Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
It wasn't something that she pointed out really although she did by how she reacted. I eventually noticed that she would respond negatively if I turned everything into a sexual advance. I still get turned on but just because I'm turned on doesn't mean I have to act on it. I like chocolate but I don't eat every chocolate bar I see (although I want to!). So i might hug her and just see how she reacts. Sometimes i know its on, sometimes its not. I just stopped assuming its always on.
It wasn't easy not because I was never exposed to affection as a child or anything like that (which is an odd leap to make), I was just very self-centered and had to realize that. My marriage slowly tanked over the years and after examining it I just saw where I wasn't doing what I needed to do. Making her feel like an object wasn't helping. That might sound like it happened over night but I spent alot of time reading forums and books on happy marriages. I even took some classes in family therapy. Eventually even saw a therapist (she wouldn't go but I needed to work on myself anyway). So it was a lot of work on me and the way I relate to the world in general. So basically your husband is being self-centered. I don't think you can force other people to change that because that kind of change has to come from within so I don't have any good advice to give. I mean, how do you tell someone who thinks their poo doesn't stink that it does?
EDIT: I have been away for a few days and just read your response to "unbelievable." I'm confused about your situation and while I don't know the whole story, if you're with someone who has acted very badly for a long time (3 years is a really long time to be treated badly) in the past it is rather unlikely that they would change quickly at all. It took me years of working on myself after I voluntarily began trying to improve myself and my marriage and I never did any of the things he appears to have done to you. I am not saying in any way that you deserve it. I just don't understand how it is that you think he will make such a drastic change in a short period of time. It takes twice as long to unlearn a behavior as it does to learn it. So if he learned for 3 years that he could abuse you I would expect it would take 6 for him to learn that he can't. The fact that you're even willing to try is really generous of you.
You know? Communication is vital So I had a chat with him last night about this. He brought up some good points. But the main thing is he has given me full body hugs at least 3 times between last night and this morning, with no expectation of sex And the funny thing is I ended up getting turned on, I didn't act on it... I want to save it for tonight when we have more time together to relax, we've had enough quickies this week
Awesome news Communicating your needs does help Especially in a non charged environment, provided your spouse is willing to listen Glad yours was!!
You know? Communication is vital So I had a chat with him last night about this. He brought up some good points. But the main thing is he has given me full body hugs at least 3 times between last night and this morning, with no expectation of sex And the funny thing is I ended up getting turned on, I didn't act on it... I want to save it for tonight when we have more time together to relax, we've had enough quickies this week
Good for you. There's so much heartbreak on TAM. It's always encouraging when something turns for the better
Good for you. There's so much heartbreak on TAM. It's always encouraging when something turns for the better
Thanks. I have learned and continue to learn from the members of TAM... Honestly without this place, I would've never thought so deeply about my marriage and I would've more than likely set myself on auto pilot, but I want the most of my marriage, and that includes a healthy intimate relationship with my H. I chose to be a part of this reconciliation, I should at least enjoy it and do my best to put the heartache to rest
Thanks. I have learned and continue to learn from the members of TAM... Honestly without this place, I would've never thought so deeply about my marriage and I would've more than likely set myself on auto pilot, but I want the most of my marriage, and that includes a healthy intimate relationship with my H. I chose to be a part of this reconciliation, I should at least enjoy it and do my best to put the heartache to rest
Thank you for your support.
I know what you mean Cherry. This website and the folks here help me in little and big ways every day. I'm really grateful.
38Likes
Re: Non sexual touch and sex 
though I'm sure yours weren't yesterday so this is a lame excuse. 
So I had a chat with him last night about this. He brought up some good points. But the main thing is he has given me full body hugs at least 3 times between last night and this morning, with no expectation of sex 
