Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I hope this hasn't happened too many times in the past. Rejection is pure he*l on a man's self esteem
I have done the same type of thing for my wife in the past just because I appreciate her so and I didn't expect anything back. I just wanted her to enjoy the moment for all the things she has done for me
I'm beginning to agree and I get that, but doesn't he share some of the responsibility here? If payday was on the 15th, and I wanted something really bad and it's only the 10th, I shouldn't keep asking for it each day until the 15th, because I KNOW I will get it on the 15th.. He knows he will get a lot when his condition clears up and it's not that long from now, a few days max?
I'm beginning to agree and I get that, but doesn't he share some of the responsibility here? If payday was on the 15th, and I wanted something really bad and it's only the 10th, I shouldn't keep asking for it each day until the 15th, because I KNOW I will get it on the 15th.. He knows he will get a lot when his condition clears up and it's not that long from now, a few days max?
That's a cool analogy, and I haven't thought of it like that before, but I think that since love is free, you might want to be open about it.
For instance sometimes my wife is really into reading in bed but I want to pleasure her orally, so I say you just keep on reading. The reading only lasts a couple of minutes though... If she is self conscious about just receiving (often) we use a blindfold and I tell her to treat it like a massage.
I can understand both sides of the argument. Good luck.
Cherry - when I was cleared by the doctor to use my penis again, the first time we had sex after that, it was totally mind-blowing!
Hopefully, after your husband's issue subsides, you will have a similar experience.
In the meantime, you might want to consider letting your H use a toy on you while he gives you oral, or perhaps he gives you oral and then uses a toy on you once you start contracting. Not quite the same as his c*ck, but certainly it's the next best thing...
I think what you're missing cherry is that it's not about HIM getting sex for him, he wants to do it to make YOU happy, which in turn makes him feel like he's good enough for you, that he is doing his job, that you guys are closer...
Perhaps instead try saying you know that sounds really great, but I'm so tired right now, what I would really love for you to do is just spoon with me.
Instead of just turning him down, give him an alternative so at least he can feel like he's doing something for you.
If he has frequent outbreaks and this is something you guys deal with maybe you should look at getting some toys, so he could bring you to a climax orally then pleasure you with toys.
I think that what you're missing is that for him pleasuring you is an emotional bond, making him feel like a man. Right now he can't please you like he normally would, he feels worthless, he feels like he's not a man, like what good am I? I can't even please my woman. Each time you turn him down, it's reinforcing that feeling for him.
I think a better analogy is that you both agreed not to get each other gifts, but he went ahead and got you a gift anyway because he felt it was important, or he wanted to surprise you or whatever. But rather than accepting the gift and thus accepting his love you....well you know the rest.
I think a better analogy is that you both agreed not to get each other gifts, but he went ahead and got you a gift anyway because he felt it was important, or he wanted to surprise you or whatever. But rather than accepting the gift and thus accepting his love you....well you know the rest.
What if the gift he got me required effort from me that I wasn't ready for just yet? Could I get back to that gift when I'm better rested up? Like a chair that had to be put together...
Then you should be sure to say I love this chair, but I don't have the energy to put it together right now, could we put it together tomorrow... that way he knows you like the chair and he doesn't feel like it was a useless gift.
Then you should be sure to say I love this chair, but I don't have the energy to put it together right now, could we put it together tomorrow... that way he knows you like the chair and he doesn't feel like it was a useless gift.
I agree. I know now I was pretty harsh with how things went down last night and I plan to make it up to him, if he's willing tonight. I like your suggestion about the toys... We have one that resembles his member It will still leave me feeling like I am missing something because I absolutely love it when he climaxes too. He'll get his in a few days though
Who's putting a chair together here? Did they get it at Ikea? Those instructions are a b*tch!!
Look your man, wanted to give you something because he knows that you have to put up with a lot with his condition. He wanted to let you know that he may be down, but he isn't out. And you could look at is as a kind of a "thank you" and here's the weird part that is foreign to a lot of men and women. HE EXPECTED NOTHING IN RETURN! He only wanted to please you because you are important to him. But, you have this thing set in your mind that it's all or nothing.
But since we're using analogies here. I'll use my own. Your in the Supermarket and your husband is in there with a tray with little pieces of a new cut of Fillet Mignon on toothpicks that they're selling at the market there. You have a piece and "DAMN! That's an awesome cut of steak!!" Melts in your mouth GOOD!! You have to buy you some of that! You B-line it to the meat section and you get some and you WANT to grill them up tonight it was sooooo good. And you are excited about prepping them and grilling them up....OH WAIT!!! Fresh corn on the cob would go awesome with this...and baked potato....and your getting all excited about this meal, all because of one little sample that got you something to look forward to..
Atta girl Cherry! Work him up to it if you can, send him a text saying I've love to take you up on your offer last night if it still stands.
I'll be honest, I don't have any personal experience with herpes, I only know clinical information. But what if he was to masturbate while playing with you to get his own? Is that possible? Or something you'd like to pursue? That would allow you to feel like he got his, and he could feel like you got yours...
Damn this forum, I'm not getting ANYTHING done today!
Who's putting a chair together here? Did they get it at Ikea? Those instructions are a b*tch!!
Look your man, wanted to give you something because he knows that you have to put up with a lot with his condition. He wanted to let you know that he may be down, but he isn't out. And you could look at is as a kind of a "thank you" and here's the weird part that is foreign to a lot of men and women. HE EXPECTED NOTHING IN RETURN! He only wanted to please you because you are important to him. But, you have this thing set in your mind that it's all or nothing.
But since we're using analogies here. I'll use my own. Your in the Supermarket and your husband is in there with a tray with little pieces of a new cut of Fillet Mignon on toothpicks that they're selling at the market there. You have a piece and "DAMN! That's an awesome cut of steak!!" Melts in your mouth GOOD!! You have to buy you some of that! You B-line it to the meat section and you get some and you WANT to grill them up tonight it was sooooo good. And you are excited about prepping them and grilling them up....OH WAIT!!! Fresh corn on the cob would go awesome with this...and baked potato....and your getting all excited about this meal, all because of one little sample that got you something to look forward to..
Damn....now I'm hungry.
lol -- yep, and I went and got BBQ chips based on your analogy
I get what you're saying and I understand it. What I don't understand is that my H knows I could go a long time without anything sexually, that is just the cold hard truth. I do not have a drive, period. I do not crave sex, I do not think about sex, I do not anything about sex. I have sex to please my H. The benefit for me is getting off in the process of pleasing my H too. So for my H to want to please me for my benefit sexually, given the above information, makes 0% sense to me.
Atta girl Cherry! Work him up to it if you can, send him a text saying I've love to take you up on your offer last night if it still stands.
LOVE this!!
And I keep trying to engage my DH this way, and he looks at me like I'm crazy! Of course, I tend to do this when we are in a room full of people, because I want to "get to him" but can't say things outright in front of my parents, or sisters, or even the kids... they tend to look at you funny when you say such things!
lol -- yep, and I went and got BBQ chips based on your analogy
I get what you're saying and I understand it. What I don't understand is that my H knows I could go a long time without anything sexually, that is just the cold hard truth. I do not have a drive, period. I do not crave sex, I do not think about sex, I do not anything about sex. I have sex to please my H. The benefit for me is getting off in the process of pleasing my H too. So for my H to want to please me for my benefit sexually, given the above information, makes 0% sense to me.
The fact that he wants to please you sexually shouldn't have to be baffling to you. It's a way of getting close to you and seeing you enjoying yourself sexually is a turn on for him (for any guy really). If a guy see's a women in the middle of an orgasim that HE caused! It's kinda like, " Hell yeah, babe! You know where your bread is buttered!"
I know that you said that you have a LD and you're working on it right? I'm sure that will help.
I think you're still stuck on the fact that you think this is about you, but it's not. It goes back to him thinking " a real man" could satisfy his wife. It's about him, just involving you, lol.
Good luck Cherry, I'm sure tonight will be a lot of fun!
Hmm, well he may know that what little drive you have is based on wanting to please him, but no guy wants to believe that. We sit at work hoping you're sitting at home pining for us.
So when the offer comes in you can either accept it and reinforce that image, or you can reject it and remind him that you only do it as "chore sex". By the way, you might feel that chore sex makes you loving, and I would agree....but it's not nearly as good as you actually being into him.
Take this with a grain of salt. As I said in another thread, I'm hyper sensitive to rejection. Some men might just let stuff like this roll off their back.
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Re: Turning down oral sex 
It will still leave me feeling like I am missing something because I absolutely love it when he climaxes too. He'll get his in a few days though 
