you both do that, then there's a healthy compromise.
Maybe it's time to get honest with yourself and him.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans
If you aren't willing to bend, then divorce him.
That may seem pretty harsh but the fact is--he wants to have sex with you, his wife. He married you thinking he was going to get laid regularly. (Most people think this when they marry). So either you step up to the plate or leave this man so he can find someone who will.
Don't stay in a relationship where you can't meet eachothers' most basic needs. Maybe you just need to find someone who doesn't want sex just like you don't.
It's totally not fair to him to be married to someone that doesn't want him sexually.
To the OP please please please either fix this or let him go while he's still young enough to find someone else that desires him in a way that he deserves.
And just lying on your back suffering through it is NOT desire.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by marieJa
Some very good points here...
My main problem is that I am afraid that I'll lose him. I have been carrying this resentment for more than a year now, and it isn't getting any better.
So, in clear words: I am being an understanding wife, seeing what he needs and giving that to him - while I myself become more and more unhappy in our marriage. When I married him I knew I should compromise, but what I didn't know was how bad it feels to try to want to have sex, forcefully, so that our marriage would survive.
I don't want our marriage to be like that! Maybe I am naïve, but I don't think it is a good marriage where the other feels forced to do something so that the other would stay.
(And no, of course he has never forced me to do anything. That is how I feel, anyway. And also others think that way - as one of the comments here was that if I go on my way and have sex only once a month, our marriage will fail.)
Actually, I am VERY willing to give him a BJ as often as he wants. Maybe I could talk him into it... Obviously, he doesn't like it as much as he can't please me that way. But maybe if I told him that I don't want to be pleased that way so often anyway? Would it be awful to hear that?
offer the compromise with the truth that having full blown intercourse when your not in the mood is causing resentment to build and thats not healthy for any marriage and then say but I don't mind taking care of your needs with a nice blow job if you need it! I know if my wife said that to me I would have thought I won the lottery!
333Likes
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often? 
