So I have been married for about 3 years now, this past year we have hit some really rocky times. So for the past 3 months I have came up with a plan to put our marriage back on track, by having date nights, walks in the park, cute little pizza making nights, etc… Anything that I felt would bring us closer then ever together. And I am happy to report that it worked flawlessly, we are happily in love on that front. So I decided if I could put forth so much effort into fixing that side of our relationship why not spend that effort also fixing our sex life which has also been on an even more rocky road since we got married. Clearly this didn't work out so or else I wouldn't typing this as my first intimate divulgence on the internet. Let me give you a little back story and maybe I can get some some gems of feedback because I am out of ideas.
When we first started dating the sex was great, of course, isn't sex always great in the honeymoon stage. That all lasted up until we got engaged and then I slowly became bored with the same vanilla sex every single time. It was almost routine in every way. While I know I could of been more communicative about all of it earlier on before it got this bad but in the early days I was quite a bit more timid talking about intimacy, so it is true that the fault goes 2 ways. But she has slowly over time put such restrictions on sex that it left no alternatives and no hope of compromise. No foreplay, rarely change of positions because she didn't like doing the work, wouldn't get on top cause she hates the way her hip clicks, no BJ's etc. You get the idea, Vanilla sex. I have on several occasions gone down on her, tease her a little as foreplay, sensual messages, but it was still always the same. It got to the point where I did not want sex for weeks even months at a time because the thought of it became almost as a chore or maintenance rather. So finally after putting our marriage back on track I said that enough is enough to myself and decided to open up fully to her and show her the kind of sex that I want.
I had myself worked up for a few days waiting to show her the kind of sex I like and want to have. So finally one day after dinner we head up stairs and I had created a wicked awesome sex soundtrack that was fitting for the type of sex I wanted which was rougher then normal. Once I put that on she looked over at me weird cause we normally just watch tv until we pass out. But she started to undress and I went over, pined her against the wall before she could put on her nightwear and we begun to go at it, trying new positions and I tried a some dirty talk with a more assertive tone. The sex was fantastic, she thought so too. Havn't been that excited in YEARS but Here comes the storm clouds.
We began to snuggle afterward as we both felt great. FINALLY some spice, some fire. We began talking about how I was more forceful and how I want to have a more open sex life with each other, try new things, but she didn't really say much about it which I found odd. I finally open myself up with her on another level and she does not seem to be interested in what I have to say. So I thought "what the hell i already went this far" and decided I would ask her what she wants to try. "I don't know" she said, followed by "nothing really". "What do you fantasize about when you masturbate?" I asked, "nothing, I don't fantasize about anything" she replied. Some how we did end up onto the topic of BJ's, I am fully aware that a good portion of women don't like to do this and this was already prestablished in our relationship, I have come to terms with that. I don't know what I was hoping for knowing all of that, but I decided to ask "what exactly is it about BJ's that you don't like?" so that I could get a better idea if it had to do with her feeling dirty, embarrassed. I laughed and assured her that I am immaculately clean down there and would never ask her unless otherwise, also let her know that if it was embarrassing or made her feel dirty, that I find it a turn on and she has nothing to feel embarrassed about. Keep in mind I am totally okay if she continues to not want to but her response to "what about BJ's don't you like?" basically has killed my sex drive ever since then days ago.
Her response… "I don't like the salty taste." I again assured her that there she be little to no salty taste as I am kind of OCD about keeping it clean as a whistle down here. "No not that" she said, "I don't like how salty the cum is in the throat.".
I sat there in disbelief that she just said that, it wasn't even the question I was asking, i was asking just about BJ's not cumin in her mouth. but lead to so many more questions I couldn't bring myself to ask. I could only bring myself to say "so it seems you have let your ex's cum in your mouth..?". "uh yeah" she said. I immediately shut off like a light, I am assuming for rightful reasons knowing your wife has swallowed other guys cum but refuses to even give you a BJ. There goes one of the top things I always fantasized doing with her.
But anywise, I know all that talk about its the past. let it go. But when your sex life is teetering on its last string because of no spice or flair, and she tells you that. You tend to think a lot about it. I cant stop thinking about it, "why them and not me?", "Am I not desired as much as them?", "Why is she willing to do so much with others but nothing with her husband?" I was not the one to start putting restrictions on sex in the beginning. I wanted to compromise. Keep in mind this isn't the first time this has happened where she mentioned what she has done to people in her past but not me. Could it be that she is not over them or she still fantasizes about them?
Any advice would be great, or maybe even a different perspective. HELP!