nonsense

i am 25 with two young kids, married 5 years to an amazing man.

my husband ISNT ok with me having ANY contact with a woman as it would be "cheating". its been 5 years i havent touched a woman. and its getting too hard to repress my sexuality. i love my husband and want to be with him FOREVER. i dont want to have to get a divorce to finally satisfy myself. i want to bring this up to him again (first time in 5 years since the beginning of the relationship) in HOPES he may say its okay.....i understand his side but i cant help but feel this way.

there are photos of him kissing a man in his youth and he says he isnt gay or bi but brushes me off when i asked one time years ago and i dropped it. i really WISH he was bisexual too as that way he could sleep with men and I with women. it would be perfect.

im getting very depressed and its PAINING me to resist my urges.

i am sinking into a depression and up up late every night researching and crying feeling our marriage is over (i want to be with him forever).

why cant i change this? why cant i ONLY want men? i wish so badly i wasnt bisexual, i hate myself for it ......

what can i do? im terrified to bring this up (he knows i am bisexual but we havent spoken of it in 5 years).

does anyone know how i can continue to repress my sexuality? any tips? :/ probably not but worth a shot.
i love my husband so much.

repressing my sexuality all these years has had the side effect of just repressing BOTH sides of it as our sex life is being compromised now.

HELP!!!

please be kind. i am already ashamed i feel this way, i dont need to be called any bad names. i am a good person.

Shaggy

Your husband is right it would very much be cheating, and the end of your marriage.

How would you feel if your husband wanted a red head very badly but you are blond? Or a tall girl, when you are short?

And what if he desperately wanted you to allow him to have a relationship and sex with this other person or people?

You know what he does like bodies other than yours, but he has vomited and willfully chosen to be ith you only as his wife. He knows that a marriage where your partner is emotionally and sexually with another person is a half marriage and he wouldnt be a third wheel.

So the issue here is bi or nit, it's comitment fidelity and choice.

Your idea of him being bi wouldn't help, if you acted on it, then you both would be cheating. That's the real problem here, you want to cheat and have another person for you.

Perhaps some individual counseling can help you understand this and why you feel so desperate to cheat. If it was just getting turned on by girls too, then I would say watch some lesbian porn together, but your post clearly says that you want a third person in the marriage just for you.
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dubbizle

How conservative is your husband?

I just going to go way outside the box right off and get the prudes mad,was the talk you had with your husband about having a threesome with another woman ? if not that what would be the first thing I would bring up and he could either participate or watch.Its not close to the real thing but maybe get some straight porn you could both watch together since most all straight porn has lesbian scenes and tell him how hot that is when its being shown and he may get some ideas in his head of you and another woman.
If he is against everything then look for a counselor that deals a lot with sexual orientation.

I wish my wife would bring this issues to me,fun would be had by all.

Shaggy

I can't help but wonder if the stress of being a young mom with two small kids isn't pulling you away from the emotional intimacy you once shared with your husband and is driving this desire. Since you want to fill that void, but you don't want to cheat with another man, you have begun wanting a woman to have a relationship with and have convinced yourself that it wouldn't be cheating, and wouldn't destroy your marriage.

Maybe part of making this go away is to find a way to better connect emotionally with your husband, so you feel loved and strongly bonded to him.
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Beowulf

I'm no prude but Shaggy is right. This is not about sexuality its about respect for your spouse. You discussed this before you were married and you knew his boundary on this. Yet you chose to marry him anyway. If you cannot remain committed to your husband then you should consider ending the marriage. It will be far less painful than betraying him.

RandomDude

Well, wifey is freakin bi-sexual in denial!!!! lol

But your mentality is not right in my opinion, you have a husband, you've made your choice, anything else is betrayal

Browncoat

I'd like to second getting individual counseling for you. Not sure what type of therapist would be best, maybe a sex therapist?

You need to understand where your urges are suddenly coming from. You can't deal with it, until you understand why now. Unless I'm mistaken you've not really had this sense of urgent urges until recently, right?

How is your sex life with your husband? I know it's not the same, but if there's a lack of sexual release at all it will make things harder.

I also agree that if you start getting close to other women (women you find at all attractive) it could lead to an EA and possibly a PA. Neither are good for your marriage.

This isn't something that will just go away on it's own. It's not something that you take a "straight" pill for. You will likely need to have a therapist who you can visit on and off for years if you want to stay faithful in your marriage.

I'd also recommend a male therapist. You don't need your mind going to places in therapy that aren't constructive.

norajane

I guess I don't understand why being attracted to both men and women should make it acceptable to your husband that you to go outside your marriage to have sex.

Regardless of where you fall on the sexuality spectrum, marriage is a commitment to one person - your spouse. What you are asking him for is to have an open marriage where you are allowed to have sex with other people. I honestly don't understand why you think that should be ok when that is not what either of you signed up for when you got married.

Would it be ok with you if he went out and had sex with other women? What you are asking of him is no different - whether you have sex with another woman or a man, you are still wanting to have sex with someone else. No one here would entertain for a moment the idea that you should be free to have sex with another man just because you have "urges", so why would it be ok to have sex with a woman?

Are you not attracted to your husband? Deal with that issue before turning to other people, man or woman, outside your marriage.

tacoma

I`m really not buying your story.

Bisexuality doesn`t exactly work that way.

I think you just want to cheat and are manipulating an "acceptable" way to do it.

Lon

You are not failing at repressing your sexuality at all, you are failing at suppressing your will to remain loyal and monogamous to your marriage partner. You wishing he were bi is not the doorway being able to have extra-marital sex.

I am pretty far at the hetero end of the spectrum, and when married there were women besides my W I was attracted to, just because I label myself hetero did not open the doorway for me to go have sex with them.

And my argument IS exactly the same as yours, because what you are lusting for isn't a blank generic female person, there is a certain type you are attracted to. The gender is completely irrelevant all that matters is its not your spouse.

morituri

What you are asking your husband is for a one sided open marriage and he is answering you with a big NO.

I can guarantee you that if he were to cave in to your wishes that he would end up resenting you tremendously until one day he will reach the point where he won't care anymore and will leave you for good.

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

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FrenchFry

Tips?

Be open with your husband about your depression and what you feel is the reason for it. Sharing lessens secrets and lessens depression. You said it's been five years? Is he ok with you being bisexual to the point where you can at least talk about it?

Don't cheat. It's absolutely cheating if you sleep with a woman. Your husband doesn't want to be poly or have an open marriage, don't betray him by cheating and trying to justify it.

I'm fairly fluid with who I find attractive. Easiest way to deal with it? A) Focus my feelings on my husband B) Not being afraid to say if I find someone cute in passing. Put all of your intense feelings back on him, open up to him and keep your fidelity.

nonsense

no its not something im SUDDENLY feeling, just getting hard to supress. supressing my sexual orientation in causing depression.

let me take a wild stab in the dark and hazzard a guess that no one that posted so far is bisexual....lol

FrenchFry

EVERYONE in a monogamous relationship has to repress the urge to go have sex with other people, bisexual or not. It doesn't matter your orientation. Don't use that as an excuse.

nonsense

i dont yearn for other men. i am physically faithful AND mentally faithful to him in that regard. it is completely different as HE IS NOT A WOMAN lol. how can he fulfill that?

this may have been the wrong forum, maybe i need to find a bisexual one, all im getting here are a bunch of sassy , opinionated people , no helpful ADVICE on how to CHANGE the situation for the better and STRENGTHEN my marriage....THATS what im looking for here.