Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
While hubs reads me well, if I was in a parallel universe for the sake of this thread, and so long as I thought the guy's intention was wanting to please me (rather than hurry me), I'd feel that he just needed some guidance and reassurance. Even if he was in his 40's. Heck we all have our insecurities and we all like to feel like sexy beasts too
Without knowing his story, maybe he's been criticized sexually and he just needs to get his mojo back again. This is the way my mind goes when considering your post *shrug* but that's just me. Posted via Mobile Device
I think you're right, he's only been single since last August, hasn't dated much, and was with the same woman for 15 years. I asked him how sex was with her, I comfortable talking about that stuff most of the time, anyway he said it was good, but what does good mean?? lol. He told me it never felt like it does now, but that's only because it's new. I just wish I was feeling it more...
Ok, lets say you are getting intimate with your partner, everything is going well, the guy is performing oral, doing a fine job, the woman orgasms and expresses this vocally, physically, the whole works. Would there be a possibility that you wouldn't know??? So the guy says "did you cum".
Nice..now that is a major turn off.
I can't imagine a guy being so clueless that he wouldn't know if his partner orgasmed or not.....
thoughts?
Me & my husband were so quiet in the bedroom for many many years.....we were both somewhat repressed. ... we never talked about sex either. But still HE KNEW, in the dark... just the feel of my breathing, oh yeah... he never had to ask. Our bodies were amazingly "in sinc"...no words necessary. I am talking intercourse though.
I don't know, kinda agree with Heartsbeating there...
Quote:
maybe he's been criticized sexually and he just needs to get his mojo back again
Maybe I'm just not into him, and so I'm just looking for anything to end it.
Sounds this way to me. I'd imagine if you WERE into him, you'd be willing to consider his perspective more and help him know how good he is in bed, and help instill that feeling of confidence and comfort with you. Being with my husband for 17 years, I can only imagine how intimidated I might feel if I had a new lover. Granted, I am a sexy beast lol, but still, I'm sure it's both exhilarating and intimidating for him. Especially as you are likely a confident lover yourself and expect him to be too. Maybe you're not feeling it enough to be that woman for him. I'm not particularly patient by nature, but if I dig you (my man, my friends), I'll do my best to bring out those qualities that I'm not strong with for you. Does that make sense? Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Guys...would you ever ask this????
Are you really asking a question wanting information? or is it something else you're looking for. I ask because you go from this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by working_together
Ok, lets say you are getting intimate with your partner, everything is going well, the guy is performing oral, doing a fine job, the woman orgasms and expresses this vocally, physically, the whole works. Would there be a possibility that you wouldn't know??? So the guy says "did you cum".
Nice..now that is a major turn off.
I can't imagine a guy being so clueless that he wouldn't know if his partner orgasmed or not.....
thoughts?
(Which on second reading, doesn't sound so much like you're asking for honest information as I thought it did on first reading, But let's say you really were.)
to this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by working_together
Ok, so if your partner was giving you a great b/j, would you want her to keep asking you "are you going to cum yet", it ruins the moment, call me picky, but don't ask me questions, talk all the dirty talk you want, just don't ask me silly questions, it's really not sexy.
If you're unsure about my position, I'd encourage you to find my thread "Ladies, please don't give us hints" in the "long term success" forum.
But you're asking two very different questions. In the first, I see him asking for affirmation. In the question you're posing back to me, I see someone looking for a way out. The two are not even related.
I think unless you can communicate straight-forward and answer questions (even the ones you think are "silly questions") then you're leaving him guessing much more than you want to admit. If you do that, and he never "gets" you, then it's not his fault. He was asking ... you might want to ask yourself why he was asking.
From my experience, my wife is multi-orgasmic. I do sometimes ask her how many times she came. I never am able to keep count ... maybe because there's no blood to the mathematical part of my brain during that time. She always has a smile on her face when she answers. It's another way of asking how much she enjoyed it, and the smile on her face when she answers is probably more important than the number.
Judging from the way you're asking for "thoughts," I'm guessing you don't have a smile on your face when you answer.
But you know, even if it is something that will always bother you, I would think you should communicate to him to tell him it is a turn-off. But you need to be ready to at least invest the time in teaching/showing him what you like if you want him to be able to do it for you, and you also need to recognize that there is more to sex for him than just an orgasm, so maybe it is a part of sex that he needs.
Now on the subject of turn-offs, I can't find ANYTHING else in this thread that even APPROACHES the level of turn-off of this quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by working_together
I guess because I was with my ex for so many years, he knew by my breathing when I was going to cum, he knew by the way I moved my hips, or sighed that I was really loving it. He also knew by the way it swelled down there that I was about to orgasm and he knew not to move at all. I just loved the way he was so in tuned to my body.
but....life goes on, and sex must go on as well.
thanks for all the replies,
It doesn't sound to me like you've moved on. It doesn't sound like you're over your ex. I just can't imagine this being your attitude, and you never having communicated this to him, or signalled this to him, or in some way let him know this. In this case, I can see very easily why someone would be asking you for affirmation. Personally, when I read through the thread, I don't know why you're not still with your ex because you sure seem to have a higher opinion of him than you do of your current guy ... In that case, I can't imagine your current relationship ever being satisfying for you, and I don't think that has much to do with your current guy.
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Sounds this way to me. I'd imagine if you WERE into him, you'd be willing to consider his perspective more and help him know how good he is in bed, and help instill that feeling of confidence and comfort with you. Being with my husband for 17 years, I can only imagine how intimidated I might feel if I had a new lover. Granted, I am a sexy beast lol, but still, I'm sure it's both exhilarating and intimidating for him. Especially as you are likely a confident lover yourself and expect him to be too. Maybe you're not feeling it enough to be that woman for him. I'm not particularly patient by nature, but if I dig you (my man, my friends), I'll do my best to bring out those qualities that I'm not strong with for you. Does that make sense? Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, makes sense, I guess if we go back to "what makes a man sexy", it just doesn't flick my switch when a man is not confident, he needs to be confident in all areas. And please open your eyes once in a while....grrr
Are you really asking a question wanting information? or is it something else you're looking for. I ask because you go from this:
(Which on second reading, doesn't sound so much like you're asking for honest information as I thought it did on first reading, But let's say you really were.)
to this:
If you're unsure about my position, I'd encourage you to find my thread "Ladies, please don't give us hints" in the "long term success" forum.
But you're asking two very different questions. In the first, I see him asking for affirmation. In the question you're posing back to me, I see someone looking for a way out. The two are not even related.
I think unless you can communicate straight-forward and answer questions (even the ones you think are "silly question') then you're leaving him guessing much more than you want to admit. If you do that, and he never "gets" you, then it's not his fault. He was asking ... you might want to ask yourself why he was asking.
From my experience, my wife is multi-orgasmic. I do sometimes ask her how many times she came. I never am able to keep count ... maybe because there's no blood to the mathematical part of my brain during that time. She always has a smile on her face when she answers. It's another way of asking how much she enjoyed it, and the smile on her face when she answers is probably more important than the number.
Judging from the way you're asking for "thought," I'm guessing you don't have a smile on your face when you answer.
But you know, even if it is something that will always bother you, I would think you should communicate to him to tell him it is a turn-off. But you need to be ready to at least invest the time in teaching/showing him what you like if you want him to be able to do it.
Now on the subject of turn-offs, I can't find ANYTHING else in this thread that even APPROACHES the level of turn-off of this quote:
It doesn't sound to me like you've moved on. It doesn't sound like you're over your ex. I just can't imagine this being your attitude, and you never having communicated this to him, or signalled this to him, or in some way let him know this. In this case, I can see very easily why someone would be asking you for affirmation. Personally, when I read through the thread, I don't know why you're not still with your ex because you sure seem to have a higher opinion of him than you do of your current guy ... In that case, I can't imagine your current relationship ever being satisfying for you, and I don't think that has much to do with your current guy.
So you asked for thought, and those are mine.
Thanks for your thoughts. I was intitially curious as to whether guys actually ask this question, as I had never been asked before (not that I have many lovers). And as usual I get distracted from my questions, and go off about other things.
My ex used to ask "was it good", and that used to kind of piss me off, but I got used to it, and I knew he needed to hear it.
Am I over my ex....blah, in a lot of ways yes, some no...a process.
I think some women are afraid to hurt their lover's ego, that's me, I don't want them to get a complex.
Most of the time my wife shudders and hollers and convulses and I would have to be pretty dense to ask that question. Other times, it seems like light fluttering and I have no idea if she came at all or 100 times (she'll do this fluttering thing like 15 times and then tell me to stop).
For guys, we rub our shafts on something and it explodes once. Do not look down on us for our orgasmic ignorance.
Thanks for your thoughts. I was intitially curious as to whether guys actually ask this question, as I had never been asked before (not that I have many lovers). And as usual I get distracted from my questions, and go off about other things.
My ex used to ask "was it good", and that used to kind of piss me off, but I got used to it, and I knew he needed to hear it.
Am I over my ex....blah, in a lot of ways yes, some no...a process.
I think some women are afraid to hurt their lover's ego, that's me, I don't want them to get a complex.
I feel like I'm reading this wrong. Help me out as I try to help you consider from a different perspective?
Is it good for you? Are you usually satisfied? Because I thought the frustration was that your body language should be obvious that you are satisfied. However it seems you dislike that your lovers ask if it was good and if you came - while also mentioning here that you don't want to give them a complex?
Why would their ego be hurt? Especially if you smothered him with exhausted kisses afterwards and told them how much you loved it?
Confidence is sexy but sex is one of the most vulnerable ways to interact with another. Your ego is stripped down and bare, as much as your body. Being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be completely open is sexy, in my opinion. I think sexuality is complicated and wonderful and difficult to sum up. Posted via Mobile Device
I think some women are afraid to hurt their lover's ego, that's me, I don't want them to get a complex.
Then try not to get so defensive about the question, realize that what's going on inside doesn't always match what's going on outside, and use this opportunity to train the new guy, or get him "in tune" with you. If he asks say "Oh yeah baby that was the touch" and give him a big grin... the next time just give him the grin and no words, and if he tries to speak just put your finger on his mouth in a shushing manner. Soon enough his need to ask aloud will disappear (guys don't usually like to ask but they just want to know, this is the learning phase).
my husband also knows it's obvious that he's replaced the ceiling light bulbs that have been out, but that doesn't stop him from calling me into the room and flicking the switch on, off, on, off for me. "wtg husband"
why don't you incorporate it into your dirty talk? " oh yeah baby, right theree. That's going to make me cum. The when you're about to say I'm going to cum or I'm cumming. Something like that and see how he reacts and if he still asks.
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Re: Guys...would you ever ask this???? 
