Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
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Originally Posted by marieJa
Hey,
Some time has passed since I last visited here, and I thought to update.
Our relationship has improved! We have talked about the lovemaking issue, and it turns out that I just need much more hugging and other non-sexual contact than sex itself. When I have that, I don't so much mind having sex also.
To each his own, I guess?
We do not have sex so often anymore, though. My husband took my complaints seriously, and he doesn't want me to grow resentment.
We are very happy.
No "we" aren`t happy.
You`re happy because you got what you want.
Your husband is meekly agreeing with you so as not to rock the boat and keep you happy.
I give him a couple of years (tops) of resentment building up before he starts balling the hot chick at work who keeps flirting with him.
After a couple of years of the starvation you provide that hot little co-worker is going to seem like a world rocker to him.
He`s gonna love it.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
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Originally Posted by sinnister
Not sure if this is a dead thread or not but wanting sex once a month at 25 will turn into not wanting sex at all by 30. That's my wife.
And if I had not gone through with the wedding when she was 25 I would actually have had a sex life these past 8 years.
Nothing beats shedding the sort of relationship you are describing. Been there and done that.
Now, if I feel this will potentially be the future, I excuse myself from any further contact with the lady and let her find somebody better suited to be her date.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
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Originally Posted by SprucHub
This is exactly the point! The "HD" person lives his/her life not knowing whether the "LD" person is just different or just does not love them. I.e., the "LD" person just has LD for me and a HD for my efforts, work and money, and maybe a HD for the next comer.
And it is very difficult to conclude that the "LD" person is just different because love means happily doing thing to make the other person happy. Not having sex with your spouse, not liking sex with your spouse, or resenting having sex with your spouse (regardless of what you would choose to do if you were not married) implies a lack of true love and respect.
Exactly. Also the HD spouse doesn't understand why the LD spouse isn't interested
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Sex and marriage go hand in hand.
Ok, i understand having a low drive, but withholding sex from someone you say you love it causes a lot of problems for the HD partner. The HD spouse doesn't quite understand why the LD partner doesn't want to have sex as often as the HD partner.
You can get your self in the mood more often, but your husband has to have realistic expectations. I am not saying everyday. You have to compromise and so does he.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Your husband sounds like a wonderfully, caring and loving man. If I were you I would find a way of meeting HIS needs, not just once a month when you do feel like it. I don't mean to sound harsh, but whilst your low libido isn't your fault, you're depriving someone who obviously loves you of something he craves and needs...
Have you discussed your low libido with your gynae? Perhaps it's a hormonal issue that could be solved.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Obviously a lot of opinions on this. I'm wondering if the poster is reading anymore? But like lots of people, I want to chime in. My first marriage I was young and eventually HATED having sex with my husband because I didn't like the way he treated me - had no idea what my sex drive was because I had not explored it enough and then it was never my choice. I'd never really been able to ask myself what I liked or express it. Now that I'm older and have had more time to explore my own sexuality on my own terms, I can't imagine thinking of sex as a chore. Any time my man has wanted me, I'm there. I may not physically "feel" like sex - I really only do once a month too - but I know that I can warm up to it almost anytime, anywhere because it really is mostly in my head. I don't have to orgasm. It just feels good to have him inside me and I focus on that. Not for him - but for me. It feels good to me, and it can to you too. It doesn't have to feel like a chore, but if it does I suspect it's because you have some unexpressed resentments.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
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Originally Posted by ladybird
Exactly. Also the HD spouse doesn't understand why the LD spouse isn't interested
I don't think that's necessarily so. I think it's just as likely the HD spouse understands the LD spouse but has a fundamentally different point of view.
I, for instance, understood perfectly well that my ex had very little to zero sexual attraction to me for the duration of our marriage. I just did not agree with her perspective that sexual satisfaction was unimportant in marriage and that she should not have to try to meet my sexual need if she did not want to.
IMO, the reason so many marriages come to a crisis over this is not because the HD and LD spouses do not understand each other, but rather because they understand perfectly well what is going on and can no longer avoid the obvious truth.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
I wouldn't be okay with once a month, I wouldn't even pretend that would be okay with me. But, if it really works for the two of you, then that's your business. Good Luck to the both of you.
Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often?
Quote:
Originally Posted by marieJa
I am a low libido female, 25 years old. I feel the need for sex once in a month (a week before my period). Otherwise, it never comes to my mind, and I mean NEVER. And I'm happy with that!
My husband is the opposite. It might be one day of a month when he doesn't want sex (sex for him is equal to pleasing me). He is a gentle and generous lover, always putting my pleasure first: he could give me oral for hours, he makes sure I get many orgasms etc. And he enjoys every second of it - he calls it the best way to express his love for me.
But I just don't need that kind of an attention that often! I do need it sometimes, but only sometimes. I would MUCH rather enjoy other kind of pleasure from him, like a back rub, but NO. He wants to give me sex. And when I don't initially want it but I do it for him, the whole act feels like a chore. When I do want it, it is great. But I want it so rarely (well, I don't feel it is too rarely for me, but for him, it is).
I guess our ways of expressing love are very different. I wouldn't mind pleasing him, but to give one's body to someone when you don't want it yourself is not a pleasant feeling at all.
So - what to do? Continue having chore-like sex (so that he gets what he wants), or have it once a month (so that I get what I want)?
When you get all you want and more then there is a strong possibility of getting spoilt - like the case of my wife... But now I have decided against that... and she will find out the different way... being a gentleman has its own risks sometimes... some women may take you for granted .
On the advise side - mix it up, try what works for you.... indulge, trust me if he starts getting the feeling of having been given the short end of the stick then the currnt feeling of yours may start feeling like a luxury !
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Re: I want sex once a month - why should I have it more often? 
