Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I did not judge you. I referred to something that you, yourself wrote. You stated that you do it every day and that your wife is counting the days until your drive diminishes. Yes, you are cruel and abusive if you have sex with a person who you know wishes you wanted less sex. If she wishes your sex drive is lower but has sex with you DAILY then indeed, she does not WANT it daily otherwise she would not wish that!! DUH!!
You are offended because someone suggested to you that your wife may be doing something against her will which means that if you put her first, you may not get things YOUR WAY.
And you ARE right. My marriage HAS become a business relationship and it is not all about his behavior in our bedroom. It is everywhere in the marriage but I must say, even if he was 100 % perfect in every other way and showed me every day that I was important to him.... it would have meant nothing if every single night I had to have sex to shut him up. It IS selfish and abusive to do something to/with someone when you know they don't want to, just because YOU want to.
I am extremely desirable which my husband claims is the reason why he wants it so often. Soooo..... I should just say, "OMG!!! I am so flipping flattered that you want to stick your body parts in mine AGAIN because I have such a bangin body that you cannot act your age and show some respect for me?" Um, I don't think so... SO, we now have an 'arrangement'. I sincerely hope that instead of being offended and becoming defensive again, that you take seriously the words of other people who can speak from the bitter experience you are talking about, from the womans point of view. Sex is NOT all about YOU. It is about what BOTH of you desire from each other and it should be negotiated so BOTH parties are comfortable with the frequency.
You are one uptight lady. You're projecting your bad relationship with your husband on everyone else. Well, actually just me right now. I'm going to ask my wife to respond to this a little later. She can tell you how oppressed she is firsthand. I promise it will be her typing. I'll just be standing behind her with my trusty caveman club in my hand making sure she says exactly what I want her to.
Honestly though, I hope you and your husband work things out.
Any post from a woman who talks about her spouse wanting too much sex is met with what SHE NEEDS TO DO and that she should GIVE BJ's to make up for the gap. Seldom is it said that heck yep he should be okay 1-2X/wk of quality fun sex.
You are completely mis-representing the issue. The OP in the thread you linked was taken to task because (1) she wanted to decree a standard for sex, (2) was unwilling to address her low drive as a potential issue, and (3) acted as if her husband does not push himself for her (like her sacrifice was one-sided).
Besides, who makes you the arbiter of sex? Why should a man be content with weekly sex? What is your standard of "fun"? I doubt you would agree a woman should tolerate her needs being once a week or when her husband feels like it, which means that either (1) you think that "sex is different" (counts for more than other acts of service) or (2) that a man has a higher burden than the woman to provide and sacrifice.
That attitude comes through loud and clear. And, it really does sound as bad as what I've typed above. That's why people who bring that mindset ("sex counts for more", "I matter more", "I'm the only one who sacrifices") get beat-up somewhat here.
You are one uptight lady. You're projecting your bad relationship with your husband on everyone else. Well, actually just me right now. I'm going to ask my wife to respond to this a little later. She can tell you how oppressed she is firsthand. I promise it will be her typing. I'll just be standing behind her with my trusty caveman club in my hand making sure she says exactly what I want her to.
Honestly though, I hope and your husband work things out.
Hey, whatever you say. Maybe you still miss the part of you having it every day and she wishes your drive was lower. And THAT is the part I replied to. As I said, even if my husband treated me like I was important to him in EVERY WAY, EVERY DAY... It would not matter in the end if I HAD to have sex every day when I did not want to every day.
And I am absolutely NOT uptight. I just don't want it from my husband any longer. And I cannot go there with someone else until I get a divorce. So, while I work on the marriage I do what I have to do - a couple of days a week.
And if I loved my husband and he was feeling attacked on a message board, I might jump to his defense too, while quietly enduring the daily grind and saying it is all good.... even though I don't want to every day, no problem honey as long as YOU'RE happy!!!
It is pointless for you to post something if nobody is allowed to reply to you with any point of view that does not support your thoughts. I now think you posted it to boast to your male counterparts, otherwise you would take a woman's point of view seriously. So, I am done conversing with a boaster.
Hey, whatever you say. Maybe you still miss the part of you having it every day and she wishes your drive was lower. And THAT is the part I replied to. As I said, even if my husband treated me like I was important to him in EVERY WAY, EVERY DAY... It would not matter in the end if I HAD to have sex every day when I did not want to every day.
And I am absolutely NOT uptight. I just don't want it from my husband any longer. And I cannot go there with someone else until I get a divorce. So, while I work on the marriage I do what I have to do - a couple of days a week.
And if I loved my husband and he was feeling attacked on a message board, I might jump to his defense too, while quietly enduring the daily grind and saying it is all good.... even though I don't want to every day, no problem honey as long as YOU'RE happy!!!
It is pointless for you to post something if nobody is allowed to reply to you with any point of view that does not support your thoughts. I now think you posted it to boast to your male counterparts, otherwise you would take a woman's point of view seriously. So, I am done conversing with a boaster.
I just wanted to respond as a woman who constantly had sex because my husband never stops thinking about it... He is mid 40 and he walks around as stiff as a teenager.
Today, thank God, my husband has come to learn that he has never shown me respect in that area of our lives. (there were many, many areas - which are all being addressed) but I am just replying to the daily sex.
If your wife is counting the days til your sex drive lowers, why in the hell would you be having daily sex? You DO sound like someone obsessed if you cannot give your wife a few nights of peace per week. Sex IS important in a marriage. It is important that when ONE does not feel like it, she is not doing it to 'keep you happy'... This is an area of negotiation. I can tell you that when my desire for daily sex, fell down to a few days a week and my husband would push and beg and grind the other nights until I finally gave in (force), soon my drive dwindled to never bet I still had to do it all the time in order to 'make him happy' so I could get rest.
It is selfish, disrespectful and abusive to be having it daily when you clearly know damn right well that she does not want it daily. Not giving you a hard time here but just giving you the perspective of a woman who is married to man with a drive like yours.
Today, while we are working on our marriage I want NOTHING to do with sex - now that he is actually being respectful and not insisting on it daily and making it a requirement in order that I get peace. Today, he is willing to negotiate it and accept 2 to 3 nights a week and unfortunately, now that he has spent so many years abusing this area of our relationship, I am still just 'giving in' on those occasions. I DO get turned on. I DO want sex. I AM responsive and often I am throbbing when I get into bed, but I look at HIM and it is GONE! So, I quietly scream in my head while I paste on a smile and pretend that I want it those 2 to 3 times a week.
No, I am NOT screwed up. NO, I am NOT a prude. I LOVE sex.. the problem is I don't trust or respect him in the bedroom any longer because he spent years thinking ONLY about HIS desires and never caring for a second about me.
So, if you know your wife does not feel like it daily and she is doing it daily anyways - with a smile on her face - she may be carrying resentments against you. You are very unfair to HER. It is cruel and abusive.
I, for one, totally hear what you are saying. But your post sounds like your husband was lacking in several other areas. By contrast, the OP linked to a post where the wife admits he is a great guy yet she still wants to cut him way down. So, in a way it sounds like two different issues.
In your case, it's important to ask whether you would have been okay with your husband keeping his non-sexual service to you at the same level as your sexual service to him. Would you be okay with him talking about your life weekly, for instance?
The problem that I see often is that many times the answer to that question is "no". The woman has this admittedly great husband, except that he wants too much sex. Eventually the discussion turns to "you BOTH are getting lots of what you want right now; you can change if you want but you risk getting less as you give less".
At that point, many women (including that link) become indignant. They deny that their husbands also sacrifice and do things they don't want. Or they assert that sex is somehow different than the normal marital give and take. Or they assert that the man should be the main sacrificer and the woman is entitled to not try as hard or give as much.
Ah, home from church. I prayed for world peace, forgiveness, my sanity, AR's turtle and the power to understand how the thermodynamic process unwinds itself inside Entropy's avatar.
I time dh with a stopwatch. If he ever falls under 17 minutes, 6.8 seconds, I tear into him like a chimp on a caramel banana.
If dh "sticks" it close to me, then it'll probably get sucked. He should know better than to dangle a worm near a trout. It's not like he whips it out in the middle of Burger King.
I am a rich, lazy, bored, stoopid housewife whose husband works and has a long commute and children are in school all day. So other than lobbying to get Martha Stuart off the air permanently I have nothing to do. My alter-ego is the Bad@ss Blonde Bimbette from Planet Babblec*ck, send here to rid the world of bl*wjoblessness.
Speaking of bl*wjobs, dh gets six hundred and thirty-four of them in five days. I'm really quite tired.
Dh could not last sixty minutes. My pflaume is simply too hot and melts his p*nis.
Seriously, who cums up with this nonsense? Timed intercourse? Pornstar sex? I don't measure my sex life against how often others are doing the happy hyena.
As long as I clutch the sheets and yell, "My world is ending, baby! I see polka-dot squirrels on bicycles all around me!" at least once, I'm good.
Lady - You're going to get me in trouble with my husband. I keep laughing out loud, and he keeps asking me what's so funny. I just mumble about "crazy people on this forum".
I'd like to read to him what you wrote, but he's a bit on the conservative side, bless his heart, and I'm afraid he'd be a bit shocked.
Are you trying to be funny? She was saying what she sees here and I do to. A bunch of complaining about sex that no matter how much it isnt good enough. He wont do this, she wont do that. A lot of anger towards spouses that no matter what they do it doesnt matter. I have read posts about things that make my skin crawl. It seems like many want sex on command and to act in a way they dont want to. Maybe it was said to upset people but I have read it here.
You know, I really think that the brunt of the problem (at least in some cases) is not that people want sex on demand in a vacuum but that the LD people want their spouses to back off on sex yet keep their own output at the same high level.
My ex wanted to cut sex down to a minimum (once a month of bland intercourse). Yet, she expected me to continue to be the super-husband who paid all the bills and and did most of the chores. I tried to initiate a discussion that we could work something out if she was willing to bring her expectations down in line with her contributions, but she wasn't having it.
Having been there, I see a great deal of that here. I have yet to see someone say "His drive is me wearing out, and I'm willing to take less / give more in other areas to maintain balance". People ignore the fact that effort in a relationship always equalizes if the relationship lasts long enough; if there is an imbalance either the low effort partner will step it up or the high effort partner will wear out and scale back.
I don't know much about computers. Can I charge you for something like that?
Honestly you should start a blog. I think your gritty sarcasm, witty asides, snappy rejoinders, and otherwise womanly banter would brighten a lot of people's days. Think of what you do as "The Far Side" but only about sex and in print.
But I'm just a new guy, what do I know? I don't even have 500 posts yet.
And you ARE right. My marriage HAS become a business relationship and it is not all about his behavior in our bedroom. It is everywhere in the marriage but I must say, even if he was 100 % perfect in every other way and showed me every day that I was important to him.... it would have meant nothing if every single night I had to have sex to shut him up. It IS selfish and abusive to do something to/with someone when you know they don't want to, just because YOU want to.
Does this sentiment apply only to sex, or does it apply to other areas of the marriage as well? If your husband had sincerely said "my drive is simply that high. I really respect your needs, so perhaps the solution is for me to develop some separate interests." Would you be upset, or would you accept less for you as a reasonable part of you being less there for him?
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,860
Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyFrogFlyAway
ooooh oooh oooh, Mr. Kot-taire!!!
Ah, home from church. I prayed for world peace, forgiveness, my sanity, AR's turtle and the power to understand how the thermodynamic process unwinds itself inside Entropy's avatar.
I time dh with a stopwatch. If he ever falls under 17 minutes, 6.8 seconds, I tear into him like a chimp on a caramel banana.
If dh "sticks" it close to me, then it'll probably get sucked. He should know better than to dangle a worm near a trout. It's not like he whips it out in the middle of Burger King.
I am a rich, lazy, bored, stoopid housewife whose husband works and has a long commute and children are in school all day. So other than lobbying to get Martha Stuart off the air permanently I have nothing to do. My alter-ego is the Bad@ss Blonde Bimbette from Planet Babblec*ck, sent here to rid the world of bl*wjoblessness.
Speaking of bl*wjobs, dh gets six hundred and thirty-four of them in five days. I'm really quite tired.
Dh could not last sixty minutes. My pflaume is simply too hot and melts his p*nis.
Seriously, who cums up with this nonsense? Timed intercourse? Pornstar sex? I don't measure my sex life against how often others are doing the happy hyena.
As long as I clutch the sheets and yell, "My world is ending, baby! I see polka-dot squirrels on bicycles all around me!" at least once, I'm good.
That may be the funniest thing I've read all month.
Ah, home from church. I prayed for world peace, forgiveness, my sanity, AR's turtle and the power to understand how the thermodynamic process unwinds itself inside Entropy's avatar.
I time dh with a stopwatch. If he ever falls under 17 minutes, 6.8 seconds, I tear into him like a chimp on a caramel banana.
If dh "sticks" it close to me, then it'll probably get sucked. He should know better than to dangle a worm near a trout. It's not like he whips it out in the middle of Burger King.
I am a rich, lazy, bored, stoopid housewife whose husband works and has a long commute and children are in school all day. So other than lobbying to get Martha Stuart off the air permanently I have nothing to do. My alter-ego is the Bad@ss Blonde Bimbette from Planet Babblec*ck, sent here to rid the world of bl*wjoblessness.
Speaking of bl*wjobs, dh gets six hundred and thirty-four of them in five days. I'm really quite tired.
Dh could not last sixty minutes. My pflaume is simply too hot and melts his p*nis.
Seriously, who cums up with this nonsense? Timed intercourse? Pornstar sex? I don't measure my sex life against how often others are doing the happy hyena.
As long as I clutch the sheets and yell, "My world is ending, baby! I see polka-dot squirrels on bicycles all around me!" at least once, I'm good.
I am posting and commenting on what I read here. There is a poll on how long you last.... I fall short miserably... There wasn't even even a place to answer "two pump chump"......
269Likes
Re: People Obsessed with Sex on TAM 
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I see you're spending Sunday with my cousins there in Tennessee.
