Beowulf

Lets cut to the chase here. I'm not bisexual but have many friends and some relatives that are gay and bi. Some are in committed relationships and some realize that they will not be able to ever stay with one person. If I understand correctly what you are saying is that you as SO bisexual that one gender is never going to satisfy you. Then why did you commit to a monogamous relationship?

Browncoat

Sorry you feel that way.

Yes your husband isn't a woman and never will be. It doesn't change the basics of this situation. Any sex (hetero or homo sexual) outside the marriage is infidelity. There's no two ways to put it.

Unless your husband is willing to let you be with other women, what more can we suggest than get some individual counseling?

There's no magic pill or magic words that will un-bi you. You are going to have to work through this with a specialist if you want to honor your marriage vows.

Hicks

It's really not that complicated.
You can either live with the sexual longing, or devastate your husband and children byu acting on it. Keep in mind, every human being in a monogamous marriage needs to keep their strong sexual longings for others at bay.

FrenchFry

You aren't going to strengthen your marriage by stepping outside it ESPECIALLY when your husband has made it explictly clear that this is not an acceptable option for him.

So, you do have choices. You can:

a) Refocus your attention on your marriage. Try and find ways about being open with your sexuality WITH your husband that are acceptable to you and him. That is the biggest tip I have for you. Talk to your husband, tell him you are feeling repressed and then find a way TOGETHER to not feel so squeezed in.

b)Leave your husband and pursue a person who is okay with being polyamorous or having an open relationship and not be labeled as a cheater while leaving your relationship with your husband honestly.

c)Cheat and destroy your relationship.

You aren't going to find anyone here giving you tips on how to make your husband bisexual, how to convince him that it's okay to sleep with women or pat you on your head and tell you that your urges are just fine. It's not just fine and it puts bisexuality in a terrible light to be like "oooh, i just can't help it I want to sleep with women" because bisexuality doesn't preclude monogamy.

Beowolf has an awesome question by the way. I'd like to know the answer too.

Lon

You seem to be trying to convince yourself that you need to be with a woman to be fulfilled. So then why are you asking advice for your MARRIAGE? If you need to be with a woman, then leave your H, tell him you can't remain loyal any longer and want to be with a woman instead. He will be devastated, but less so than if you cheat first then the marriage ends in divorce.

Of course then down the road you will eventually convince yourself you need to be with a man to be fulfilled, and so you will pull all this cr@p on your female partner, betraying her eventually too.

You see the pattern? Your problem is not your sexual orientation its monogamy, and since you are convincing yourself that as a bisexual you have the the need for one partner of each gender (ie get to eat your cake and have it too) then maybe monogomous relationships aren't for you. Atleast if you are honest and upfront with people you won't have to hurt anyone and may be able to find someone looking for the same kind of polyamorous situation you are.

SprucHub

I will try and be constructive - Dan Savage has written extensively about the difficulties of remaining monogamous. For some, you maybe, it is not possible.

What you seem to be asking for is either (1) advice on how to repress your feelings (you are not asking for this), (2) advice on how to break to your husband that you cannot be monogamous (there is no gentle way, sorry), or (3) a moral excuse to cheat (there is none, except in extreme circumstances with abusive spouses).

An answer you are not looking for is to explore yourself and determine exactly why you are looking to be with a woman. What people are advising is that being bisexual is not an answer. Maybe the answer is that neither a male nor female can satisfy you, but that is not because you are bisexual, but rather because you cannot be monogamous. Many people, it seems, regardless of their orientation cannot be with just one person. As I stated at the beginning, you may fall into this category.

But coming to an anonymous board and talking about "repressing your sexuality" will get you nowhere. It is transparent BS that you might believe, but no objective outsider would buy. As a heterosexual male, I am repressing my sexuality by not sleeping women other than my wife, am I not?

The answer you are looking for is then (2), have an uncomfortable discussion with your husband and realize it may ruin your marriage. Sometimes, there is no silver bullet. While the answer may not be easy, there may be a hill to climb to get to the high road.

diwali123

I too am wondering if this doesn't have more to do with being unhappy in your marriage, the stress of motherhood, possible post partum depression. How old is your youngest?
I wonder if it's more that you miss the old you, before you got married and had kids and you think sex with a woman is going to make you feel more like your old self. I don't know. I know lots of people who are bi who are monogamous.
It seems sometimes that we get depressed a dont know why, so our brains come up with a reason. And I'm not trying to minimize what you're going through, it's just that maybe your depression is about exhaustion, being a mom, changing roles, not enough time to yourself and hormones.
I hope you figure it out.
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Toffer

First of all, you shouldn't be ashamed about your sexuality. It is not a path you chose.

However, as all others have said, having sex outside your marriage is infidelity if your hubs is not on-board with it regardless of the fact that he may have kissed a man and liked it (many years ago)

Your depression needs counseling attention first and foremost. It could be the depression that's causing these feelings of needing to be with another partner.

Deal with this issue first before trying to figure out the rest

nonsense

just spoke with him about it. we both agree our marriage is number one and are both willing to compromise on it and work it out because we love each other. so you all were horribly unhelpful and i most likely will never come here for advice again because you are all *******s thanks for nothing!!!!!!

Chris H.

See ya.

__________________

Browncoat

umm, your welcome?

Sorry you found us so terribly unhelpful, but frankly still not sure what you were looking for short of us affirming your choice to cheat on your husband with another woman (since counselling wasn't something you wanted to consider).

tacoma

If you "Compromised" him into an open relationship (Or more likely one end open only) we`ll be seeing him here in a couple of months asking WTF he should do about the horrible mistake he made that killed his marriage.

Monogamy is monogamy and it doesn`t give a damn what your sexual orientation is.

I`m not off banging other women because I am monogamous.

You, well...you`re not and your husband will pay for it with so much pain.

Enjoy the hell you`re about to drop on your family!!

Lon

troll

Shaggy

Remember to send him here when he is dealing with you dating a woman and telling him that you love him, but you are not in love with him.
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3leafclover

Okay, I'll bite. I'm a bisexual woman in a committed relationship with another woman. I agree with previous posters, especially tacoma who said this isn't really how bisexuality works. The problem isn't your sexual orientation, so start looking for the real root problem.

I'm right in the middle of the sexual orientation spectrum, if not slightly closer to the straight end of said spectrum. Yet I haven't had sex with a man since I was 21 (12 years ago). Why? It just happened to be that the last two people I fell in love with and had longterm relationships with were women. Yes, there are sexual and emotional differences between men and women. I appreciate those differences, but I'm attracted to a person, not a gender.

I think there are other issues behind your desire to stray. You really should figure out what they are.