Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3leafclover
Okay, I'll bite. I'm a bisexual woman in a committed relationship with another woman. I agree with previous posters, especially tacoma who said this isn't really how bisexuality works. The problem isn't your sexual orientation, so start looking for the real root problem.
I'm right in the middle of the sexual orientation spectrum, if not slightly closer to the straight end of said spectrum. Yet I haven't had sex with a man since I was 21 (12 years ago). Why? It just happened to be that the last two people I fell in love with and had longterm relationships with were women. Yes, there are sexual and emotional differences between men and women. I appreciate those differences, but I'm attracted to a person, not a gender.
I think there are other issues behind your desire to stray. You really should figure out what they are.
Thanks for chiming in 3leaf. Hopefully the OP will return (despite her goodbyes) and read this.
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
Quote:
Originally Posted by nonsense
i dont yearn for other men. i am physically faithful AND mentally faithful to him in that regard. it is completely different as HE IS NOT A WOMAN lol. how can he fulfill that?
this may have been the wrong forum, maybe i need to find a bisexual one, all im getting here are a bunch of sassy , opinionated people , no helpful ADVICE on how to CHANGE the situation for the better and STRENGTHEN my marriage....THATS what im looking for here.
What you are looking for is an excuse or pathway to cheat! Your sexual orientation is totally irrelevant and a childish excuse. You are trying to rationalize infidelity by citing sexual orientation. The redhead blond discussion above is spot on accurate. Sorry if the truth isn't what you wanted to hear. Every married person chooses not to act on the ubiquitous sexual urges we face everyday. So should you or get out of your marriage.
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
I feel so much empathy for you. I can tell you that your orientation being suppressed is VERY different than a hetero person going after another hetero person outside the limits of your marriage. However, your situation also being outside the limits of your marriage means that you and your husband need to discuss changing the limits of your marriage. Just start discussing it. If he shut you down so badly after you barely mentioned something about it to him, then that is awful. But try again. If he truly loves you, he will need to open his heart and mind to exactly how different of a wonderful and intricate creature you are. That does not mean he has to let you act on it, but he needs to lovingly allow you to express your thoughts on the matter to him. That is the first step and you go from there together. It would be a travesty if your marriage ended because of unwillingness to open up. You are suffering. This is a part of you. You BOTH must figure out how to find happiness for BOTH of you. People go through changes even after marriage and the marriage must change along the way. Good luck to you!
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangemoon
I feel so much empathy for you. I can tell you that your orientation being suppressed is VERY different than a hetero person going after another hetero person outside the limits of your marriage. However, your situation also being outside the limits of your marriage means that you and your husband need to discuss changing the limits of your marriage. Just start discussing it. If he shut you down so badly after you barely mentioned something about it to him, then that is awful. But try again. If he truly loves you, he will need to open his heart and mind to exactly how different of a wonderful and intricate creature you are. That does not mean he has to let you act on it, but he needs to lovingly allow you to express your thoughts on the matter to him. That is the first step and you go from there together. It would be a travesty if your marriage ended because of unwillingness to open up. You are suffering. This is a part of you. You BOTH must figure out how to find happiness for BOTH of you. People go through changes even after marriage and the marriage must change along the way. Good luck to you!
Why is this?
Why do you think it is different than hetero cheating? That her want to have sex with another woman is somehow different and special than a hetero sexual affair partner?
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangemoon
I feel so much empathy for you. I can tell you that your orientation being suppressed is VERY different than a hetero person going after another hetero person outside the limits of your marriage. However, your situation also being outside the limits of your marriage means that you and your husband need to discuss changing the limits of your marriage. Just start discussing it. If he shut you down so badly after you barely mentioned something about it to him, then that is awful. But try again. If he truly loves you, he will need to open his heart and mind to exactly how different of a wonderful and intricate creature you are. That does not mean he has to let you act on it, but he needs to lovingly allow you to express your thoughts on the matter to him. That is the first step and you go from there together. It would be a travesty if your marriage ended because of unwillingness to open up. You are suffering. This is a part of you. You BOTH must figure out how to find happiness for BOTH of you. People go through changes even after marriage and the marriage must change along the way. Good luck to you!
Gee. That sky. Isn't it a lovely pink colour? And are there chocolate leaves on the trees? Wow! We suddenly slipped into Lalapinknfluffy land by a different door!
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangemoon
I feel so much empathy for you. I can tell you that your orientation being suppressed is VERY different than a hetero person going after another hetero person outside the limits of your marriage. However, your situation also being outside the limits of your marriage means that you and your husband need to discuss changing the limits of your marriage.
So, then the only way a bisexual person can ever be truly happy with only one partner is if that partner is a hermaphrodite? I suspect bisexuals far outnumber "sexually attractive" hermaphrodites, so that must be a fierce competition (it is challenging enough being an average guy seeking an attractive woman, can't imagine if I had a fraction of a percent of the population instead of 50% to choose from.
Or is it that being bisexual grants you the polyamory certificate? Because what you are asserting is that marriage can never be a place for monogamous bisexuals since they would have to repress who they are?
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
To have any relationship with a male OR female that is classed as anything more than a friendship is cheating. If you found he wanted to have a relationship with another male how would you really feel? If a husband, and there are a few who like a threesome ffm and your happy for that then its mutual concent. If he is likely to get hurt and by this posting he certainly loves you and doent wan to lose you he will NOT be happy thinking about when you off with someone or even worse if you are having sex with him will he be measuring himself against how much he satisfies you compared to you "other" partner. This chemical mix will cause damage
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
I'm sorry that's all a cop out. If you TRULY love your husband and want to spend the rest of your life with him then you forsake ALL OTHERS!! If you're getting depressed about this then you aren't happy with him and my suggestion is be open and honest and get out of the marriage because you will only cause harm in the long run. Better to end this now. Trust me I am a spouse on the the other end of this and the longer it goes on the worse it will be for him. Let him go if you care like you say. You aren't happy in the marriage or this wouldn't be an issue. It's just a cop out lady!
I have been with my husband for 14 years and I am a biaexual woman. Never once have I been with a woman inthose 14 years...why, because I chose to be with my husband and be married to him. It IS that simple.
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
I work on a simple pledge I made sometime ago and believe that when you give a solemn oath you should remain faithfull to that oath and those you made it too else DONT MAKE IT. I remain that minded in all aspects of my life I give my word and I stick to it. In marrage it was simple "Foresaking all others" not forsaking all other females (but ill be ok with a guy). If people cannot remain faithfull when their partner goves them their life then theey dont deserve that person as a life partner not matter how much it hurts for the break to be made, and god it does hurt.
i am 25 with two young kids, married 5 years to an amazing man.
my husband ISNT ok with me having ANY contact with a woman as it would be "cheating". its been 5 years i havent touched a woman. and its getting too hard to repress my sexuality. i love my husband and want to be with him FOREVER. i dont want to have to get a divorce to finally satisfy myself. i want to bring this up to him again (first time in 5 years since the beginning of the relationship) in HOPES he may say its okay.....i understand his side but i cant help but feel this way.
there are photos of him kissing a man in his youth and he says he isnt gay or bi but brushes me off when i asked one time years ago and i dropped it. i really WISH he was bisexual too as that way he could sleep with men and I with women. it would be perfect.
im getting very depressed and its PAINING me to resist my urges.
i am sinking into a depression and up up late every night researching and crying feeling our marriage is over (i want to be with him forever).
why cant i change this? why cant i ONLY want men? i wish so badly i wasnt bisexual, i hate myself for it ......
what can i do? im terrified to bring this up (he knows i am bisexual but we havent spoken of it in 5 years).
does anyone know how i can continue to repress my sexuality? any tips? :/ probably not but worth a shot.
i love my husband so much.
repressing my sexuality all these years has had the side effect of just repressing BOTH sides of it as our sex life is being compromised now.
HELP!!!
please be kind. i am already ashamed i feel this way, i dont need to be called any bad names. i am a good person.
You sound a little like my W, in that I know she's attracted to women on some level, and has enjoyed sex with them maybe a couple times. She doesn't strongly yearn for it, but she does like it and the idea of it.
But, did your H know this before you were married? If he did not, AND he is not ok with it now, I can't see this working, and it wouldn't be fair to him to change the rules at this point because of a desire. I think of it this way... I have a STRONG desire to sleep with other beautiful women. If I wasn't married, I would do so. But I am, and my W would NEVER be ok with that. And she's incredible. So it's a choice for me... Sleep with other women without her in my life, or sleep with only her with her in my life. Decision is EASY! There is no "desire" that could ever get me to step out on my W or make me want to leave her to pursue it / them.
Now, with my W, I know she'd like to sleep with a woman via a WMW threesome if the opportunity arose and circumstances were right. Part of that is me being ok with it. I would be, if circumstances were right. We almost did once. It was fun, and then we dropped it. She has zero pressure from me to do so again. I get zero pressure from her. I believe we're solid enough it would have no impact on us. But, we're not "looking for it". If it happens within both of our comfort zones, maybe we'll let it happen. Ground rules have been set, and we're "prepared" should we make that choice.
What we don't do is pressure each other or let a "desire" get in the way of "us". We're either both fully on board with all aspects of it, or it won't happen. Making something happen, especially outside of previously discussed ground rules or comfort zones, will only bring about resentment and jealousy. And we won't risl it. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality
I wish I would have seen her post before. I went through that with my H, except he allowed me to do it. I was bored in my marriage, this was 15 years ago. I had relations with a couple women, he knows, I got it out of my system.
Again a couple years ago, I had the same desires and this time I decided to look within myself, because I do prefer men. So what was this about for me? I found the answers in myself, in very erotic ways, at least I think so.
So maybe the OP looks within and finds the same answer I did, or something else.
And please, you guys are too damn hard on people sometimes.
89Likes
Re: married and bisexual-failing at repressing sexuality 
Your sexual orientation is totally irrelevant and a childish excuse. You are trying to rationalize infidelity by citing sexual orientation. The redhead blond discussion above is spot on accurate. Sorry if the truth isn't what you wanted to hear. Every married person chooses not to act on the ubiquitous sexual urges we face everyday. So should you or get out of your marriage.
(i want to be with him forever).
