So hubby and I had an arguement. We haven't had a proper row in over a year and it totally freaks me out. I'd quite happily have ferocious rows with previous bf's but its just with hubby because he's so even tempered when he get angry its totally out of character for him.
So hubby was going away for a couple of days for work, so as usual I made a special effort I bought a new chemise did a nice dinner and we went to bed early, So the first shag was brilliant a little rough and intense which is how I like it.The problem I mentioned before in an earlier thread wasn't there and it was really good.
So we cuddled for a while after which we both like, after a while I could feel hubby getting ready to go again. So as per usual I started to give him oral. After a while he gave me the signal that he was ready to back to vaginal sex which is unusual cause usually I spend a lot longer.
I should explain that our routine is that I give him oral untill he's pretty much ready to finish and then we go back to vaginal just for the last minute or so.
Anywho after shagging for a while its glaringly obvious that he's not ready to finish. So I'm starting to get sore. One of the things hubby doesn't really realise is that he's actually quite big (I've told him this but he doesn't really believe me) and while it's okay for him to thrust all the way in the first time the second and third time it does get uncomfortable.
So anyway I suggest I go back to giving him oral. Then he says why don't we keep going and maybe I'll orgasm again. This is when I got pissed off.
Every now and again I will have a second orgasm which hubby gets a lot of satisfaction from. So this evening he deliberatly changed our routine to try and make me orgasm again. He didn't tell me this was what he wanted to do and he knows I usually don't want to even try.
So I get a little pissed off when I realise and we stop. I have a go at him for not telling me what he was doing, and he just says he'd rather not have sex if I'm not enjoying it.
So then I got more pissed and told him that hisraging hard on said otherwise. This was probably a mistake as overt sexual stuff like that makes hubby uncomfortable and throwing it in his face well I regret that.
So he just ends it there and goes to get a shower and starts to get ready.
I kind of regreted what happened so as he was going to leave I tried something we'd do occassionally. He still had time when he was going out the door so I opened my dressing gown did the whole ****ty nymph routine went to snog him as a prelude to a quicky.
So he turned me down flat. It is not a nice feeling there I was with my gown open and I get rejected by my own husband. At this point I went mental started shouting and screaming in a way I've never done with him and just turned my back on him.
So I've been working out for the last while, I've got a missed call on the phone but .....
Oh I dont' know I'm upset and angry. Am I right or wrong?
I think you're both wrong. I think you're both wayyy overthinking the sex thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying, that you should't strive as a couple to have great sex. But geez, right in the middle, all this hullabaloo and worrying and second guessing each other. Just do it and enjoy it for whatever it is, some nights it will be amazing, other nights, just so so....
I think both you and he might be over analyzing a bit. Dont' you? I'm just trying to help! :-)
Interesting. My wife does not like it if I do anything new without running it by her first.
However, I'm sure you can negotiate. I doubt hubby can truly last out long without sex, he's bluffing.
What is also clear is that sex is one hell of a dynamic for you - you both have a clear idea what you want, and at the moment it is not the same. Result: fireworks.
oh neither of us are going to do the whole denial of sex thing. Even if we're angry we'll still have sex.
When we first got together the sex was tragically bad, and I'm being honest when I say it was mostly down to him. He was in this ****ing awful 8 year relationship when he met me, and he had all these habits that he'd gotten into mainly to placate his ex.
Anywho so we sorted things out sexually which is why I'm pissed now. We had all these problems at the beginning of the relationship, we worked at it and go from having awful sex to incredibly good sex in the space of a few months. Now he wants to revisit all that and for no good reason.
I'm perfectly satisfied sexually, and he's perfectly satisfied sexually so what's his motivation?. Seriously I don't get it!
What I'm getting from this is that we have two very strong people here. If you were able to improve his game so much already, there is probably no limit to how far you can travel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarah.rslp
He was in this ****ing awful 8 year relationship when he met me, and he had all these habits that he'd gotten into mainly to placate his ex.
What I'm getting from this is that we have two very strong people here. If you were able to improve his game so much already, there is probably no limit to how far you can travel.
Care to share?
There's no need for either of us to improve our game any further. What makes this whole thing so ****ing ridiculous is that the sex is pretty much as good as I've ever had and I know for a fact its miles ahead of anything hubby's every had.
We worked through all these issues with sex at the beginning of our relationship why the **** does he want to revisit them?
Is that a genuine question, or angry rhetoric? If it's a real question, be warned that it's almost certainly a 'Pandora's Box'.
I mean I can understand if there was something wrong but there isn't, so what the **** is he thinking.
This morning I've just been getting more and more angry, his plane lands in a few hours, and the first thing he's want to be doing is phoning to apologize. Even if I had been the biggest ***** in the world (which I wasn't) walking out on me like that is not ****ing on, and its not ever going to happen again.
I mean I can understand if there was something wrong but there isn't, so what the **** is he thinking.
I think you're missing the point. He thinks there is something wrorng, and you don't want to look at it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarah.rslp
This morning I've just been getting more and more angry, his plane lands in a few hours, and the first thing he's want to be doing is phoning to apologize. Even if I had been the biggest ***** in the world (which I wasn't) walking out on me like that is not ****ing on, and its not ever going to happen again.
I think you're missing the point. He thinks there is something wrorng, and you don't want to look at it.
You can't dictate his reactions, only yours.
Yes I ****ing well can. I've never put up with behaviour like that and I don't intend to start.
His plane lands in a little over an hour he's had his cooling down period, I've been 100% supportive of him, his job and his family but the very first thing he'd better do when he lands is get on the phone with a carefully worded apology.
Sarah, I've learned recently though a series of marriage books I've read that you can not ever dictate or change your significant other's actions/reactions, you can only change your own.
However, most of the time by changing your own you will indirectly change how your SO reacts to you.
Sarah, I've learned recently though a series of marriage books I've read that you can not ever dictate or change your significant other's actions/reactions, you can only change your own.
However, most of the time by changing your own you will indirectly change how your SO reacts to you.
Sorry but that's bollocks. He knows that what he did is unacceptable. I'm pretty even tempered he must have known how I'd react even before he did it. I'm not some unpredictable harpey.
I ****ing knew sex would be the source of an arguement eventually.
I've calmed down a little though which is good I suppose. It's just killing me, I've never invested so much in a relationship before. We actually sat down and worked out a system of give and take when it came to sex, so we matched ourselfs to each other. And then he just goes and thinks he can move the goalposts.
And as for brushing me off as he left, I had 6 serious relationships before hubby and if any of them had done that... well that would have been it dead.... I love him to bits but I'm not putting up with that.
So yeah I'm afraid if his attitude on the phone isn't 100% apologetic, I am going to dictate a new one for him.
lol, I'm with MT on this one, I want to see how this transpires/ends.
Pull out the popcorn.
You eventually might realize that you can't dictate how others act, they are their own person.
You can only affect/change how you react.
You are refusing to believe you had any part in this altercation.
"So anyway I suggest I go back to giving him oral. Then he says why don't we keep going and maybe I'll orgasm again. This is when I got pissed off.
So I get a little pissed off when I realise and we stop. I have a go at him for not telling me what he was doing, "
Even you admit he suggested staying in one position and that set you off/pissed you off.
You jumped off him, and started arguing with him right in the middle of sex and you really wonder why he wasn't all for it 10 minutes later when he was leaving to catch a flight?
Hubby wants to change the rules.
) it can't be done!
