I'd really like to get some advice on what I should do in this matter. We're in our early 20's and have only been married less than 2 years, and dating a few years before that. Is this something that could get better, or do I just have to deal with it like I'm coming to believe:
My wife recently confessed she hasn't enjoyed nor had the desire to have sex with me since our 'lusting' phase (the term she uses to describe the first 4 months of our dating in which we had sex almost daily) That lusting phase was fantastic, and I'd love to bring it back, but I'm logical here; I realize it will probably never come true.
Sex life has never been the same since then. I admit I do have endurance issues (a few minutes) about half of the time, but nothing a 2nd round or a little alcohol doesn't fix; so I don't see how that is an issue. Other than that, I'm your typical successful super-libido male 20-something. Now we are probably averaging once every 5 weeks (with one span lasting 6 months directly after we were married); and when we do she is always on top and I get the sense she is just trying to get an orgasm. There is no consideration for whether I am enjoying it or not. I often want to end it and have a talk, but lets face it... I'm a sex starved male, am I really going to end sex? Outside sex I am very outspoken, masculine, but at the same time do the majority of the chores and 'i-love-yous'. I always put my pride aside and genuinely will do anything to make her happy, and admitingly selfishly expect the same from her (which makes this all the harder to deal with).
We both have good paying jobs, good health, no children, and security all around; so I've finally come to the conclusion that she is just one of those women who don't find any enjoyment out of sex, no matter how good it or life actually is. And despite all of our talks (which I always initiate and I do 80% of the talking), she isn't convinced any measure of working on it isn't going to fix it. I just keep getting the line: "Well do you just want me to sit there and take it?" , or "I don't need sex to be happy", or "I just don't enjoy it", or "I asked my doctor and she said I was completely normal".
Very rarely we start going in the direction or sex, but its always something like: "Well you didn't do the laundry so I'm upset now", or "you're kissing me wrong I'm no longer in the mood". Which always sets me off and starts a fight.
What I'd like to know is if somehow removing more stress (such as waiting it out until I get a promotion where I can let her quit her job or moving closer to our families) might change our course, or if this is just what marriage is all about, or what. We are still very much in love, and trying to plan out our next few years and if they involve children. Is this just the future that most men are forced to go down? Living their life battling the monster that is their own libido? Because this is a hell of a monster, and after only a year I'm beaten down and exhausted.
Any advice would be appreciated more than you could ever know.