People Obsessed with Sex on TAM - Page 4
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Like Tree246Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-15-2012, 02:29 PM   #46 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Montreal
Posts: 2,619
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star View Post
Haha, I think the term you are looking for is " those that brag, never sh@g"

I take a lot of what people write about frequency with a pinch of salt.

I keep my frequency to myself, as long as me and hubs are fine with how often that's all that matters at the end of the day and not what others are doing.
Posted via Mobile Device
Exactly; and I would complain about sexless too...those who follow me might have noticed I'm not complaining so much about that anymore . And that's all I'm going to say about that!
CandieGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-15-2012, 02:32 PM   #47 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 44
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Enchantment View Post
Hi Laureen,

Your post makes me sad. There are likely a lot of women who 'suck it up' until they just can't anymore.

I guess I am a firm believer in being truthful...and not sucking things up just for the sake of keeping the peace.

If my husband would not have been willing to hear me out and would not have been willing to work with me to sort out our differences in the disparity of our drives, then our marriage would have been surely doomed to fail.

No one needs to stay silent in their marriage. Everyone does have choices, albeit they may be very difficult - including the choice of whether they want to continue to feed the beast of resentment from past hurts.

Wishing you the best as you move forward, Laureen.
I hear you loud and clear. But this is where I HAVE made hard choices. If I now NEVER want it and he will now negotiate ALL areas of our lives (and he is trying very hard to be a good partner these days - as am I. His cruel treatment invaded every area and I did NOT do the hard things back then. Leaving would have been right a long time ago. I withdrew from our marriage and hid in bottle instead) then indeed, I absolutely MUST still negotiate that area of our lives. Sex, after all, IS very important in a marriage.

The fact is I firmly believe I will divorce him but I have chosen to give us each time to find a place in our marriage where we are comfortable with each other. So, until that decision is actually made, I absolutely DO have to do those things I no longer want to do. I don't believe I will ever trust him again or feel warm feelings for him again. And indeed, it is sad because there was a time when I loved him so deeply... It is very very sad and that is exactly the reason I shared it.

To try to give this guy a little glimpse of what may be happening inside his wifes heart and head every time she engages 'daily' while wishing he had a lower drive. I don't care how fantastic everything is in the marriage. She could be treated like a treasure in all areas... But, if sex is being required daily then really, of what value is REALLY being placed on her?

While I understand what you have said, if two people are staying together because there is a commitment to put time and effort into saving a marriage then one cannot 'opt out' of sex. But both can negotiate for what is acceptable for both parties. I cannot just refuse to do it when I don't want to because we would just never have sex. Not acceptable for him! Thank you for your kindness.
Laureen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 02:39 PM   #48 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Wild blue yonder
Posts: 4,826
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laureen View Post
I just wanted to respond as a woman who constantly had sex because my husband never stops thinking about it... He is mid 40 and he walks around as stiff as a teenager.

Today, thank God, my husband has come to learn that he has never shown me respect in that area of our lives. (there were many, many areas - which are all being addressed) but I am just replying to the daily sex.

If your wife is counting the days til your sex drive lowers, why in the hell would you be having daily sex? You DO sound like someone obsessed if you cannot give your wife a few nights of peace per week. Sex IS important in a marriage. It is important that when ONE does not feel like it, she is not doing it to 'keep you happy'... This is an area of negotiation. I can tell you that when my desire for daily sex, fell down to a few days a week and my husband would push and beg and grind the other nights until I finally gave in (force), soon my drive dwindled to never bet I still had to do it all the time in order to 'make him happy' so I could get rest.

It is selfish, disrespectful and abusive to be having it daily when you clearly know damn right well that she does not want it daily. Not giving you a hard time here but just giving you the perspective of a woman who is married to man with a drive like yours.

Today, while we are working on our marriage I want NOTHING to do with sex - now that he is actually being respectful and not insisting on it daily and making it a requirement in order that I get peace. Today, he is willing to negotiate it and accept 2 to 3 nights a week and unfortunately, now that he has spent so many years abusing this area of our relationship, I am still just 'giving in' on those occasions. I DO get turned on. I DO want sex. I AM responsive and often I am throbbing when I get into bed, but I look at HIM and it is GONE! So, I quietly scream in my head while I paste on a smile and pretend that I want it those 2 to 3 times a week.

No, I am NOT screwed up. NO, I am NOT a prude. I LOVE sex.. the problem is I don't trust or respect him in the bedroom any longer because he spent years thinking ONLY about HIS desires and never caring for a second about me.

So, if you know your wife does not feel like it daily and she is doing it daily anyways - with a smile on her face - she may be carrying resentments against you. You are very unfair to HER. It is cruel and abusive.
Wow. Sounds more like a business relationship rather than a marriage. Does she do it when she doesn't feel like it. Yes she does. Do I take out the garbage or mow the lawn when I don't feel like it? Yes I do. Did I go shopping for a new mattress with her just yesterday, WITH A MIGRANE, when I didn't feel like it. You are DANG right I did. Why?

Because we love each OTHER. Not ourselves. She gives, I take. I give, she takes.

I'm abusive and cruel? Excuse me? Do you know me? So if loving sex with my wife, if finding her fricken' HOT, if desiring her 24/7 is abusive and cruel then call me Hitler. Geez, talk about judgmental.
sandc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 02:49 PM   #49 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Montreal
Posts: 2,619
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Dean* View Post
Having a wife being obsessed with Sex could be a really good thing.

Just think of all the free thinking time we would have.

A man could spend more thinking about his golf game, taking that fishing trip
with the guys or working with his son on developing a better curve ball.

Wife would be the one trying to figure out how to get us in the mood and
whether to go slow or fast.

We would just be all smiles walking back to bedroom know our wife was going to rock our world.

Only if her husband is on the same page .
CandieGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 02:51 PM   #50 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 6,515
Default

Our disparity in desire really helped me to better understand and love my wife.

UOTE=Enchantment;681414]I am surprised you didn't broaden your scope.

It's not just TAM, it's a lot of our society in general, and really, it's a lot of the essence of the human condition.

We may see more emphasis on it because of our constantly plugged in, instant gratification society, but I think it's always been there ... thrumming along in the veins of men and women alike since the beginning of time.

Now... trying to effectively manage the 'obsession' to the betterment (as opposed to the detriment) of BOTH spouses and the marriage is a tricky, yet fundamental and fulfilling, thing that is so often difficult to do - hence the issues and emphasis we see on TAM. [/QUOTE]
Posted via Mobile Device
MEM11363 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 02:52 PM   #51 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Wild blue yonder
Posts: 4,826
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway View Post
ooooh oooh oooh, Mr. Kot-taire!!!

Ah, home from church. I prayed for world peace, forgiveness, my sanity, AR's turtle and the power to understand how the thermodynamic process unwinds itself inside Entropy's avatar.

I time dh with a stopwatch. If he ever falls under 17 minutes, 6.8 seconds, I tear into him like a chimp on a caramel banana.

If dh "sticks" it close to me, then it'll probably get sucked. He should know better than to dangle a worm near a trout. It's not like he whips it out in the middle of Burger King.

I am a rich, lazy, bored, stoopid housewife whose husband works and has a long commute and children are in school all day. So other than lobbying to get Martha Stuart off the air permanently I have nothing to do. My alter-ego is the Bad@ss Blonde Bimbette from Planet Babblec*ck, send here to rid the world of bl*wjoblessness.

Speaking of bl*wjobs, dh gets six hundred and thirty-four of them in five days. I'm really quite tired.

Dh could not last sixty minutes. My pflaume is simply too hot and melts his p*nis.

Seriously, who cums up with this nonsense? Timed intercourse? Pornstar sex? I don't measure my sex life against how often others are doing the happy hyena.

As long as I clutch the sheets and yell, "My world is ending, baby! I see polka-dot squirrels on bicycles all around me!" at least once, I'm good.
Your husband must be the happiest man on the whole dang planet. You have a great sense of humor! Sounds like you *might* be fairly decent in bed too. Good for him!

I think I'm going to start a new thread called "My Wife Isn't Sarcastic Enough." Because frankly, I need more sarcasm from her. How do I get her to become more sarcastic anyway? Do you think it's her diet?
sandc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:06 PM   #52 (permalink)
Member
 
LovesHerMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,336
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway View Post
ooooh oooh oooh, Mr. Kot-taire!!!

Ah, home from church. I prayed for world peace, forgiveness, my sanity, AR's turtle and the power to understand how the thermodynamic process unwinds itself inside Entropy's avatar.

I time dh with a stopwatch. If he ever falls under 17 minutes, 6.8 seconds, I tear into him like a chimp on a caramel banana.

If dh "sticks" it close to me, then it'll probably get sucked. He should know better than to dangle a worm near a trout. It's not like he whips it out in the middle of Burger King.

I am a rich, lazy, bored, stoopid housewife whose husband works and has a long commute and children are in school all day. So other than lobbying to get Martha Stuart off the air permanently I have nothing to do. My alter-ego is the Bad@ss Blonde Bimbette from Planet Babblec*ck, send here to rid the world of bl*wjoblessness.

Speaking of bl*wjobs, dh gets six hundred and thirty-four of them in five days. I'm really quite tired.

Dh could not last sixty minutes. My pflaume is simply too hot and melts his p*nis.

Seriously, who cums up with this nonsense? Timed intercourse? Pornstar sex? I don't measure my sex life against how often others are doing the happy hyena.

As long as I clutch the sheets and yell, "My world is ending, baby! I see polka-dot squirrels on bicycles all around me!" at least once, I'm good.
You outdid yourself, LF!! People can hear me laughing in the next county!
LovesHerMan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:06 PM   #53 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 30
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Havesomethingtosay View Post
I've come to the realization that so many people here are plain obsessed about it. The amount of discussion and posts where people think anything less then daily sex is sexless amazes me.

A poor women, who needs professional help to at least see where things stand and where her issues lie because she wants and enjoys sex 1X/mth and yet is doing it 20X's/mth as a good wife is met with derision. I read how terrible a person she is and her poor spouse........

I read continual threads where people are upset if they are having sex less then daily. Who are you people????

I feel like a freak wishing for sex 2-3x's/wk and thinking how content I'd be. Heck not sure if I could keep up with daily sex or whether it would be fun after a while. Add to that I read that I probably need testosterone shots, because I don't want it more.

Trust me, my spouse would be aghast reading how much sex people on here are having (or expect). Add to that everyone expecting pornstar sex lasting hours, multiple orgasms, and all the men lasting 10-60 minutes on average.

Do you have time for work, family, hobbies and time to read and respond to 20 different threads too on TAM???
Have I agree with you.

Although as someone mentioned, this is the sex forum, but I got the idea that you were referring to all the fora and not only this particular one.

And as someone else said, we are hardwired to obsess over sex.

But depending on my mood, it is either funny or somewhat irritating when women and men paint themselves to be smokin hot sex machines in every post. Like you said, anything else going on in those minds/relationships/lives?

Also, some people are intensely private and, like one poster mentioned, don't tend to share those details with others unless seeking help for a problem. Other types are very social and enjoy putting all their thoughts out there. To each his/her own.

If you're wanting to share an issue like that, oddly enough I wouldn't suggest this thread--try the "Thinking about divorce or separation." There is a whole lot less bravado (and maybe more honesty).
Suzyque is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:10 PM   #54 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 514
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway View Post
"Sounds like you *might* be fairly decent in bed too."


Thanks. I think.



As far as the sarcasm, it's something you're born with, but that doesn't mean she can't work on it. Practice makes perfect.
You mean that wonderful post was all sarcasm???!!!!


Too bad. Luckily I had already written to Santa Claus asking for a wife just like that. Next thing you will be telling me he didn't get my letter.
Lionelhutz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:11 PM   #55 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 96
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway View Post
ooooh oooh oooh, Mr. Kot-taire!!!

Ah, home from church. I prayed for world peace, forgiveness, my sanity, AR's turtle and the power to understand how the thermodynamic process unwinds itself inside Entropy's avatar.

I time dh with a stopwatch. If he ever falls under 17 minutes, 6.8 seconds, I tear into him like a chimp on a caramel banana.

If dh "sticks" it close to me, then it'll probably get sucked. He should know better than to dangle a worm near a trout. It's not like he whips it out in the middle of Burger King.

I am a rich, lazy, bored, stoopid housewife whose husband works and has a long commute and children are in school all day. So other than lobbying to get Martha Stuart off the air permanently I have nothing to do. My alter-ego is the Bad@ss Blonde Bimbette from Planet Babblec*ck, send here to rid the world of bl*wjoblessness.

Speaking of bl*wjobs, dh gets six hundred and thirty-four of them in five days. I'm really quite tired.

Dh could not last sixty minutes. My pflaume is simply too hot and melts his p*nis.

Seriously, who cums up with this nonsense? Timed intercourse? Pornstar sex? I don't measure my sex life against how often others are doing the happy hyena.

As long as I clutch the sheets and yell, "My world is ending, baby! I see polka-dot squirrels on bicycles all around me!" at least once, I'm good.
Are you trying to be funny? She was saying what she sees here and I do to. A bunch of complaining about sex that no matter how much it isnt good enough. He wont do this, she wont do that. A lot of anger towards spouses that no matter what they do it doesnt matter. I have read posts about things that make my skin crawl. It seems like many want sex on command and to act in a way they dont want to. Maybe it was said to upset people but I have read it here.
MominMayberry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:12 PM   #56 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Wild blue yonder
Posts: 4,826
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway View Post
"Sounds like you *might* be fairly decent in bed too."


Thanks. I think.



As far as the sarcasm, it's something you're born with, but that doesn't mean she can't work on it. Practice makes perfect.
I guess I need to work on my sarcasm too. I forget not everyone knows me.
sandc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:14 PM   #57 (permalink)
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,253
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway View Post
ooooh oooh oooh, Mr. Kot-taire!!!

Ah, home from church. I prayed for world peace, forgiveness, my sanity, AR's turtle and the power to understand how the thermodynamic process unwinds itself inside Entropy's avatar.

I time dh with a stopwatch. If he ever falls under 17 minutes, 6.8 seconds, I tear into him like a chimp on a caramel banana.

If dh "sticks" it close to me, then it'll probably get sucked. He should know better than to dangle a worm near a trout. It's not like he whips it out in the middle of Burger King.

I am a rich, lazy, bored, stoopid housewife whose husband works and has a long commute and children are in school all day. So other than lobbying to get Martha Stuart off the air permanently I have nothing to do. My alter-ego is the Bad@ss Blonde Bimbette from Planet Babblec*ck, send here to rid the world of bl*wjoblessness.

Speaking of bl*wjobs, dh gets six hundred and thirty-four of them in five days. I'm really quite tired.

Dh could not last sixty minutes. My pflaume is simply too hot and melts his p*nis.

Seriously, who cums up with this nonsense? Timed intercourse? Pornstar sex? I don't measure my sex life against how often others are doing the happy hyena.

As long as I clutch the sheets and yell, "My world is ending, baby! I see polka-dot squirrels on bicycles all around me!" at least once, I'm good.
I`m saving this post to a text file.

I`m just going to save it for when I really need a smile.

tacoma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:15 PM   #58 (permalink)
Member
 
2nd_t!me iz_best's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Off to Never Never Land
Posts: 4,283
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sandc View Post
I guess I need to work on my sarcasm too. I forget not everyone knows me.
yeah, have to have at least 500 posts here to be taken seriously on your sarcasm.
2nd_t!me iz_best is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:15 PM   #59 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 44
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sandc View Post
Wow. Sounds more like a business relationship rather than a marriage. Does she do it when she doesn't feel like it. Yes she does. Do I take out the garbage or mow the lawn when I don't feel like it? Yes I do. Did I go shopping for a new mattress with her just yesterday, WITH A MIGRANE, when I didn't feel like it. You are DANG right I did. Why?

Because we love each OTHER. Not ourselves. She gives, I take. I give, she takes.

I'm abusive and cruel? Excuse me? Do you know me? So if loving sex with my wife, if finding her fricken' HOT, if desiring her 24/7 is abusive and cruel then call me Hitler. Geez, talk about judgmental.

I did not judge you. I referred to something that you, yourself wrote. You stated that you do it every day and that your wife is counting the days until your drive diminishes. Yes, you are cruel and abusive if you have sex with a person who you know wishes you wanted less sex. If she wishes your sex drive is lower but has sex with you DAILY then indeed, she does not WANT it daily otherwise she would not wish that!! DUH!!

You are offended because someone suggested to you that your wife may be doing something against her will which means that if you put her first, you may not get things YOUR WAY.

And you ARE right. My marriage HAS become a business relationship and it is not all about his behavior in our bedroom. It is everywhere in the marriage but I must say, even if he was 100 % perfect in every other way and showed me every day that I was important to him.... it would have meant nothing if every single night I had to have sex to shut him up. It IS selfish and abusive to do something to/with someone when you know they don't want to, just because YOU want to.

I am extremely desirable which my husband claims is the reason why he wants it so often. Soooo..... I should just say, "OMG!!! I am so flipping flattered that you want to stick your body parts in mine AGAIN because I have such a bangin body that you cannot act your age and show some respect for me?" Um, I don't think so... SO, we now have an 'arrangement'. I sincerely hope that instead of being offended and becoming defensive again, that you take seriously the words of other people who can speak from the bitter experience you are talking about, from the womans point of view. Sex is NOT all about YOU. It is about what BOTH of you desire from each other and it should be negotiated so BOTH parties are comfortable with the frequency.
Laureen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2012, 03:18 PM   #60 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 514
Default Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MominMayberry View Post
I have read posts about things that make my skin crawl. It seems like many want sex on command and to act in a way they dont want to. Maybe it was said to upset people but I have read it here.
I'm not trying to be merely argumentative but I haven't seen that at all, anything close to it or anything that could be mistaken for that.

There are a few trolls or clueless people who post with odd expectations but it is not like they are given wide support.

I haven't seen anyone claim to expect sex on demand or a wide round of support from posters saying "Well of course, daily and instant gratification, is normal married life"
Lionelhutz is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My friend is obsessed with people having kids Jennifer4488 The Family & Parenting Forums 6 06-01-2012 11:31 AM
I'm obsessed-I need help! Azuera Coping with Infidelity 25 03-24-2011 10:08 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:29 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage