sex twice a month if i am lucky
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » sex twice a month if i am lucky

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 04-25-2012, 08:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
pjp
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Default sex twice a month if i am lucky

i have been married for nearly 19 years, i am 44 and my wife is 40, we have two wonderful daughters, for the last 18 months i have tried everything to try and get my wife interested, my wife does not like going out for a drink and if i suggest going for a meal she wont go without our daughters, i cook romantic meals, i have had to ask for affection, when we do have sex i would say 60% of the time it is a major chore for her, i am not allowed to initiate sex as she covers up and stops me and immediately goes to sleep, i have to wait for her to start it, i have tried to talk to her about it but whenever i do she says she never knew there was a problem, we might have sex an extra once in a month and then back to the normal once or twice a month, my wife has called me a dirty old man if i try and do it more, it is allways on her terms, i have thought of leaving but i couldnt bear leaving my two beautiful daughters, fed up! had enough! and dont know which way to turn,
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Old 04-25-2012, 08:26 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

Why do men want to leave when the sex starts to slow down? Twice a month with your wife, with whom you have made vows to love honor through good and bad, or divorce her and be single and only have sex sporadically throughout the year when you're lucky enough to get a date?
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Old 04-25-2012, 08:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgal View Post
Why do men want to leave when the sex starts to slow down? Twice a month with your wife, with whom you have made vows to love honor through good and bad, or divorce her and be single and only have sex sporadically throughout the year when you're lucky enough to get a date?
If sex is that un-important to a woman, why does she care if he sleeps with someone else? After all, it's just sex. It obviously has nothing to do with building and maintaining a strong emotional connection...

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Old 04-25-2012, 08:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

there is nothing i wouldnt do for my wife, and i do everything for my wife, i love her with all my heart but is marraige not about give and take!
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Old 04-25-2012, 08:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgal View Post
Why do men want to leave when the sex starts to slow down? Twice a month with your wife, with whom you have made vows to love honor through good and bad, or divorce her and be single and only have sex sporadically throughout the year when you're lucky enough to get a date?
Hey Jeep, there ain't no Wizard and this isn't Oz
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Old 04-25-2012, 08:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

PJP:

This is a wildly common scenario. Read through the posts in this section of TAM (if you haven't already) and see how much company you have - lots!

I would read the "Man Up" sticky in the Men's Clubhouse and see if any light bulbs go off for you.

Take the "nice guy" test on the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" website and see if any light bulbs go off. If they do, buy the book and do the work - fantastic stuff.

Check out Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life blog.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pjp View Post
my wife has called me a dirty old man if i try and do it more, it is allways on her terms, i have thought of leaving but i couldnt bear leaving my two beautiful daughters, fed up! had enough! and dont know which way to turn,
Sounds like your wife has sexual hangups. You sound like a nice guy and that could be part of your problem as well.

This problem isn't about sex, it is fundamental to your relationship. Please reread that sentence, again and again.

Forget about sex for the time being and concentrate on fixing yourself. It will be a lot of hard work, but the payoff is huge. Your life, including your sexuality, will fall into place in ways you likely can not imagine.
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Old 04-25-2012, 08:52 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

Jeep,

Part of the vows that is understood is that the two will not persue relations with others outside the marriage. I'm willing to bet the OP will tell us (if we ask) that he and his wife had sex like mad before they married.

Sure, you can tone down the frequency a bit and contribute it to age, raising children and work schedules but only 2x a month? Ridiculous!

PJP, does your wife work outside the home? Did you have a more frequent sex life two years ago? Did anything change? Has your physical appearance changed?

You're not alone! I struggle with wanting a more active sex life too. I am a little better off than you since we average almost 1x week but my goal would be 2x a week

BTW, if you google the term "sexless marriage" I think you'l find that your frequency puts you in this category.

Time to open up the communication lines and get talking. Think about counseling because this isn't going to get better on its own.

Others will jump in and give you solid advice about how to stop doing everthing for your wife and start doing for yourself (TallaverageGuy, where are you?). Basically. stop being a doormat and smoothering her with affection and kindness.
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:00 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

one of the problems is that my wife does not come any where near me any other time, we had a great sex life a number of years ago, i have also asked her to go to counceling but the answer was "not in her lifetime", other than our sexlife we are very happy together
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

I'm not trying to put the blame on you, pjp but I know from my own experience that there are times when I just don't have any desire for sex with my h. Usually it's because he has done something to upset me and it's hard to be sexual with someone who has pissed you off.
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

i do more than my fair share of housework, looking after our daughters, cooking, and renovations to the house, the twice a month if i am lucky is supposed to be my wife trying her best to help the situation
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgal View Post
Why do men want to leave when the sex starts to slow down? Twice a month with your wife, with whom you have made vows to love honor through good and bad, or divorce her and be single and only have sex sporadically throughout the year when you're lucky enough to get a date?
Have you looked at the number of posts in this forum by women with the exact same issue?
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OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:15 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

toffer, my wife works in a office and both of us hav'nt changed much since we met, i would say we are both 3 or 4 kilo heavier but other than that the only difference is my chioce of clothes is much improved,
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:22 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

Twice a month....count yourself lucky, I have had sex with my husband twice this year!

Sorry I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it better but to be honest I have given up.There are only so many times that you can be rejetced before it slowly starts to destroy you. Have you tried talking to you wife and telling her how you feel? Perhaps you could try and reach a compromise of say 1 per week?

Good luck
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:30 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

a magic wand would be pretty good! i bagree the rejection destroys your soul, over the last 18 months i have tried on numerous occasions and my wife says everytime that she thought we were ok and happy, then nothing changes, even if we were to do it more the problem there would be over half the time i know and feel its not what she wants, knowing that your wife can do without you in the bedroom is quite soul destroying also.
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:40 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: sex twice a month if i am lucky

Then she obviously knows you are not happy and o.k with the situation. Have you been specific and told her you want more sex?

I know what you mean about nothing changes. I feel as if things slowly improve then quite quickly slip back to normal. I feel as if I am begging him for sex and it has reached a stage where he has hurt me so much, I don't really want him anywhere near me anymore. You don't really want to do it with somebody who is doing it just to shut you up do you? I don't think he has any concept of how hurtful his rejections have been to me. If it was the otherway around I could never reject him night after night after night. I find it really hard how a husband or wife can do this to their respective partners, somebody who they are suppose to love and cherish, and not care or realise the impact of their actions.

I am sorry I haven't been much help but you are not alone, take care
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