Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I come here every day and read about how to fix my marriage.Been married for 30 years to a LD,Non-Sexual,Self-Center Women.But besides that would not change a thing.Well I read about foreplay does not start in the bedroom with female's.So it made sense to me.So yesterday I started early in the day with a love letter in the morning.A nice call in the afternoon.At 5:00 pm I call her and said lets go out to dinner and maybe we come have a nice night out,And come home and get together.Her answer was sounds great.I could tell when she came home from work she was a bit bitter.I realized once again I put pressure on her to perform that night and of course she does not like pressure about sex.So we had some what of a nice evening.I go to bed at 9:00pm .She does not show up,Blows me off.In the morning its the old she's sound to sleep to the very last minute and jump out of bed and say I'm late gotta go.Well my point is this.Next time I think my foreplay will be Hey want to get laid??? All the 24 hours did was make things worse for the rejection???What I have come to realize is there is no changing someone with lack of desire for sex.They are controll freaks.
I come here every day and read about how to fix my marriage.Been married for 30 years to a LD,Non-Sexual,Self-Center Women.But besides that would not change a thing.Well I read about foreplay does not start in the bedroom with female's.So it made sense to me.So yesterday I started early in the day with a love letter in the morning.A nice call in the afternoon.At 5:00 pm I call her and said lets go out to dinner and maybe we come have a nice night out,And come home and get together.Her answer was sounds great.I could tell when she came home from work she was a bit bitter.I realized once again I put pressure on her to perform that night and of course she does not like pressure about sex.So we had some what of a nice evening.I go to bed at 9:00pm .She does not show up,Blows me off.In the morning its the old she's sound to sleep to the very last minute and jump out of bed and say I'm late gotta go.Well my point is this.Next time I think my foreplay will be Hey want to get laid??? All the 24 hours did was make things worse for the rejection???What I have come to realize is there is no changing someone with lack of desire for sex.They are controll freaks.
Uhhhhh... if I was in this fame of mind, no way would I be interested in sex either. Like nora said, you can't expect miracles from one try. Have you tried giving her a massage after a bad day? Not with the expectation of sex, but just to make her feel better? I don't know the particulars of your situation, but try different things to relax her. Not with the sole purpose of "getting laid" as you put it, but to connect with her. It might actually make her more receptive to actually having sex.
I have been doing these things off and on for 24 years. I get the same response as you do. She takes it as pressure to have sex. She never initiates anything that could be construed as 'foreplay', and if I do it, she feels pressure. If I don't do it, then I am not romantic. There is no pleasing her.
You might have success if you do this for a while, but based on my experience, you are correct in that you can't change someone. They have to want to change and they need to care about you and your need for sex/affection.
Your foreplay plan would have worked beautifully if you had showered a healthy human being with all that affection instead of wasting it on a zombie. Why do we reward those who torture us? Bad behavior should be punished and only good behavior rewarded. She gives less than bare minimum? Figure out how to give even less back (this would be tough to do).
Your foreplay plan would have worked beautifully if you had showered a healthy human being with all that affection instead of wasting it on a zombie. Why do we reward those who torture us? Bad behavior should be punished and only good behavior rewarded. She gives less than bare minimum? Figure out how to give even less back (this would be tough to do).
We reward those that torture us, because we have no option.
You either have to be in a position to walk away or try your hardest to get whatever affection you can from a 'zombie'. Giving less back means getting nothing in return.
You know, I just get tired of all the effort I put in to it all.You try and learn alot about your LD wife? You try the 24 hour thing,Your nice,Your a good man,She loves you.When sex is so important to me and she knows it.And I constantly try to improve myself and the relationship.And you get no where.Whats a shame is when everything else is great between us.But no sex.You are not going to leave them.But you hate to stay.Why is it so important to a LD female to treat their husband like this. Where's the value in her mind to remove sex from me.I would love to know why does she think its worth it to be nonsexual.And still want everything else that comes with a nice marriage.
JW, I think that making an attempt at a mutually acceptable sex life is a basic requirement for marriage --- but I know many people don't agree. I don't have any answers, just feel bad for you.
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Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Seems so simple. I make all kinds of effort to do what I think she needs to feel loved. I want her to be happy. I want her to feel loved and appreciated.
She knows what would make me feel loved and appreciated. But she makes little to no effort.
The weirdest thing!!!! When we do actually make love (once every 10 days or so). She really enjoys it. We feel so connected. I can tell that she really likes to be close in that way. Just makes no sense that she rejects me more often than not and puts no effort into making it happen.
A man having sex with his wife constitutes a miracle?! I didn't know they'd lowered the bar on "miraculous" quite as much as that
If she's not having sex with him regularly, doesn't want to and hasn't wanted to for a long time, then yes, changing her perspective, outlook, and desire for sex will take a bit of a miracle.
SadSam, if you've ever tried the 40 beads method, you might be able to really benefit (Just Wondering, it may not be as successful for you, but it doesn't hurt to try).
Essentially, the 40 beads method--assuming I'm remembering correctly is this: you (or the HD partner) has 40 beads (Duh!) in a dish near your bed or hidden nearby. When you're in the mood, you put one of your beads in her dish, letting her know that you're ready for sex whenever she's ready to respond. She has 24 hours to respond.
My wife and I know a couple who have tried it with a lot of success. According to them, the reason it works is that the LD partner doesn't feel as pressured for sex because it takes the immediacy out of the equation. She has a day to respond, allow her to start anticipating it and having a little mental foreplay. The only catch is that the bead must stay in the LD partner's dish for the full 24 hours with no additional beads being added by the HD partner, because that would be pressuring her, and it would invalidate everything you're trying to do.
Kinda Funny,Here I'm the man that values sex more than anything on earth.Been married yrs .To a LD women that knows how important it is to me.And she removes that from my life.A lot my HD people try very hard to make the LD person happy.Show them are the love in the world.Smother them with love,kindiness and care for them.But no amont of effort,Love,Kindiness in the world is going to give you a well balance sex life.I gotta laugh at when people say have you given her a back rub,With no expectations of sex,For me 7 times since Jan 1. And I don't think I could rub a naked back of a women and not lay some pipe.I have never quit any project in life.But I'm about to give up on this one.I have never heard of a cure for LD
If she's not having sex with him regularly, doesn't want to and hasn't wanted to for a long time, then yes, changing her perspective, outlook, and desire for sex will take a bit of a miracle.
If it needs a miracle, then there are two things I would point out. Either:
1) MEM11363 and Simply Amorous are candidates for immediate, summary canonisation on their deaths, since their advice has got people having sex (i.e.demonstrable miracles!);
or
2) If sex needs a miracle, this board is a waste of time because if no power on earth can get this guy laid, then sure as hell nothing we write here will help...
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
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24 Hours of Foreplay 
