Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Last July, my wife was browsing for lingerie on-line and decided to shop at Anne Summers, I thought this was a curious choice as you can buy lingerie from many stores and know full-well what Ann Summers is famous for. She bought some very basic undies PLUS a rather HOT outfit (which she has only worn twice since). I then sent her an email (I was at work) showing A.S. had (yet another) sale on and sent her a link for a a very pretty and sexy lingerie set (costing only £18 in the sell). She then later texted me saying she hoped I was happy as she had just spent £50 in the A.S. sale! I asked her what on and she said something to wear, something to watch and something to play with. When it was delivered she texted me to say it had arrived and I said I couldnt wait to see what she had ordered. She has only produced her thing to "play with" the once (a vibrator) for about 10 minutes and I have never seen the DVD she bought. I have gently urged her to reveal both a few times but she has made different excusses not to. When she produced the vibe, I said wow this looks like fun and when I asked her how it felt she said amazing, so I have always felt bothered why we havent had more fun with it and have NEVER watched the DVD.
I read an interesting but old thread on here which discussed why a women would buy and tell her husband she had a vibe but not use it with him (I know my wife uses it without me!!) but wondered what YOU think about this?
I went out and bought a nice corset/garter/stocking set for myself and then it took me a couple weeks to build up the courage to wear it for my hubby. Fear that he wouldn't be as 'impressed' with it as I hoped, maybe? Or fear that he will compare me to the women in Penthouse and find me lacking? I am also hesitant sometimes to say what I want, such as that we should use a toy or watch a film. Maybe because I am afraid he'll think I'm depraved? I dunno. All I know is I am more likely to suggest or do something racy when I have a glass or 3 of wine in me
I know everyone says don't worry about it, he'll love it, do it, don't be afraid, but in the moment my own inhibitions speak louder than logic.
I went out and bought a nice corset/garter/stocking set for myself and then it took me a couple weeks to build up the courage to wear it for my hubby. Fear that he wouldn't be as 'impressed' with it as I hoped, maybe? Or fear that he will compare me to the women in Penthouse and find me lacking? I am also hesitant sometimes to say what I want, such as that we should use a toy or watch a film. Maybe because I am afraid he'll think I'm depraved? I dunno. All I know is I am more likely to suggest or do something racy when I have a glass or 3 of wine in me
I know everyone says don't worry about it, he'll love it, do it, don't be afraid, but in the moment my own inhibitions speak louder than logic.
I'm the same way... I have to have a few drinks before i feel comfortable enough to carry out some of the crazy things I've thought about or my hubby has thought about doing during sex. Of course.. after doing it a bit tipsy or drunk a few times... I feel more comfortable doing it sober later on... because we've already done it...
Last July, my wife was browsing for lingerie on-line and decided to shop at Anne Summers, I thought this was a curious choice as you can buy lingerie from many stores and know full-well what Ann Summers is famous for. She bought some very basic undies PLUS a rather HOT outfit (which she has only worn twice since). I then sent her an email (I was at work) showing A.S. had (yet another) sale on and sent her a link for a a very pretty and sexy lingerie set (costing only £18 in the sell). She then later texted me saying she hoped I was happy as she had just spent £50 in the A.S. sale! I asked her what on and she said something to wear, something to watch and something to play with. When it was delivered she texted me to say it had arrived and I said I couldnt wait to see what she had ordered. She has only produced her thing to "play with" the once (a vibrator) for about 10 minutes and I have never seen the DVD she bought. I have gently urged her to reveal both a few times but she has made different excusses not to. When she produced the vibe, I said wow this looks like fun and when I asked her how it felt she said amazing, so I have always felt bothered why we havent had more fun with it and have NEVER watched the DVD.
I read an interesting but old thread on here which discussed why a women would buy and tell her husband she had a vibe but not use it with him (I know my wife uses it without me!!) but wondered what YOU think about this?
I had mine for years before finally having the courage to use it with my husband. (it involved alcohol). Do you know where she keeps it? Maybe you could bring it out one night?
My husband knows where I keep mine so he usually has it in the bed before I arrive.Sometimes he turns it on as I enter the room and says "its ready for you" lol!!!!
If you know where she has it maybe try to bring it to the party yourself and surprise her. It will only take once and I would think she will use it willingly after that.
Let her know it turns you on and she may be excited to bring it in.
I kinda felt the same way about a toy once.I was online buying a new vibe and while there I browsed around and saw a thing I wanted to add to our toys,it was not a vibe. I was a little embarrased about getting it although I wanted to try it. I made jokes to him that I bought a new toy,I think you will like to use it on me and then I would let it go and not bring it out. It took a few weeks and many dropped hints till he finally while having sex convinced me to get it. I did and we now use it often.
I went out and bought a nice corset/garter/stocking set for myself and then it took me a couple weeks to build up the courage to wear it for my hubby. Fear that he wouldn't be as 'impressed' with it as I hoped, maybe? Or fear that he will compare me to the women in Penthouse and find me lacking? I am also hesitant sometimes to say what I want, such as that we should use a toy or watch a film. Maybe because I am afraid he'll think I'm depraved? I dunno. All I know is I am more likely to suggest or do something racy when I have a glass or 3 of wine in me
I know everyone says don't worry about it, he'll love it, do it, don't be afraid, but in the moment my own inhibitions speak louder than logic.
Thanks for your reply, I often thought some wine would relax her enough to play but once, I later discovered it was the wrong time of the month and other times the wine has made her too sleepy. I begin to get paranoid that she simply bought the vibe for herself but then wonder why she told me about it.
Maybe so but why tell me she bought it?
I get paranoid that she is "doing herself" while Im at work but think thats fine as long as Im not ignored when Im at home.
I think you she let you know in hopes you will take control and bring those items into play yourself. Try not asking her and just start using the vibe on her at an appropriate point in forplay. It will either work or not work. You won' know for sure until you try.
In short I think she is trying to get you to think out of the box.
I'm the same way... I have to have a few drinks before i feel comfortable enough to carry out some of the crazy things I've thought about or my hubby has thought about doing during sex. Of course.. after doing it a bit tipsy or drunk a few times... I feel more comfortable doing it sober later on... because we've already done it...
We had a sexy evening after we shared a bottle of wine and she said we should get the wine in more often.
I agreed and since then I have got a bottle in for no special reason other than to unwind at the end of the week but she has been quite reserved, only had a couple of glasses and not been particuarly playfull. Maybe I will just keep trying?
I had mine for years before finally having the courage to use it with my husband. (it involved alcohol). Do you know where she keeps it? Maybe you could bring it out one night?
Hi, yes I know where she keeps it, Id be a bit worried about upsetting her. I dont know if SHE knows that I know where it is and if she is nervous about using it together I dont want to put her on the spot. She also has some sexy novels (I was surprised by their graphic content!) They were left in plain view and 1) I was concerned that my kids 12 & 16 years old would find them (they are both really into books) and 2) I wondered if she left them out for me to find. I popped them out of view and then cheekily asked her if her current book was any good and she seemed quite defensive and just snapped yes. So approaching her about sex seems a little sensitive maybe?
your being to passive. next time you guys are going to fool around after kissing her deeply and telling her sweet nothings get up and confinfently get it out and say I'm going to rock your world.
if she balks just say you bought it and now were going to use it!
When I brought home a vib for us to use at first she was shy but I could tell excited at the same time. If she refuses and get pi$$y stop and say we need to talk.Explain that sex should be fun and exciting and her attitude is a mood killer then say when you want to have a real marriage where sex is an important part of connecting then let you know. finish by giving her a hug and telling her you love her but the tension and attitude she has about sex is really just not working.
My wife left the toy stage and moved on to a wand/massager. It can also be used on the back, legs, neck, and shoulders. It's very relaxing and isn't shaped like a penis, so not embarrassing to pull out.
Sometimes if she is sleeping I will hook it up and start massaging her, she will slowly open her thighs and invite the massager in. I am not sure if this type of openness will change her opinion on using a toy in front of you, but a massage isn't shaped like a penis and isn't really a toy. You are both mature adults, so purchase a massager and help her get more comfortable being comfortable in front of you.
These wands can make oral much harder/longer though because it spoils a woman. My tongue is quick, but not that quick.
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Sex toy use in marriage 
