Thank you in advance to whoever reads this desperate post. Sorry for the length.
I married hubby almost 8 years ago and coming from a home with controlling and retrograde parents, I didn't understand my husband's problem in the beginning.
I am a sexual person but I could never have an orgasm with husband (had it with ex-boyfriend), and I though I was turning off my husband, until 2 years ago, when hubby admitted that he had always had a problem: unable to keep erections, the only way he ejaculates is through masturbation, either by himself or if I rub his penis.
In the beginning I was in denial, thinking that love and company was enough. But I feel frustrated and angry because not only he doesn't do anything proactive to look for a solution to his sexual issue, but also he has a very conservative personality, and I am an artist, intense and creative by nature. His family are practically religious fundamentalists and he is an extremely restrained, narrow minded person, hates new things. Added that to his impotence, it makes sexual contact very plain and limited, as he is not willing to do or try anything different.
He things that having oral sex is a huge deal. But I need penetration, intensity, a passionate relationship. I cannot help but recall all the almost embarrassing intimate moments with him and feel frustrated and even offended.
I am afraid of whining because one time I was really excited he said "why you do that sound, are you crying? am I hurting you? do the other women do this? I don't think is normal, it sounds like if you were crying..."
I am afraid of coming during oral because the first time he said "hold on! ..you are going to come in my face!" just married then and I still remember and feel hurt, even though he denied saying that, said he "spoke without thinking".
And so many other things that he later denies to say or to do, but it makes me even more frustrated when I am with him. Also, please do not take this the wrong way, but another issue for me is that my dh's penis is too thin, which makes things worse. He would not be willing to do anything about that, and I don't think there is solution either.
I hate myself for having given to this man the best years of my life, and now it's too late to find a real love.
So I don't know if I have hope or escape.
I love my husband, or I believe I do, that is why I have resisted so many years, but I cannot do it anymore.
Now I find myself dreaming with other men (unknown) and I question if I should contact my ex or find an affair. I really need sex and passionate sex.
Now I remember how many guys I used to have after me and I cannot believe that I decided to marry my husband.
To finalize I would like to add that my husband is a great father and great husband, my best friend and confidant, as a person he has a wonderful heart but is the sexual arena that is bringing so many issues.
Thank you for reading this, I hope some woman or man can feel identified with my problems. I need you advise please.
I married hubby almost 8 years ago and coming from a home with controlling and retrograde parents, I didn't understand my husband's problem in the beginning.
I am a sexual person but I could never have an orgasm with husband (had it with ex-boyfriend), and I though I was turning off my husband, until 2 years ago, when hubby admitted that he had always had a problem: unable to keep erections, the only way he ejaculates is through masturbation, either by himself or if I rub his penis.
In the beginning I was in denial, thinking that love and company was enough. But I feel frustrated and angry because not only he doesn't do anything proactive to look for a solution to his sexual issue, but also he has a very conservative personality, and I am an artist, intense and creative by nature. His family are practically religious fundamentalists and he is an extremely restrained, narrow minded person, hates new things. Added that to his impotence, it makes sexual contact very plain and limited, as he is not willing to do or try anything different.
He things that having oral sex is a huge deal. But I need penetration, intensity, a passionate relationship. I cannot help but recall all the almost embarrassing intimate moments with him and feel frustrated and even offended.
I am afraid of whining because one time I was really excited he said "why you do that sound, are you crying? am I hurting you? do the other women do this? I don't think is normal, it sounds like if you were crying..."
I am afraid of coming during oral because the first time he said "hold on! ..you are going to come in my face!" just married then and I still remember and feel hurt, even though he denied saying that, said he "spoke without thinking".
And so many other things that he later denies to say or to do, but it makes me even more frustrated when I am with him. Also, please do not take this the wrong way, but another issue for me is that my dh's penis is too thin, which makes things worse. He would not be willing to do anything about that, and I don't think there is solution either.
I hate myself for having given to this man the best years of my life, and now it's too late to find a real love.
So I don't know if I have hope or escape.
I love my husband, or I believe I do, that is why I have resisted so many years, but I cannot do it anymore.
Now I find myself dreaming with other men (unknown) and I question if I should contact my ex or find an affair. I really need sex and passionate sex.
Now I remember how many guys I used to have after me and I cannot believe that I decided to marry my husband.
To finalize I would like to add that my husband is a great father and great husband, my best friend and confidant, as a person he has a wonderful heart but is the sexual arena that is bringing so many issues.
Thank you for reading this, I hope some woman or man can feel identified with my problems. I need you advise please.