Husband gets erection, but can't keep it! Help
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Husband gets erection, but can't keep it! Help

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 04-30-2012, 11:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband gets erection, but can't keep it! Help

Ok so my husband and I have sex successfully about once a week. I'm more than ok with that and he seems to be too. The problem came about when we found out we had fertility issues. I have low hormones and have to take meds to attempt to conceive a baby. The doctor told us that we would have to have sex on cycle day 14 and cycle day 15. We are able to get it in on the first day with NOO trouble at all, but when it comes to doing it the second day, my husband is able to get an erection but it doesn't last. He says he "thinks" too much. Then he beats himself up about it and we end up not having sex. Then he blames himself for us not getting pregnant.

Here's a bit of background information. My husband at one point was addicted to porn. He would masterbate to porn everyday but only had sex with me once a month. It got to the point that he couldn't ejaculate in me, he would have to masterbate to climax. I found out about his porn usage and threaten to leave him. I told him it was me or the porn. So after some stumbles he was able to completely stop looking at porn and even got to the point of being able to ejaculate in me with no help besides vaginal penetration. He believes this has something to do with the fact that he can't keep an erection on day 2 of the schedule.

Now here's where you guys come in... Does anyone have any suggestions to eleavate this problem. Has anyone else had this problem. This isn't a just a when-we-need-to-make-a-baby problem. At any given time he can't perform 2 days in a row. He is able to masterbate and put it in right as hes climaxing if he is watching me masterbate with a dildo, but i have expressed to him that i fake it with the dildo and he is now unable to use that as a tool because knowing its not working for me doesn't arouse him. I know this is a lot but hes under 30 and is convinced he has E.D. now. and I know its a mental thing. Is there anything i can do to help this? or any suggestions that he might be able to do to keep an erection to the point of climax...
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband gets erection, but can't keep it! Help

I'm no expert, but perhaps have him work on these exercises while you continue to look for a solution: PC muscle exercises
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:20 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband gets erection, but can't keep it! Help

Relax. Asking him to perform on a schedule is causing him too much anxiety. He is still getting over using porn for arousal, so it will take him awhile to have sex without that stimulation.

I'm glad that you are no longer faking it with the dildo. If he suspects that you are not being honest with your arousal, he will not be able to let go and stop worrying about his response.
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband gets erection, but can't keep it! Help

I have no idea if it's true or not, but I have read that a shot of straight vanilla extract right before sex helps with this problem.
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband gets erection, but can't keep it! Help

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Originally Posted by lovesherman View Post
Relax. Asking him to perform on a schedule is causing him too much anxiety. He is still getting over using porn for arousal, so it will take him awhile to have sex without that stimulation.

I'm glad that you are no longer faking it with the dildo. If he suspects that you are not being honest with your arousal, he will not be able to let go and stop worrying about his response.
I tried to say that to him but he angrly denies that that is the issue. I tried to say hun its probably the pressure of having to do this and he swears it isn't, then he brings up how he can't do it 2 days in a row any other time either. He thinks its because hes getting old and i know its not. Hes not even 30!! I think he knows it related to the fact that he was using porn for so long. I told him we could try to build up to having sex more times a week but everytime we attempt and it doesn't work it drives him further and further into a hole.
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