Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I've come to the realization that so many people here are plain obsessed about it. The amount of discussion and posts where people think anything less then daily sex is sexless amazes me.
Yes, I consider that for me anything less than daily sex is unacceptable.
Thankfully Morrigan agrees with me.
Trust me, my spouse would be aghast reading how much sex people on here are having (or expect). Add to that everyone expecting pornstar sex lasting hours, multiple orgasms, and all the men lasting 10-60 minutes on average.
You've been peeking in my bedroom window again haven't you? Cheeky devil.
Line me up against the wall.... I'll admit it too .... I enjoy talking about sex, thinking about sex and having sex.... why sugar coat it . Thank God my husband enjoys it too -or I'd be an one angry ranting poster here!
Truth is....I even posted on a Sex Addiction forum before I landed here. I was going through SOMETHING over the top -what you men in puberty deal with.....it was taking over my mind... loved it ...but it was tormenting at the same time... and well.. this C R A Z Y experience opened my eyes to things I have been missing in my marraige for far far too many years.... I've cried buckets over it....wanting to go back in time...wish my husband was stiff 3 times a day...I envy all you women.
So here I am.... I speak about it. What we have learned through our experience.... HIS PAIN.... my ignorance ..... where WE missed it communicatively... it was never deliberate or on purpose.... Does it have any value .....I don't know!
It seems most men on here are not like MY husband... so maybe not. He never pushed himself on me, nor did he ever, even for a day....deprive me of emotional fullfillment ...like many women on here complain in their marraiges..I can not relate to that.... so all that leaves me is... I was the bad one, I was the neglectful one !! .... So now I am very very hotly passionate on the other side -because of my own mistakes & regrets in this life.
In it's own way...it has been a Therapy FOR ME to write here, I hope you all can put up with me ! To slowly let go our my many regrets of not being there sexually for my husband in the way he NEEDED, craved and missed... If I can spare some others this ignorant fate in their early marraiges -if they are married to these GOOD MEN.... to help them understand what I didn't...but so easily could have .... had I had some sexual mentors in my life inspiring me...how valuable!
I feel RDJ was the Best mentor for men here ..and he took some slack for it.... he has moved on it seems. Some men chewed him out. He missed it fighting with his wife cause he wanted MORE SEX, he had that raging drive that younger men struggle with... (I get it !).... then growing older realizing he was missing the emotional -what his wife needed from him (Oh the big divide between the sexes!)
Even if a handful can be influenced by my words....then in MY EYES...it was worth the telling.
I am no longer Sex addicted (believe it or not)... ..I need forplay again!....but our marraige has taken new wings - climbed to greater heights I never imagined ....due to my revelatioins during that 8 month sex obsession frenzy... where I remained totally faithful ... but darn was I ever having some fantasies going on!
So you'll have to excuse some of us more passionate posters here. I'm guilty as sin ....and loving it anyway !!
Someday all of THIS may come crashing down, my husband worries menapause will do me in..becoming a passion of the past.....so he is going to take what he can get... but somehow I'm banking that won't touch what I have learned and felt so deeply in how it has enhanced ....US.
I just wanted to respond as a woman who constantly had sex because my husband never stops thinking about it... He is mid 40 and he walks around as stiff as a teenager.
Today, thank God, my husband has come to learn that he has never shown me respect in that area of our lives. (there were many, many areas - which are all being addressed) but I am just replying to the daily sex.
If your wife is counting the days til your sex drive lowers, why in the hell would you be having daily sex? You DO sound like someone obsessed if you cannot give your wife a few nights of peace per week. Sex IS important in a marriage. It is important that when ONE does not feel like it, she is not doing it to 'keep you happy'... This is an area of negotiation. I can tell you that when my desire for daily sex, fell down to a few days a week and my husband would push and beg and grind the other nights until I finally gave in (force), soon my drive dwindled to never bet I still had to do it all the time in order to 'make him happy' so I could get rest.
It is selfish, disrespectful and abusive to be having it daily when you clearly know damn right well that she does not want it daily. Not giving you a hard time here but just giving you the perspective of a woman who is married to man with a drive like yours.
Today, while we are working on our marriage I want NOTHING to do with sex - now that he is actually being respectful and not insisting on it daily and making it a requirement in order that I get peace. Today, he is willing to negotiate it and accept 2 to 3 nights a week and unfortunately, now that he has spent so many years abusing this area of our relationship, I am still just 'giving in' on those occasions. I DO get turned on. I DO want sex. I AM responsive and often I am throbbing when I get into bed, but I look at HIM and it is GONE! So, I quietly scream in my head while I paste on a smile and pretend that I want it those 2 to 3 times a week.
No, I am NOT screwed up. NO, I am NOT a prude. I LOVE sex.. the problem is I don't trust or respect him in the bedroom any longer because he spent years thinking ONLY about HIS desires and never caring for a second about me.
So, if you know your wife does not feel like it daily and she is doing it daily anyways - with a smile on her face - she may be carrying resentments against you. You are very unfair to HER. It is cruel and abusive.
Hi Laureen,
Your post makes me sad. There are likely a lot of women who 'suck it up' until they just can't anymore.
I guess I am a firm believer in being truthful...and not sucking things up just for the sake of keeping the peace.
If my husband would not have been willing to hear me out and would not have been willing to work with me to sort out our differences in the disparity of our drives, then our marriage would have been surely doomed to fail.
No one needs to stay silent in their marriage. Everyone does have choices, albeit they may be very difficult - including the choice of whether they want to continue to feed the beast of resentment from past hurts.
Wishing you the best as you move forward, Laureen.
I always love your posts, SA. From prairie muffin to sex kitten
I can identify with a lot of what you say, especially wishing that you knew back then what you know now.
I married my wife to have an ongoing love affair with her, to be her best male friend and to be her husband to raise our children and enjoy life together.
Marriage for me is a sexual relationship. I believe that having a satifying sexual relationship with your spouse is vitally important. It may not be the only thing but it is a requirement.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-15-2012 at 03:05 PM.
I always love your posts, SA. From prairie muffin to sex kitten
I can identify with a lot of what you say, especially wishing that you knew back then what you know now.
Prairie Muffin...No, I am the Cowgirl now. I know I speak alot of MUSH on this forum too ... but damn it - I DO speak it all from the heart, whatever the emotion.
And...... REGRETS SUCK ! I hate 'em, want to drown them in the ocean. I still want a time machine sometimes.
I always love your posts, SA. From prairie muffin to sex kitten
I can identify with a lot of what you say, especially wishing that you knew back then what you know now.
Whenever I read one of SA's post I truely think that the key to world peace would be for each woman to have a nice dose of testosterone for one week and guys to experience PMS. Maybe not at the same time...that could trigger the apocalypse. Posted via Mobile Device
"I just think that there really is an unrealistic view about what is normal on TAM and the advise given.
Here is a thread where two younger women claim wanting it daily with their older husbands."
urely the issue is not about what is "normal" , btu about disparity in expectations between the two partners. If one wants it a lot, and the other doesnt, what wrong with the other doing something for them ,eg BJ or HJ or whatever? ISnt that about doing something loving for your partner and helping them with their needs?
Sex, ladies and gentlemen ... is what enabled you to log onto the internet and read this post. Even as I type ... millions of people across the globe ... are knocking boots.
Of course ... terms and conditions apply. Please see your partner for additional details.
Sex, is being. Take away that preoccupation, for any species ... and they will not remain a species for long.
It is why we are different ... and why our differences bring us together, whether we don't take out the trash, or listen with vigorous intent about what happened on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Whenever I read one of SA's post I truely think that the key to world peace would be for each woman to have a nice dose of testosterone for one week and guys to experience PMS. Maybe not at the same time...that could trigger the apocalypse. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm totally obssessed with sex. During my first marriage I closed those needs off to keep my sanity (married to alcoholic). After I left him I went on a self exploration mission...so I could figure out what I liked and how I liked it without any messy emotional crap getting in the way. Finally I have a man I love and trust and he has ED issues which keep him from approaching me as often as I'd like. So yeah....I'm obssessed. It's all I think about some days.
Haha, I think the term you are looking for is " those that brag, never sh@g"
I take a lot of what people write about frequency with a pinch of salt.
I keep my frequency to myself, as long as me and hubs are fine with how often that's all that matters at the end of the day and not what others are doing. Posted via Mobile Device
Back in my home country there is a saying translates to "Those who kiss and tell arent kissing but telling stories instead" I wonder about some. If the sex life is so great why feel the need to always tell the world about it? Keep it to your self and be happy. I think those who say to much arent telling the truth.
Sex is great. Keep it special. If it is a problem I under stand asking for help but if great, why say what happens?
I've come to the realization that so many people here are plain obsessed about it. The amount of discussion and posts where people think anything less then daily sex is sexless amazes me.
A poor women, who needs professional help to at least see where things stand and where her issues lie because she wants and enjoys sex 1X/mth and yet is doing it 20X's/mth as a good wife is met with derision. I read how terrible a person she is and her poor spouse........
I read continual threads where people are upset if they are having sex less then daily. Who are you people????
I feel like a freak wishing for sex 2-3x's/wk and thinking how content I'd be. Heck not sure if I could keep up with daily sex or whether it would be fun after a while. Add to that I read that I probably need testosterone shots, because I don't want it more.
Trust me, my spouse would be aghast reading how much sex people on here are having (or expect). Add to that everyone expecting pornstar sex lasting hours, multiple orgasms, and all the men lasting 10-60 minutes on average.
Do you have time for work, family, hobbies and time to read and respond to 20 different threads too on TAM???
Even as tongue in check this is ridiculous.
It is quite normal and expected that where there is a significant gap the LD spouse should feel some responsibility to bridge the gap just as the HD spouse has to accept he or she shouldn't feel victimized if sex isn't instantly available on demand.
The difficult truth that LD spouses don't want to hear (and I don't consider those who don't want it every single day as necessarily LD) is that they have an obligation to deal with the gap. It is not a case of "well I just don't it as much so therefore I give up and it is not my problem."
I can only assume that for the OP the sex lives of others leads to feelings of inadequacy that in the constant human quest to normalize our own behaviour requires that others be labelled as "obsessive" rather then just being happy for them and not feel the need to match it.
OTE=Lionelhutz;681604]Even as tongue in check this is ridiculous.
It is quite normal and expected that where there is a significant gap the LD spouse should feel some responsibility to bridge the gap just as the HD spouse has to accept he or she shouldn't feel victimized if sex isn't instantly available on demand.
The difficult truth that LD spouses don't want to hear (and I don't consider those who don't want it every single day as necessarily LD) is that they have an obligation to deal with the gap. It is not a case of "well I just don't it as much so therefore I give up and it is not my problem."
I can only assume that for the OP the sex lives of others leads to feelings of inadequacy that in the constant human quest to normalize our own behaviour requires that others be labelled as "obsessive" rather then just being happy for them and not feel the need to match it.[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
269Likes
Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM 
I hate 'em, want to drown them in the ocean. I still want a time machine sometimes.
