Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
Just a hypothetical question but I've always wondered how I'd react if it ever came to that....
If you were in a relationship that was completely sexless, but apart from that was great, would you consider getting sex somewhere else? Eg. Affair, one night stand, prostitute etc.
Also, if you were, for example, a wife who didnt want sex any more, would you allow your husband to get it elsewhere?
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
Do you think your wife saying you need to lose weight is just a smoke screen?
Anyway, to answer your question, I would either get a g/f with her permission, or leave. In the end I would leave anyway - as soon as the kids were old enough. I would not cheat. Well that's easier said than done I know, but I don't feel cheating is a good idea. It means that the part of your quote I put in bold is nonsense:
Quote:
Originally Posted by psychocandy
If you were in a relationship that was completely sexless, but apart from that was great, would you consider getting sex somewhere else? Eg. Affair, one night stand, prostitute etc.
A relationship that includes lying is not included in my definition of great.
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
I agree with Mark psychocandy.
In the end, if your wife is going to totally cut off sex, and refuse to even work with you, or try . then eventually won't you have to leave? I mean for your own happiness. You can't stay like this forever. If there is absolutely no sex, and no trying for sex, and she doesn't want you at All... then you've got to think whether you want to remain in a sexless marriage for the rest ofyour life.
Your happiness is important too. I know how hard having sex issues in a marriage can be. But no sex, at all, ever, not very many people can put up with that for very long.
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
psychocandy-
Actually, I owe you an apology, because I had somewhat bought into your wife going on about your weight - partly because I thought she was trying to motivate you to be healthy. But when I thought about it, 16 stone is not that bad, unless you are only 5ft high!
My wife likes me to look lean and mean, but she would not cut me off if I got to your weight. however, I have to be brutally frank and say, I would probably not get as much. Also, she is very slim, so I have no excuse.
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
Your situation is a very tough one. It sounds like she is freezing you out in hopes that you will leave or cheat. Thus giving her grounds to leave and not be the person at fault for the marriage ending. I would be tempted if I were you, but I would not give in to temptation here.
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancing Nancie
Your situation is a very tough one. It sounds like she is freezing you out in hopes that you will leave or cheat. Thus giving her grounds to leave and not be the person at fault for the marriage ending. I would be tempted if I were you, but I would not give in to temptation here.
Hey, hang on. I wasnt referrring to my own situation here.
Yes, as you can see from previous posts I do have problems in that department. However, judging by other posts it seems I aint the only one.
Its just something that occured to me. My wife has never suggested or offered anythuing like that....
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkTwain
psychocandy-
Actually, I owe you an apology, because I had somewhat bought into your wife going on about your weight - partly because I thought she was trying to motivate you to be healthy. But when I thought about it, 16 stone is not that bad, unless you are only 5ft high!
My wife likes me to look lean and mean, but she would not cut me off if I got to your weight. however, I have to be brutally frank and say, I would probably not get as much. Also, she is very slim, so I have no excuse.
Hmm. I'm 5ft 8in. I think gor my height and weight, my BMI classes me as VERY OBESE. I used to be MORBIDLY OBESE but not I've lost a little.
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
Well, if you had read my article (which I am going to take down soon), on why women go off sex, you would see that not having a backbone is on the list.
I did not put obesity on the list as I thought that was obvious in terms of not being at your most attractive. Again, not wanting to be rude, but you ask about finding it elsewhere in the thread title. Most people who are considering an affair usually take a sudden interest in getting fit, unless they already are.
My old boss's wife always used to say, "I bet he is planning on an affair" if somebody at work who was fat suddenly got slim!
So I want to ask you point blank - do you think your wife is actually trying to save your life and motivate you to lose weight, or is she using it as an excuse?
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkTwain
Well, if you had read my article (which I am going to take down soon), on why women go off sex, you would see that not having a backbone is on the list.
I did not put obesity on the list as I thought that was obvious in terms of not being at your most attractive. Again, not wanting to be rude, but you ask about finding it elsewhere in the thread title. Most people who are considering an affair usually take a sudden interest in getting fit, unless they already are.
My old boss's wife always used to say, "I bet he is planning on an affair" if somebody at work who was fat suddenly got slim!
So I want to ask you point blank - do you think your wife is actually trying to save your life and motivate you to lose weight, or is she using it as an excuse?
I think my wife wants me to lose weight because she thinks its not healthy and because she doesnt fancy me the way I am at the moment...
When we married I was a LOT thinner than I am now. And I have been very poor at making an effort to loose weight and shes been on about it for YEARS !!!
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
sorry but if there was no sex, id dump and move on. but then i really cannot live in a sexless marriage.
i enjoy sex and to live without my unfortunate vice , would really do my head in.
sex to me is part of love and passion and a relationship. the intimacy and power it can bring to oneself is a massive boost in my case.
Re: If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else?
justean, I agree. If my marriage ever went entirely sexless and I could do nothing to change it, I would have to leave. I know eventually I would give into the temptation of cheating so I would save her the hurt of doing that to her and just leave first.
If there was no sex - is it ok to find somewhere else? 
