Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My H is out of commission down there and unless we use a condom, we can’t have vaginal sex. It’s usually for a few days to a week and some of you might know that I am continuing to work on my drive. But we agreed (or so I thought) that this would be a decent time to just focus on cuddling, and other non-sexual intimacy for these few days. 2 nights ago he asked me if he could go down on me, just for me. I told him that I would feel like I’m missing something without full on sex after, besides we discussed it and I thought we agreed we would steer clear of any sexual touch for a few days. He suggested it again last night, and I answered with the same answer and then I got aggravated. We got in a little argument and he pretty much made me feel like crap. But I tried to explain to him that I thought we had an understanding that once his condition clears up, it’s game on again. He said that the oral was for my enjoyment… That aggravated me because if I wanted that, he knows I would ask. I just hated that he put me in a position to reject him again for a 2nd night in a row when I thought we had an understanding… But I also felt like he was putting me on the spot and making me out to be the bad guy by telling me it’s for my enjoyment only. He told me that he couldn’t imagine rejecting me if I offered the same thing, and I reminded him I am not him and my drive is not 100%, so it’s a different scenario.
Someone just tell me I wasn’t a complete jerk in this whole thing. I love oral, but I can’t just stop at that and I thought it was a good time to take advantage of intimacy on other levels… Apparently he didn’t/doesn’t feel the same way. Just wanted other’s thoughts on this because I do feel bad.
I can see my guy doing this....he wants to feel closer to you.
I don't think you are being a jerk, but I also think you may not fully comprehend what sex means to men -- that IS cuddling for them, believe it or not.
I am a bit confused (and I don't know your situation) but if you like oral and he wants to give, what is the issue?
I think I enjoy giving my wife oral more than she likes receiving it so (for me at least) it isn't only about her pleasure, I get something out of it also.
To a lot of men, sex is not just about the physical, but also about an emotional connection, particularly in marriage or a long term relationship. While you find cuddling and holding satisfying, it may not give him the connection he wants. Since he can't get it through full on sex, he is offering oral to you. That may be him reaching out to connect to you.
I don't see you being a complete jerk because he is trying to change the deal. But I think it is worthwhile for you to talk to him a bit and consider whether changing the deal a bit might help things. Not saying you should, rather listen to him and what he is saying (and not saying) and be open to the possibility.
I am a bit confused (and I don't know your situation) but if you like oral and he wants to give, what is the issue?
I think I enjoy giving my wife oral more than she likes receiving it so (for me at least) it isn't only about her pleasure, I get something out of it also.
I love it when he when he brings me to climax during oral and then for him to penetrate me at that time while I am cumming -- my favorite. Oral alone, it takes a lot of concentration on my part, I guess it's mental work that I simply wasn't up for last night or the night before. We had worked on our bathroom together and it was way late for us, already approaching midnight so I saw it going well into the wee hours of the morning, We are usually in bed by 10 pm, this was 2 hours later than that and it wasn't something I wanted at that time. I don't know.
If we have an understanding, then why does he get a pass to change up the terms when he claims it is for my benefit and it's not something I'm particularly interested in for the night? If it's for my benefit as he claimed, then I should be able to reject it, correct???? He never said he just wanted to taste me, or that he misses, or that he wants it... He made it out to be for me.
Completely understandable, C...but did you wake him up this morning with some nice sexytime?
Tired is tired, and that's fine, but especially if you've rejected him twice, I think it would be wise for you to initiate the next sexual encounter, and soon. Men need to feel desired. (Well, we all do.)
Completely understandable, C...but did you wake him up this morning with some nice sexytime?
Tired is tired, and that's fine, but especially if you've rejected him twice, I think it would be wise for you to initiate the next sexual encounter, and soon. Men need to feel desired. (Well, we all do.)
My H has a herpes breakout... hence his member is out of commission, sorry not going there. I told him when it clears up he is getting a BJ to completion... Is that good enough for the next sexual encounter?
No, C, it's really not. You could have awoken him by rubbing your breasts over his face, then letting him eat you. (Sorry, I hope that's not TMI.)
I guess I'm more sexual than many women on here. Sorry.
Okay, fair enough, but our morning routine doesn't allow for that extra time in the morning during the weekdays... especially after going to bed at midnight and awaking to twin 3 year old's standing by your bed at 5 am
Cherry - I recently encountered a similar situation.
Back in March my penis was out of commission due to a physical injury that I would rather not have to describe in detail. The net of it was that my urologist said I had to abstain from using my penis for penetration, and any kind of handling (hand jobs, oral, etc.) for 2 weeks. It was OK to have erections, they were going to happen anyway, like the ones every man has at night, but using my c*ck for sex was out of the question.
Coincidentally, my wife was in the middle of a hormone-shift-fuelled sexual awakening. In lieu of intercourse, she resorted to masturbation, which to my knowledge, was a brand-new thing for her. She eventually admitted this to me, and frankly, I thought it was a great thing for her, getting more in tune with herself, having a new sexual outlet, etc.
During that time, I suggested during a few hot and heavy make-out sessions that I could service her orally/manually, but she refused my suggestions. It was very frustrating to me, because I had no other sexual outlet. She explained to me that she was not comfortable with being the focus of attention during sex, and that she really wanted any sex act we would do together to culminate with me penetrating her with my penis.
Eventually, she understood that this was my only means of sexual expression, and she allowed me to bring her to orgasm a few times with my tongue. She now understands that it means a lot to me to make her the focus sometimes, and that I get a LOT out of bringing her pleasure and seeing/hearing/feeling her climax, without any expectation of reciprocation.
So I can certainly understand how you feel about not wanting your husband to make you the "center of attention". But perhaps if you consider how you feel or have felt (that it is a turn-on for you, too) about giving your husband a BJ without any expectation of any other activities, it might help change your perspective on it.
I hope this hasn't happened too many times in the past. Rejection is pure he*l on a man's self esteem
I have done the same type of thing for my wife in the past just because I appreciate her so and I didn't expect anything back. I just wanted her to enjoy the moment for all the things she has done for me
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Turning down oral sex 
