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Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates 04-30-2012 05:43 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by drmmommy (Post 712672)
I like to think that I'm pretty open and fun in bed. I'm into trying new things, even kinky stuff, I like to fantasize about all sorts of stuff, I love to watch a guy touch himself, watching other people, same room sex, whatever. I'm not usually shy in bed, except recently with hubby. I just keep thinking that he's repulsed by me, that's why he doesn't want to touch me. I don't really want to touch him either anymore, so I guess I don't have a right to complain. I went too long with his 20 second attempts at foreplay (if that)... I'm not even making any sense. I can't even think straight I'm so annoyed. I crave physical intimacy so much. What I wouldn't do for soft touches, caresses, kisses...I don't feel like doing that stuff to him anymore so I guess I can't get mad he doesn't do it to me. I guess I'm also a little jealous of all the guys on here...I just read another post where a guy wrote he'd eat his wife forever if that's what it took, and use a jackhammer if he needed to. :-(
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Yeah that is pretty cool huh- :)

drmmommy 04-30-2012 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates (Post 713676)
Yeah that is pretty cool huh- :)

Was that you? Your wife is a lucky lady!
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DvlsAdvc8 04-30-2012 05:58 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by drmmommy (Post 712558)
We discussed it lat night. I tried to explain that I need clitoral stimulation, like most women. He again said that makes him feel inadequate. I tried to explain the biology of **** entering vagina, clit is located further up, blah blah blah. I will give him credit that after our convo last night, he did touch my clit during sex, but I still wasn't turned on by him. He said he'd like me to touch him more, ok, I can do that. But I just don't feel the desire. I do have a lot of past resentment from all the years of awful sex, one sided sex, etc. I talk to my best friend a lot about it, and write a journal too. I have been very careful to keep it password protected, but maybe I should just let him read it? I don't have medical insurance for ic right now.
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I don't know how to go about being attracted to him again, but he sounds selfish in bed anyway. If you can get him to go down on you at all, buy him a book: "She comes first". Its centered around convincing guys that cunnilingus is required coreplay rather than foreplay. Its to get you off and not just warm you up for his penis. It really emphasizes the critical role of the clittoris to the female orgasm and details the entirety of the structure and various sensitivity.

If he gives you an orgasm (or tw) going down on you, you're more likely to have one (or more) with subsequent penetration even without direct clittoral stimulation. Regardless, no guy feels inadequate after giving you 2-3 orgasms. He'll feel like a beast.

He needs to be reprogrammed to stop thinking that the only orgasms to be proud of are those he gives you with his penis. Personally, there are few things that massage my ego more than going down on a girl, my arms around her thighs, and struggling to hold on when the big moment comes and those hips thrust. Its awesome when her body siezes while her legs squeeze and shudder in my arms. At that moment, as a guy, you feel like the greatest man on earth.

drmmommy 04-30-2012 06:02 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
He refuses to go down on me. The last time was sept 2011, but only cause we were trashed and I begged. The time before that was 2008. This is why I just can't help but feel ugly and undesirable. I know my hygiene is up to par, I shave, etc... Anyone else out there not like to preform oral on their girl?
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DvlsAdvc8 04-30-2012 06:21 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
There are plenty of guys who don't like doing oral on their girl. I think most make excuses, are lazy... or don't really know what's going on down there... a few might be grossed out but never admit to it. The book I recommended is awesome and pretty much covers the excuses. I bought it hoping to learn a trick or two I didn't know (women do crazy things for a guy who enjoys going down on them, does it often, and well... so sure, I had a selfish interest. ;) ); for learning tricks, its mediocre. There's no real magic tricks or must-know techniques, but you do get a good understanding of why certain things work so well, gives you a different perspective on sex and oral in particular, and it has some useful ideas on ways to build tension and increase the power of an orgasm. Its an easy read, but clearly for more of a intellectual-type guy; a lot of science, anatomy, and general philosophy of sex.

So what's his excuse for not going down?

Personally I've never understood why any woman would go down on a guy who never goes down on her. Its not always a tit for tat kind of thing, but hell if I had a girl I was going down on regularly who would never give me bjs... I'd stop. I'm certainly not gonna deal with always having to negotiate for one. Its common courtesy. I enjoy getting her off, and I expect whoever I'm with to enjoy getting me off just as much. All you ladies not getting oral need to revolt. lol

A mismatch there is a significant deal breaker for me.

I wish I could give you some advice on the fetish stuff... I got nothing on that one, but totally understand why you're not turned on. I wouldn't deal with a fetish I find disgusting or ruinous of my sexual appetite.

Browncoat 04-30-2012 06:55 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by drmmommy (Post 713710)
He refuses to go down on me. The last time was sept 2011, but only cause we were trashed and I begged. The time before that was 2008. This is why I just can't help but feel ugly and undesirable. I know my hygiene is up to par, I shave, etc... Anyone else out there not like to preform oral on their girl?
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I was kind of curious about it when I got married, but didn't for years. I remember being concerned about the taste, smell and texture down there for years. So much so that I didn't try it (well my wife didn't ask either). Once I tried it... well now I love doing it.

I remember telling myself that it was just like a kiss to her vagina, and in some ways that's still how I kind of think of it (heck I kiss her everywhere else anyway).

Have you asked why he has such an aversion to it?

Oh and as for shaved, honestly I've found that it is easier shaved or trimmed... but honestly it's always fun. :)

drmmommy 04-30-2012 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DvlsAdvc8 (Post 713744)
There are plenty of guys who don't like doing oral on their girl. I think most make excuses, are lazy... or don't really know what's going on down there... a few might be grossed out but never admit to it. The book I recommended is awesome and pretty much covers the excuses. I bought it hoping to learn a trick or two I didn't know (women do crazy things for a guy who enjoys going down on them, does it often, and well... so sure, I had a selfish interest. ;) ); for learning tricks, its mediocre. There's no real magic tricks or must-know techniques, but you do get a good understanding of why certain things work so well, gives you a different perspective on sex and oral in particular, and it has some useful ideas on ways to build tension and increase the power of an orgasm. Its an easy read, but clearly for more of a intellectual-type guy; a lot of science, anatomy, and general philosophy of sex.

So what's his excuse for not going down?

Personally I've never understood why any woman would go down on a guy who never goes down on her. Its not always a tit for tat kind of thing, but hell if I had a girl I was going down on regularly who would never give me bjs... I'd stop. I'm certainly not gonna deal with always having to negotiate for one. Its common courtesy. I enjoy getting her off, and I expect whoever I'm with to enjoy getting me off just as much. All you ladies not getting oral need to revolt. lol

A mismatch there is a significant deal breaker for me.

I wish I could give you some advice on the fetish stuff... I got nothing on that one, but totally understand why you're not turned on. I wouldn't deal with a fetish I find disgusting or ruinous of my sexual appetite.

Thanks. It's nice to have my feelings validated. :-)
I can't really think of any excuse that he's ever given me...he just won't do it, even when asked. So I stopped giving him bjs. Ok, well every once in a while, but not that often.
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diwali123 04-30-2012 07:18 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
My husband is wonderful in bed except that he doesn't like going down. I'm going to have to find that book!
Lots of guys don't like it.
I'm just curious, what attracted you to him when you first met?
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drmmommy 04-30-2012 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diwali123 (Post 713835)
My husband is wonderful in bed except that he doesn't like going down. I'm going to have to find that book!
Lots of guys don't like it.
I'm just curious, what attracted you to him when you first met?
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He was the sweetest guy I'd ever met. He was genuinely a nice guy. Which, after being together 9years, apparently translates to a$$hole who is so passive aggressive he can't make up his own mind on what to eat.
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Browncoat 04-30-2012 07:54 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by drmmommy (Post 713895)
He was the sweetest guy I'd ever met. He was genuinely a nice guy. Which, after being together 9years, apparently translates to a$$hole who is so passive aggressive he can't make up his own mind on what to eat.
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Hate to say it, but that last bit sounds like my 6 year old.

hookares 04-30-2012 08:55 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
drmmommy, how did things go when YOU took the lead and went to work on him in order to improve both HIS and your lot?
Since splitting with my habitual cheater, it's been a real treat to date ladies who have a few tricks to bring to the party and who are willing to participate.
AND, they haven't had to pay for ANYTHING.

diwali123 05-02-2012 12:45 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
Asperger's and borderline personality disorder share some common traits. One is the ability to "fake it" when they want something. Once they get it they don't feel like they have to fake it anymore.
My ex was very sweet until we got engaged, and I had serious doubts but I thought it was normal for couples to
fight. And then he would decide to act loving for a while and I'd think everything was ok. After we got married, within a month he was constantly angry, unhappy, detached, complaining. I finally figured out that he was passive aggressive but I truly didn't understand the depth of it. I thought if I brought it to his attention we could work on it. Instead it made him even more PA to punish me. There were so many times when he would get so possible I would start getting ready to leave him. He would have some kind of epiphany and decide to change for awhile.
He even got me to agree to have a child with him by completing lying about what kind of patent he wanted to be and what our roles would be. Again after she was born his behavior just kept escalating.
I think he knew that the jig was up, I knew the game he had been playing and I stopped going on his roller coaster ride. I stopped letting him
dictate my mood. I even suggested after an incident where he
physically blocked me from leaving the house that we separate and live in different bedrooms as roommates. Of course he didn't want that because he wouldn't be in control of me.
I think once he knew that he couldn't fool me anymore it was just over.
I'm sorry you have to go through it. It's very painful to think you know someone and they completely change into a different person.
After I got married the 2nd time I spent months waiting for him to change, for him
withdraw, start pouting, complaining, arguing and going for the jugular. It's almost been a year and I think I love him
more now than when we got married.
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Browncoat 05-02-2012 02:12 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
Dr. Mommy, was curious to hear from you... been a few days. You OK?

Gaia 05-02-2012 02:20 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by livnlearn (Post 712624)
the argument I just had with my husband about his messiness seems really unwarranted and silly right now.:lol:

After reading this.... I would have to agree with you on that lvnlearn... I know if i were in drmommys position... I'd have lost my mind and left a long time ago. Suddenly my husband doesn't seem so bad... lol

diwali123 05-02-2012 04:39 PM

Re: Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.
 
I'm convinced people like this know how to pick people who will put up with them long after other have left. I tell stories about my ex and women ask me how I kept myself from beating on him or leaving. They just know how to find patient giving people who are very committed.
OP how are things going?
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