Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Mr Vanilla
I agree that there is no right or wrong. When I said "naive" I meant it without judgement. I was pretty "naive" about human sexuality abot 5 years ago. What I mean by that is simply that there was a lot I did not know and a lot that I had never been exposed to.
I fully understand the shock factor. I've been there myself. The first time I heard a serious discussion in the real world about ... say ... The need to use tarps to control blood spatter in a SM scene my brain went into a tailspin. I just forced myself to keep looking until I really understood. But yeah, "shock" would be an understatement. For a while, the analogy I used was, "This is like deliberately holding your cheek against a belt sander." I still don't like such things myself, but at least I understand them now. Posted via Mobile Device
So she is on BC for 10 years and the marriage becomes sexless. Ironic, because if you guys turned sexless she didn't even need the BC. Also, why would you not switch BC? Why not insist on her switching BC.
Anyway, if you think your woman's most intimate body part is "gross" and makes you want to vomit, I assume she is extremely miserable. I can't imagine living with my spouse and her thinking I was gross and she'd vomit if she had to lick me. That would make me feel like absolute garbage.
Red flag post for me. You had to look up anal to even see what it was? Sorry to be rude, because I get NOT WANTING TO ANAL, but not even knowing what it was? How old are you?
What's unusual to me is naming yourself, "MrVanilla" (with a matching avatar, with the experience in ubb to use italics, obviously more internet savvy than most -- but had to research what anal was?). Honestly, I had no idea what Vanilla was until I was on a swinger site and they called "normal" dating sites, Vanilla.
It feels like a gimmick almost to me. Sorry. It's like you've made yourself a vanilla super hero that thinks oral is icky and has no clue what anal is to stir up the forum.
What an angry poster. Admittedly if I went sexless for 10 years I'd be angry too......
Actually this is funniest threads I've encountered since Trying2figureitout was a regular.
I very much doubt the OP is interested in actual help as he has told us how gross the things his spouse is now talking about are and that there is no way he will do it.
HECK, I can't get past the 10 years and another poster understanding that some people need bc and that there were no alternatives. I am sure his wife had no issues with the bc considering how much fun their sex life probably was prior to choosing this method of bc.
Think about the # of men who have posted asking about chemical castration to suppress their needs as their wives have cut them off and they won't cheat or divorce.
Btw Mr.Vanilla you didn't even answer the orgasm question, though the fact you had to look up what anal was, you may also need to look up what an orgasm is.......
So she is on BC for 10 years and the marriage becomes sexless. Ironic, because if you guys turned sexless she didn't even need the BC. Also, why would you not switch BC? Why not insist on her switching BC.
Anyway, if you think your woman's most intimate body part is "gross" and makes you want to vomit, I assume she is extremely miserable. I can't imagine living with my spouse and her thinking I was gross and she'd vomit if she had to lick me. That would make me feel like absolute garbage.
Red flag post for me. You had to look up anal to even see what it was? Sorry to be rude, because I get NOT WANTING TO ANAL, but not even knowing what it was? How old are you?
What's unusual to me is naming yourself, "MrVanilla" (with a matching avatar, with the experience in ubb to use italics, obviously more internet savvy than most -- but had to research what anal was?). Honestly, I had no idea what Vanilla was until I was on a swinger site and they called "normal" dating sites, Vanilla.
It feels like a gimmick almost to me. Sorry. It's like you've made yourself a vanilla super hero that thinks oral is icky and has no clue what anal is to stir up the forum.
Maybe I am just getting old.
I think you may be right. Troll
That or Amish, or raised on a desert island, or cloned and just released into society.
A very quick word. Before I posted anything to this site I sent a PM to the site admin with the following information. Yes, I am very familiar with this bbs, it's one of the reasons I chose this site, and that it could be possible that some members construe my questions as troll-like.
I understand that sort of behavior because I have six years of experience on another site watching for spammers and trolls. I assure you I am real, the situation is real. I thank each one of you for your opinions.
If there is anything I can do to quench this, I'm all for it.
I find it interesting in your original post you refer to the sex you have with your wife as "vanilla sex" yet you claim to not know anything about anal (you had to look it up according to a post of yours) and you profess horror at oral sex (giving or receiving). Vanilla sex has a very specific connotation in kinky communities. You knew that term, but act as though you're a babe in the woods regarding other sex acts. Something doesn't add up here...
I find it interesting in your original post you refer to the sex you have with your wife as "vanilla sex" yet you claim to not know anything about anal (you had to look it up according to a post of yours) and you profess horror at oral sex (giving or receiving). Vanilla sex has a very specific connotation in kinky communities. You knew that term, but act as though you're a babe in the woods regarding other sex acts. Something doesn't add up here...
I choose the user title of MrVanilla because it was my understanding that a person with a very limited sexual history as myself is often referred to as dull, boring, and vanilla.
I have no clue what vanilla might mean in any 'kinky community' and yes, I had a single awful oral experience that pretty much convinced me that I never want to do that again. My personal experiences would most certainly put me in your 'babe in the woods' definition, and that one oral experience is probably as 'experimental' as I ever got.
It took a long, long, time for my LOML to get me to talk about that incident, but now that I have opened up to it, I can be honest about it.
I heard jokes about anal intercourse throughout my life, but I did not know that people actually did this and enjoyed it. I had to look that up. The 2011 Indiana University sexuality study was a very real eye-opener for me.
One point, I have received oral sex many years ago and yes it was pleasurable, but I have never asked for it. After my bad experience with trying to return the favor, I have not since asked for this and have turned it down because I knew I could not reciprocate.
A very quick word. Before I posted anything to this site I sent a PM to the site admin with the following information. Yes, I am very familiar with this bbs, it's one of the reasons I chose this site, and that it could be possible that some members construe my questions as troll-like.
I understand that sort of behavior because I have six years of experience on another site watching for spammers and trolls. I assure you I am real, the situation is real. I thank each one of you for
Strike two... Pay attention fellas. Posted via Mobile Device
All I can say is I truly am sorry you have led such a sheltered life and are so out of touch.
I doubt anything we can say or do will change anything and not sure whatsoever what you want posting here.
What your loml is expressing would be would be a treasured gift to 99% of men here. To think you have been so sheltered and out of touch for 36 years (ages 16 to 52) and sexless for 10 years is plain sad.
Your response though is equally disturbing as you have posted but have no interest in doing anything.
By the way do you know what a female orgasm is? I am serious. Heck your wife may not know either considering the way you talk and post.
Strike two... Pay attention fellas. Posted via Mobile Device
Interlocutor.
You are right. I composed a PM to Mike the very first thing, and hit send, just like I tried to do for you just now, and...
apparently I can't send pms, and it never occured to me to check.
Sorry. I feel like an idiot now.
I would think I was troll too.
I think it's best I step away for a little while.
Thank you, each of you, for your kindness.
You are right. I composed a PM to Mike the very first thing, and hit send, just like I tried to do for you just now, and...
apparently I can't send pms, and it never occured to me to check.
Sorry. I feel like an idiot now.
I would think I was troll too.
I think it's best I step away for a little while.
Thank you, each of you, for your kindness.
I actually believed you all they way up until you said you didn't know what anal was, yet your name was Vanilla.
You wouldn't have had to look up anal. Real good post though, took it a bit too far with the naive act. I really like the role reversal though, especially with oral sex.
18Likes
Re: Sexually Incompatible after 18 years? 
