Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
As to those having daily sex (multiple times at that!) you know what the old saying is...it's those who talk about it so much that aren't doing it.
Haha, I think the term you are looking for is " those that brag, never sh@g"
I take a lot of what people write about frequency with a pinch of salt.
I keep my frequency to myself, as long as me and hubs are fine with how often that's all that matters at the end of the day and not what others are doing. Posted via Mobile Device
Of course they do not fully understand it is the age difference that is the issue.
Any post from a woman who talks about her spouse wanting too much sex is met with what SHE NEEDS TO DO and that she should GIVE BJ's to make up for the gap. Seldom is it said that heck yep he should be okay 1-2X/wk of quality fun sex.
Fine don't agree with me..... I just was making an observation based on what I have read and yes did exaggerate the point for effect.
in the thread you quoted, wife wants it once a month, and there was quite a bit of advice on compromising. What I see a lot of is the urging that both spouses recognise that they have marital responsibilities and that in order to have a satisfying marriage, those responsibilties should be addressed.
It's not just sex on TAM, the infidelity board is usually pretty busy too. It seems one of the biggest problems in marriage revolves around some aspect of intimacy, why wouldn't it be talked about a lot amongst others going through similiar situations? Posted via Mobile Device
Any post from a woman who talks about her spouse wanting too much sex is met with what SHE NEEDS TO DO and that she should GIVE BJ's to make up for the gap. Seldom is it said that heck yep he should be okay 1-2X/wk of quality fun sex.
It seems you`re injecting facts not in the posts you cite though.
Here you say..
"Seldom is it said that heck yep he should be okay 1-2X/wk of quality fun sex."
About a thread where a woman is complaining because she can`t seem to understand why sex once a month in a marriage isn`t enough for her husband, not 1-2 times a week but once a month ONLY when she`s ovulating and in the mood..
Then there`s the fact that the thread in question doesn`t really advocate for "fun quality" sex but more like "Chore sex" which I don`t see as either fun or quality.
It just seems the thing you`re complaining about doesn`t exist.
I think the OP is delusional if he/she thinks spouses who are deprived of physical contact that includes sex are responsible for the problems in their marriage. Over the twenty years that I was married, things dwindled down to a handshake as being "it" after about seven years. That's not to say there was no sex, but seldom more that twice a month and sometimes nothing in six weeks.
This, all the while my ex having it with others while I was woking to provide for her and the two children that tow of her studs had provided her.
Now that I'm single, I could have it more often, but since I don't intend to stay in any relationship for more than a few weeks, other than maintain a friendship, I don't.
My wife and I have sex every day. I wouldn't say I am obsessed with sex but I really really really really really ...(later that day)... really really like it. I'm in my late 40's and she is counting the days until my drive lowers. Sex is wonderful! I love talking about it, thinking about it, engaging in it.
You strike me as someone who is getting more than enough sex and therefore can't imagine what all the fuss is about. Imagine you never got it. Or got it infrequently. Or only got it half-heartedly as a reward for doing something. There's lots of folks like that out there and they can't help but obsess about it because they are not in a healthy sexual relationship as you appear to be.
So I say, let's keep talking about it, thinking about it, and above all doing it! So keep it up guys, and ladies, keep it tight.
When I read your posts, it just seems like you are really troubled and angry.
What was your childhood like?
I dont think she sounds troubled or angry I think she gets tired of people put in boxes and every body is the same. She has said that saying all men are one way or all women are another isnt right.
I find your question a dismissal and you ask it many times but weird only about women. I would like to hear about your childhood that you think only women have childhood issues. I have met both men and women who have issues from bad parents.
That is true. I think this was worded wrong. I think what she was meaning was about a post where the husband got sex 5 times a week and others called the wife selfish.
That is true. I think this was worded wrong. I think what she was meaning was about a post where the husband got sex 5 times a week and others called the wife selfish.
Well she is, because he wants it everyday if not more!!!!!!!
My wife and I have sex every day. I wouldn't say I am obsessed with sex but I really really really really really ...(later that day)... really really like it. I'm in my late 40's and she is counting the days until my drive lowers. Sex is wonderful! I love talking about it, thinking about it, engaging in it.
So I say, let's keep talking about it, thinking about it, and above all doing it! So keep it up guys, and ladies, keep it tight.
I just wanted to respond as a woman who constantly had sex because my husband never stops thinking about it... He is mid 40 and he walks around as stiff as a teenager.
Today, thank God, my husband has come to learn that he has never shown me respect in that area of our lives. (there were many, many areas - which are all being addressed) but I am just replying to the daily sex.
If your wife is counting the days til your sex drive lowers, why in the hell would you be having daily sex? You DO sound like someone obsessed if you cannot give your wife a few nights of peace per week. Sex IS important in a marriage. It is important that when ONE does not feel like it, she is not doing it to 'keep you happy'... This is an area of negotiation. I can tell you that when my desire for daily sex, fell down to a few days a week and my husband would push and beg and grind the other nights until I finally gave in (force), soon my drive dwindled to never bet I still had to do it all the time in order to 'make him happy' so I could get rest.
It is selfish, disrespectful and abusive to be having it daily when you clearly know damn right well that she does not want it daily. Not giving you a hard time here but just giving you the perspective of a woman who is married to man with a drive like yours.
Today, while we are working on our marriage I want NOTHING to do with sex - now that he is actually being respectful and not insisting on it daily and making it a requirement in order that I get peace. Today, he is willing to negotiate it and accept 2 to 3 nights a week and unfortunately, now that he has spent so many years abusing this area of our relationship, I am still just 'giving in' on those occasions. I DO get turned on. I DO want sex. I AM responsive and often I am throbbing when I get into bed, but I look at HIM and it is GONE! So, I quietly scream in my head while I paste on a smile and pretend that I want it those 2 to 3 times a week.
No, I am NOT screwed up. NO, I am NOT a prude. I LOVE sex.. the problem is I don't trust or respect him in the bedroom any longer because he spent years thinking ONLY about HIS desires and never caring for a second about me.
So, if you know your wife does not feel like it daily and she is doing it daily anyways - with a smile on her face - she may be carrying resentments against you. You are very unfair to HER. It is cruel and abusive.
Like others have said in the 1x/month thread the main message conveyed back was don't just have sex 1x/month like it's a chore. Explore what the issue is with a therapist and compromised.
I don't think that makes for a sex obsessed message, it's a word of warning to her before he embarks on a path that will almost undoubtedly lead to heart break and/or divorce.
It's not just TAM, it's a lot of our society in general, and really, it's a lot of the essence of the human condition.
We may see more emphasis on it because of our constantly plugged in, instant gratification society, but I think it's always been there ... thrumming along in the veins of men and women alike since the beginning of time.
Now... trying to effectively manage the 'obsession' to the betterment (as opposed to the detriment) of BOTH spouses and the marriage is a tricky, yet fundamental and fulfilling, thing that is so often difficult to do - hence the issues and emphasis we see on TAM.
Haha, I think the term you are looking for is " those that brag, never sh@g"
I take a lot of what people write about frequency with a pinch of salt.
I keep my frequency to myself, as long as me and hubs are fine with how often that's all that matters at the end of the day and not what others are doing. Posted via Mobile Device
Agree with this 100%; and when you are young you always think you're fooling someone or pulling the wool over their eyes - it's all part of being young.
I just wanted to respond as a woman who constantly had sex because my husband never stops thinking about it... He is mid 40 and he walks around as stiff as a teenager.
Today, thank God, my husband has come to learn that he has never shown me respect in that area of our lives. (there were many, many areas - which are all being addressed) but I am just replying to the daily sex.
If your wife is counting the days til your sex drive lowers, why in the hell would you be having daily sex? You DO sound like someone obsessed if you cannot give your wife a few nights of peace per week. Sex IS important in a marriage. It is important that when ONE does not feel like it, she is not doing it to 'keep you happy'... This is an area of negotiation. I can tell you that when my desire for daily sex, fell down to a few days a week and my husband would push and beg and grind the other nights until I finally gave in (force), soon my drive dwindled to never bet I still had to do it all the time in order to 'make him happy' so I could get rest.
It is selfish, disrespectful and abusive to be having it daily when you clearly know damn right well that she does not want it daily. Not giving you a hard time here but just giving you the perspective of a woman who is married to man with a drive like yours.
Today, while we are working on our marriage I want NOTHING to do with sex - now that he is actually being respectful and not insisting on it daily and making it a requirement in order that I get peace. Today, he is willing to negotiate it and accept 2 to 3 nights a week and unfortunately, now that he has spent so many years abusing this area of our relationship, I am still just 'giving in' on those occasions. I DO get turned on. I DO want sex. I AM responsive and often I am throbbing when I get into bed, but I look at HIM and it is GONE! So, I quietly scream in my head while I paste on a smile and pretend that I want it those 2 to 3 times a week.
No, I am NOT screwed up. NO, I am NOT a prude. I LOVE sex.. the problem is I don't trust or respect him in the bedroom any longer because he spent years thinking ONLY about HIS desires and never caring for a second about me.
So, if you know your wife does not feel like it daily and she is doing it daily anyways - with a smile on her face - she may be carrying resentments against you. You are very unfair to HER. It is cruel and abusive.
Thank you for sharing. What you said is helpful for my own situation laureen.
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