I'm starting to think something is wrong with me... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 04-17-2012, 09:35 AM Thread Starter
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I'm starting to think something is wrong with me...

Hello everyone, it's been about a month and a half since I posted about my fiancee's one time relapse into porn, and since then, I believe he has not watched an ounce of it.

There are still different problems though, and I don't want to be the cause of him going back to porn...

I haven't wanted an ounce of sex from him for a long, long time. I feel as though my trust issues with him, have ultimately ruined my libido...

The other night though, I almost felt sick to my stomach. I am almost 8 months pregnant right now, and I was having a very off day...just wasn't in a good mood. He knew that, I told him I just didn't want to talk to anyone, etc. I fell asleep in the late afternoon, and woke up to him next to me. I said I wouldn't mind if we cuddled (I thought maybe it would make me feel better.)

But instead he was apparently horny, told me to get more comfortable, and when I said I was already comfortable, he began to take off my shorts and I told him I wasn't in the mood, he stuck it in anyways, and did it while I layed there completely emotionless, only making faces of pain because he was pushing down on my hips...at one point, he said "It's like I am raping you..."

My thought exactly...it reminded me of the time I woke up to one of my ex boyfriends taking advantage of me after I had taken a sleeping pill...

I cried after, he didn't even notice because I hid it. I then went and slept on the couch while he took the bed.

I'm wondering if it's my fault he's acting this way...I have tried to be supportive and do what I can to help him get over his porn addiction, but it's hard when the trust was broken, and after that...I haven't had even an ounce of lust for him.

Last night he finally masturbated by himself "apparently". I don't check his phone or computer often anymore, but I think I will have to tonight just to ease my mind. I know it's not the right thing to do, but in order for me to trust him again without constantly asking him if he has watched porn, it's what I need to do.

How can I fix my sex issues though? He's never romantic in any way, I just sort of always feel that because I am pregnant, he feels he doesn't need to be romantic...
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 04-17-2012, 11:22 AM
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Re: I'm starting to think something is wrong with me...

That is not healthy at ALL! You need to make it clear that there are some boundaries he can't cross. When you say you're not in the mood, that's not an invitation for sex. If he's so hot to trot, let him show his love for you in others ways... maybe it will help get you in the mood. I'd instruct him that if he ever tries anything like that again you are gone. The separation (temporary or not), will give him time to really think about how he treats you.

He needs to understand that in real life, women aren't like porn. They aren't instantly ready to satisfy his sexual desires. He needs to understand that unlike porn a real woman has feelings and needs, and it's his job to meet them as an expression of his love for you. Raping you is the exact opposite.

Honestly I'd wonder about the state of his heart that he could even do that to you. When my wife isn't comfortable during sex, I'm not comfortable with continuing at ALL.

You two need to see a counselor. I'd also warn him that if he tries anything like that again, you'll leave: just pack up and separate until he starts acting like a loving gentleman. If he returns to porn that's his choice (and a poor one given what you've discussed before about porn). You need to be most concerned for your safety and he needs to learn to respect you more.
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