Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I will talk with my husband and see if he will be willing to talk with his doctors.... here's hoping.
Try googling all the medications he is taking and take a close look at the side effects. You may be able to identify some of them in your husband. That could help you show him that his medications are affecting him in certain ways he might not see.
Being specific like that should also help you when talking to the doctor about the effects his meds are having on him, and will give the doc a better idea of which meds to substitute.
I agree with the others about addressing his medication with the doctor. It may not be easy for him, but I hope you can be firm.
One thing you don't mention is how hard his medical situation obviously is on you in the other areas of your life. You carry the lion share of the parenting and finances, and probably many other things. Be firm in your insistance that he owes it to you as his wife to not accept anything less than being close and intimate as a couple. Don't sell yourself short, either. Your confidence in how well you manage so much is a very attractive part of who you are. I'd be willing to bet that the harder you work to grow personally, through any interests you've wanted to pursue, or feeling better about yourself through exercise, the more he will realize that he has to step up his game to keep you interested in him sexually.
I hope you stick around for a while. There are some great members on this site who can listen and encourage.
It could be the meds, but if he is getting an erection and willing to receive oral, it sounds like he may just be lazy. Photomom, next time the kids are gone, would you be willing to put on something cute or sexy and masterbate next to him or in front of him? Don't touch him until he juices get flowing and he cones to you. Even if you have to finish without him doing a thing, now he knows you can satisfy yourself and he either has that same option or he can join you? Best of luck with this, I hope it works out for you! Posted via Mobile Device
He knows I take care myself, I just choose not to do it infront of him. It's like having an itch on your back.... yeah, you can scratch it yourself, BUT, It feels SOOOO much better when someone does it for you.
And yes I do carry the lions share of everything in our marriage, sometimes I get resentful of it, because he wasn't one to help out much before all the back problems...... I keep trying to be understanding, but sometimes I just blow up. I have to do everything for my family and the only thing I really ask for, the one thing I felt like he could still do to contribute (other then being there for the kids emotionally) is keeping our sex life going..... It all just seems like a mess right now.
He knows I take care myself, I just choose not to do it infront of him. It's like having an itch on your back.... yeah, you can scratch it yourself, BUT, It feels SOOOO much better when someone does it for you.
And yes I do carry the lions share of everything in our marriage, sometimes I get resentful of it, because he wasn't one to help out much before all the back problems...... I keep trying to be understanding, but sometimes I just blow up. I have to do everything for my family and the only thing I really ask for, the one thing I felt like he could still do to contribute (other then being there for the kids emotionally) is keeping our sex life going..... It all just seems like a mess right now.
I know there are two sides to every story and right now we only know your side but from what I have read your husband needs a huge wake up call. I don’t care if he has health problems he needs to do more if he wants to be part of a family. All relationships are a two way street. I don’t know your husband but he sounds like he is milking this back problem thing to the full extreme.
That is your problem right there!!!!!!! Get him to the doc and get a different medication... there are other medications he can take which will not make his muscles so relaxed that his sex drive goes away. Dilaudid puts you in another world! It also has super muscle relaxing and nerve relaxing capabilities. But there are plenty of other pain medications available that will take away his pain and help increase his energy level. This one depletes his energy, makes him sleepy... in the meantime, I agree stop pleasing him (his tongue isn't broken!)
He has been on several different pain meds over the past 5+ years... we were considering a pain pump. I dont know what meds would work as well for him... these pain doctors dont like to change your meds alot, but I will see if he will ask at his next appt. he sees them monthy.
He has been on several different pain meds over the past 5+ years... we were considering a pain pump. I dont know what meds would work as well for him... these pain doctors dont like to change your meds alot, but I will see if he will ask at his next appt. he sees them monthy.
It is worth a try! I hope in the meantime he at least makes an effort, I'm sure he has built up some resistance to the meds, and if he were to mentally put himself in the mood he could. Depression meds do have sexual side effects as well though.... so it's like he has maybe a double whammy going on? I don't know, but I would definitely address the issue with care, but make sure he knows how important it is to you.
So, I tried something last night hoping it would get the juices flowing.... I had him sit on the couch and I climbed on his lap. (facing him) I told him not to worry, we would not be having sex. I massaged his neck and sholders while kissing on him and encouraged him to feel me up. He did suggest that I give him oral but I told him no, because he would not do the same for me. I was nice about it, but let him know there will be no more freebes. anyway, it felt nice to at least get his hand on me. Even if it was only for a little while.... I might keep using this approuch until he takes it up a notch.....
He dosent do it mostly because of the pain from being in that position. I suppose if I were to be on top for it, it might be less painful... I just dont really like getting off in that position... cant relax really.
He dosent do it mostly because of the pain from being in that position. I suppose if I were to be on top for it, it might be less painful... I just dont really like getting off in that position... cant relax really.
7Likes
He even snuggled with me on the couch till we fell asleep.
