Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I've been happily married for over a year. I am now almost 7 months pregnant and my husband is just not interested in me sexually anymore. I haven't let myself go, I still get dressed up for him whenever I can, put on a little make up, etc. Are most men not attracted to their pregnant wife? I just don't get it. I will admit that I have turned him down a couple times when I was super tired, but I always try to please him. I'm just afraid he will look for it somewhere else. And it makes me feel like a failure at being a wife. Any advice?
I have heard from my husband and other people that they have an issue because the baby is 'right there'.
I have also heard online and such that a husband starts to see his wife as a mother rather than a sexual woman so it is hard for them.
Honestly tho, you may need to tell him to suck it up. You have needs too. If he has a problem, tell him to find a position that will work for both of you.
When we first had sex when my wife was late term I was worried about hurting the baby. Once we read that it was fine, things went just fine.
My wife went up top, though I'm sure other positions would work just fine. This way though I was far less concerned about hurting the baby since I couldn't accidentally lean on it. I just held her up there and helped her balance.
Seriously, for me pregnant sex was the best sex of my life, and I wanted it all.the.time. I would have died if hubby denied me. It is a bit more shallow in there, especially late term, but hubby never had any complaints. It is a little weird for the guy I am sure. Posted via Mobile Device
One easy position (especially when I was preggo) was him behind (standing or kneeling). You w.e way your comefy (standing or kneeling bed/couch makes good support, thorw in a pillow if you want to help keep weight off the belly). Also belly might be more out of sight out of mind. But my mr has always loved my arse. Yeah a lot of men feel a bit diffrently/unsure because your are pregnate. Some men suffer from (as my mom would put it) madonna or wh@re complex.They see women as one or the other, in a very black and white thing.
Talk to your hubby about it. Reasure him that you are willing and that theres nothing wrong with it. It wont hurt the baby. The baby wont know what you two are doing. Thats all it took to put my mr.'s mind at rest. Hope this helps and goodluck.
I've *just* been through this exact same thing in my marriage (my daughter is now 21 days old).
My husband was quite honest (blunt) about not finding me as attractive because I was pregnant. It really hurt my feelings. I went through the last months feeling ugly, gross, fat, etc. And like you, I took care of myself. I still exercised, hiked, road bikes, etc. Right up until delivery, practically. I didn't gain an enormous amount of weight, I ate right, etc. But for some guys, that just doesn't matter!
I will tell you, after the baby was born things have pretty much been back to normal. I've lost almost all of my pregnancy weight, and my husband said the other night, that he was glad I was regaining my figure, (added, "it sure beats what I was looking at a few weeks ago" - he's not the best at tact, apparently) lol
I believe the above reasons are valid, but probably the most honest one is the most obvious: you're a bigger person now then you used to be. I know that hurts a lot. It hurt me deeply. I felt "stuck" and unable to remedy a situation that caused me grief. But after the baby is born, things will get better.
Best of luck to you both, and congrats! Posted via Mobile Device
A lot of men don't feel comfortable about having sex with their pregnant wives. It's a fairly typical and normal response.
For some, it's simply a logistical nightmare. Once you're past the six month mark, that bump is very difficult to work around. For others, there really is a concern that they will "hit the baby on the head" (you have to admire the very healthy self-image these men have) and others just hate the thought of Junior having a ringside seat during the event. Then there are men who see their wives as delicate, fragile creatures during the pregnancy who should not exert themselves at all. These men want to have their wives just sit down with their feet up until the baby arrives. Some men are - although they will never admit it - just a little bit grossed out by pregnancy and they start to see their wives as a weird science experiment. Even if your husband is in this last group, don't be too worried, his sex drive and interest in you will come roaring back once you have the baby. Much sooner, in fact, than you will most likely want.
Congratulations on your soon-to-arrive baby. If you want to read what your post-baby sex life will probably be like check out Babyproofing Your Marriage.
I'm just afraid he will look for it somewhere else.
Be honest with him about how you're feeling. And remember to keep your boundaries. If you act out of fear to try and please him because you're afraid he's going to go elsewhere then not only will the situation not improve, you will start to hate and resent him.
Pay attention to your own happiness in the moment that you make a choice to try and please him. If you feel negativity I would suggest you make a different choice. You have to make choices that make you feel at peace with yourself in the moment and not choices that you hope will dissuade some disaster in the future.
Don't be afraid of some emotional and physical distance. It will happen; it happens in everyone's marriage. It's not the decline of your marriage, it just signals a new part of your relationship that you have to grow into. Be willing to talk about it with him but always protect your heart in the moment.
Thank you everyone. At least I know I'm not the only one. It's still tough though. I keep telling myself it will all be over soon, but I can't help but feel miserable knowing I can't turn on my husband the way I used to. I don't think it's him worrying about the baby or me being "fragile".
Ahhh I just can't wait to feel like my old self again. A woman, not just a "vessel" lol
I am having the opposite issue.... I'm currently pregnant and throughout each pregnancy I've been turned off by my husband... This one I asked him to ... er.. shut the door (just tonight) because the kids's tv was distracting me from reading and he apparently got a boner. Now he and others have brought up that women are usually MORE sexually active and it makes me feel like maybe somethings wrong with me for NOT being so. I do feel terrible about him seeming to be over stimulated and I'd like to do something to please him but I'm afraid I might go into early labor... my pregnancy... this one... hasn't been very comfortable for me.