Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Ideally touching is a postive thing for spouses. Ideally the touching has many nuances and not just confined to one area or another.
I enjoy spooning with my wife and sometimes that means I am cupping her breast and sometimes not. I like touching her when we are close. I do try to vary what that is. I often give her behind a caress. I like that a lot. She seems to enjoy it most of the time as well. I am better at judging those times than I used to be. I enjoy caressing her whole body.
Some women seem proud that their hubbys can't keep their hands off of them. Others ... not so much. Sometimes things can be more sensitive than at other times. Ok fine.
I do think this level of touching indicates a good vibe between the couple. It should happen at times when there is no expectation of sex ... and when there is. It's all foreplay for whenever the next opportunity arises. That said, sometimes touching can turn into something spontaneous. But FWIW I enjoy touching my wife and feel it is a way of showing affection.
I get what people mean by being groped but Catherine is right. The term itself is a tad hurtful.
I see how folks use it to mean unwanted touching and / or grabbing. To me touching is a form of communication as much as anything else. It is not just communicating hey I am horny ... but sometimes I guess it is.
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Your wife feels you are treating her like a sexual object. If she does not want to be groped, then you shouldn't grope her. If you want sex, then just verbalize it.
I have this problem with my man... sometimes I just want to cuddle but him groping me constantly makes me feel like.. above statement... which can be a turn off and very irritating.
I have this problem with my man... sometimes I just want to cuddle but him groping me constantly makes me feel like.. above statement... which can be a turn off and very irritating.
He is telling you that he finds you very attractive. He is expressing it in a way that he would feel comfortable with, raw and strait forward. There is nothing wrong with that some men and woman like it and some don't.
That is where communication comes in. It is a common difference between some men and woman. It is equally as common to have to find a good way to deal with it.
Women look for that kind of affirmation all the time and you got it. Now you have to work to get him to express his attraction in a way that makes you both feel good.
Since it is a compliment, please don't be angry or annoyed with him. That will hurt and confuse him and he may carry resentment.
He may think he is giving you what you want. The best thing for your relationship is to step around in his shoes and figure out what and how to tell him.
Tell him what would make you feel attractive to him. Let him know you welcome his expression of attraction but in a toned-down fashion.
No the other way around. It is only a suggested number. But why confine the touch to the bed or home, or to cuddling?
Did you ever notice that couples touch a great deal in the early stages of the relationship? They hold hands, hug, stand close touching and sit close.
I can tell when people have been together for a long time, they don't touch or stand close. The only touch may be sexual.
That may present problems for the person who needs more than sexual touch. My husband and I hold hands when we go out walking, he guides me by holding my shoulders or waist when we are in a crowd, we touch when we are out at parties, or in a group standing around.
We touch a lot when we are together. We sit together in the evening and sometimes when we are watching on TV he lays on my lap and I stroke his hair.
My husband was not affectionate when we first got married. He was when we dated then it slowly decreased until we only touched during sex.
That was not enough for me. I needed more so, I told him. I asked nicely because he had no way of knowing what I needed. He changed for me. Now he says he needs it as much as I.
I know the actual number above isn't important, but the amount of rejection is. Like many men, my main 'love language' is intimacy (sex) and touch.
Our situation is I touch, hug, etc. (both in bed and out). She either accepts it or rejects it. When the touching, hugging in bed gets to a certain point, I may get aroused. Sometimes it is obvious that she is also getting aroused and wants to be close and that is perfect. Sometimes, I can't tell. If I go too far she will most often reject me (from 4 out of 5 times). I get the comment, "We just made love five days ago!"
My problem is that my love bank is empty. When she rejects me it is a withdrawal. When we actually make love, it isn't really a deposit, because she has made it clear (through the rejections) she is doing it because of obligation, not because of her desire for me or because of her love for me and her wanting me to be happy. The only time I feel loved is when I 'knock her socks' off. Often after the session, she will talk about how great it was and how we need to do it more often. Problem is that it is only talk.
The difference between your marriage and mine is that your husband responded out of love when you told him your needs. My wife has shown that she either doesn't believe my needs are real or just doesn't care.
He is telling you that he finds you very attractive. He is expressing it in a way that he would feel comfortable with, raw and strait forward. There is nothing wrong with that some men and woman like it and some don't.
That is where communication comes in. It is a common difference between some men and woman. It is equally as common to have to find a good way to deal with it.
Women look for that kind of affirmation all the time and you got it. Now you have to work to get him to express his attraction in a way that makes you both feel good.
Since it is a compliment, please don't be angry or annoyed with him. That will hurt and confuse him and he may carry resentment.
He may think he is giving you what you want. The best thing for your relationship is to step around in his shoes and figure out what and how to tell him.
Tell him what would make you feel attractive to him. Let him know you welcome his expression of attraction but in a toned-down fashion.
lol I've already outright told him that it annoys me and it's a turn off... he up and does it anyways later one that day. Of course i only seem to feel this way when preggy... which he has been through three times(including now) already... and like I've told him before... "Hey this is the much needed break you were asking for ..." Of course whenever i say that.. he responds with.... "I wish I never said that..." lol. Lately he has been better with this... since I told him if I felt I wanted to be touched or shown affection... I'd initiate it for the amount of time I feel comfortable... (which lately has been less and less since the kicking in the ribs, stomach, and bladder tend to prevent me from feeling very comfy most of the time) but he's been pretty good with it. As far as resentment... I've never seen or heard him express any in that area... Of course I do know it is probably hard to go from.. getting it multiple times a day to suddenly going months without it (during the pregnancy and a bit after) but like I said.. he's been pretty respectful... micheivous perhaps... but still respectful.
Hmmmm, I don't mind being groped by my husband. He is the man I am married to and we are sexually comfortable with each other. When I am groped by my hubby, I know that he thinks I am so hot that he can't keep his hands off me. What is so crass about that?
Perhaps I would feel differently if I did not receive any hugs or kisses.
Every woman is different. If your wife does not feel loved when you grope her, don't do it. Respect her boundaries.
I like it when my husband starts by coming up behind me while I am cooking supper and softly puts his arms around me, kissing the crease of where my neck and shoulder meets. It makes me melt, very weak in the knees. After he has done this I am ALL his for groping. With me, and I think a lot of women, as long as you start slow (as others have mentioned) she will let the groping happen. Maybe not ... just my two cents. Softer, slower touching of the areas you like to touch on your wife is probably what she wants.
Ari,
I really think this is about two things:
- pacing
- desired outcome
As for pacing, I will describe me and my W.
Me: I don't like a super fast/no foreplay approach. If my W walked up to me and with no warm up at all grabbed my tool, that would not be a turn on. I need some warm up first. Sitting on the couch if she rubs the inside of my thigh in a certain way that gets me going really well. Kissing is a great igniter for me also
Her: same deal - and her butt and breasts are not places to "start" but kissing, thighs, etc. work great
If you pace it right your partner gets hotter and hotter. If you rush them it is like trying to go directly into 3rd gear on a manual transmission car, you may stall the engine.
As for desired outcome there are nights your LD partner wants you to accept that they are LD. That acceptance is shown by sticking with non sexual affection and not trying to turn it into sex. If you insist in turning all contact into the path to immediate sex, you end up with a very resentful LD partner who may often not want to be touched at all.
I posted this in another thread but will repeat. The HD partner is perfectly within their rights to insist the LD spouse not tease them and then shut them down.
I happily spoon my wife without a sexual outcome many nights. But if she touches me sexually, we are ON and she knows that.
TE=Aristotle;715300]I have no problem giving my wife what she likes and needs, especially after she has given me what I need. Once she has shown me she cares about my needs, I will return the favor and cuddle and hug her the rest of the night.
Grope and sex then cuddle and hug. I am a man, I do not want to hug and cuddle until after I have released. Why would men torture themselves this way? We have physical needs. BETA?[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
I like it when my husband starts by coming up behind me while I am cooking supper and softly puts his arms around me, kissing the crease of where my neck and shoulder meets. It makes me melt, very weak in the knees. After he has done this I am ALL his for groping. With me, and I think a lot of women, as long as you start slow (as others have mentioned) she will let the groping happen. Maybe not ... just my two cents. Softer, slower touching of the areas you like to touch on your wife is probably what she wants.
Yep I do that all the time, and there's indeed something very intimate and beautiful about it.
A little kiss on the neck after gently sweeping away the hair from the back of her neck never hurt either.
For me a lot of touching is just little things. It's a caress on the back of the neck or lower back just with my fingertips.
It can be gentle stroke of my hand from her shoulders all the way down her arm (during warmer months).
When watching something together it can be just gently stroking the middle of her thigh with my thumb while we sit side by side.
Or running the back of my fingers across her cheek while we stare into each other's eyes after a loving little kiss.
Any wife who rejects that type of affection... well I think there should be some therapy in her future. Maybe I'm alone in that thought.
I guess some would consider me a groper.
When I spontaneously hug my wife in the kitchen, I usually pat or rub her butt. Just for a second or two. When we spoon and snuggle in the bed before we go to sleep and after we wake up, My hands are usually on her butt or breasts. Often I will kiss her breasts. Sometimes I bite her butt playfully right as we are getting out of bed. Usually when we snuggle, she is giving me a hand job as well. Not to finish, but to just wind me up for later.
She doesn't mind. She loves it that I think that she is so damn sexy that I can't keep my hands off of her.
I seldom touch her between the legs during these times because that is THE signal from me that I want to go all the way.
I am not a morning or before sleep lover and neither is she. We are lunchtime people because we have the house to ourselves.
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Re: Understanding Groping 
