waiwera

OK... the fact that you go months without sex is mind blowingly awful but I have to say your post makes me mad!

All over this site people talk of the utmost importance of honesty and truthfulness in marriages.

How can you justify these comments.

PS: Honesty is a issue in my marriage so this trigger for me.
I want/insist on complete honesty. Not just on the things my H sees fit to be honest about.

Browncoat

Yeah TAM has convinced me that sweeping things under the rug is bad... pretty much universally.

My wife have striven to be increasingly honest and truthful with each other. While at times the truth hurts, long term it's best to know what's bothering/concerning the other.

SoWhat

Let's say you're really into....romantic comedies.
And your husband got really really angry when you watch romantic comedies, because he thinks they are degrading, exploitative, harmful to relationships, create unrealistic expectations, and make him really insecure.

You, naturally, don't see what the fuss is about.

You're of course going to continue watch them, even if its when you're by yourself.

Will you be honest with him about it, knowing that he's going to get totally pissed about it every time even though it's something that's clearly innocuous?

I'm sure like 98% of women watch rom-coms.
And a very similar percentage of men watch some form of pornography.

--------------

And what does he have to be honest about on this issue?
If he masturbates at all?
If he masturbates to fantasies of other women in his head?
If he masturbates to pictures of women in bikinis?
If he masturbates while looking at porn?

What's the boundary you're suggesting? Does he have to self-report every spill of seed? Or just be forthcoming (no pun intended) when you ask?

waiwera

All those words to justify telling lies and keeping secrets... shame on you.

SoWhat

Maybe.

But I am looking for perspective.

Is H required to disclose everytime he masturbates? Everytime he masturbates and thinks of someone? Everytime he masturbates and looks at something for a visual stimulus?

Is it an affirmative duty or can he wait until you ask?

This is a serious question, by the way, I'm not trying to mess with you.

jaquen

Cee Paul's apparent crime is that he watches porn, and plays with the penis God gave him, without his wife's permission.

Meanwhile Cee Paul's wife is a cold fish who not only refuses to have sex with him, but berates him for finding sexual release where he can in lieu of sex.

I don't think, between these two people, Cee Paul is the one who deserves reproach. Frankly a ton of men would be cheating on her ass right about now. She should be grateful that the only thing he's doing is porn watching to substitute what she refuses to give him in the first place.

The only mistake Cee Paul is doing is not watching while she's in the same room, and cumming as she scolds him.

waiwera

I'm talking about honesty.
Nothing else.

I answered a few pages back about my opinion. Don't like porn but wouldn't forbid H to do anything. But then we have sex several times a week and porn has never been an issue for us.

Masturbation is wonderful...solo or mutual. He no doubt pleases himself from time to time when I'm not around..cool so do I. But don't lie to me and tell me your not when you are.

I just HATE lies.

The liar can always find a way to justify their dishonesty.

My H managed to justify lying to me...not about these issues (financial) but in his head he decided it was the best thing to do, because it would easier for him and he could avoid having a row with me.

The lies almost ended our marriage...not what he was lying about.

waiwera

No his crime is lying about it to his wife and keeping secrets, I stated a couple of times I wouldn't forbid my H to do anything...he's a grown man.

I gather now the talk from some of you about 100% transparancy and trust in marriage is all BS??

Or do you feel you only need to be honest about things that don't invlove your penis.

What happens if your wife LOVES shopping as much as you love your penis...can she keeping her spending habit a secret?
Even if it makes you deeply unhappy and you voice your opinion on it...she should just work harder to keep it a secret from you?

As far as Cee Pauls situation. I don't understand why people put up with it. I am fairly HD and wouldn't live the sexless life he has.

YinPrincess

^^^ Lying is also a huge pet peeve for me.

I think a lot of guys don't give women credit for being able to handle the truth... When you lie, you deprive us of the opportunity to receive the truth and deal with it as a partner.

If you tell the truth and your spouse has a problem with it... It's THEIR problem, not yours.

As Waiwera said above, the lies are often the greater issue than what you're lying about!
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tacoma

That`s because when it concerns pornography a large percentage of them can`t handle the truth.

(Dear god I can`t believe I just posted in another porn thread)

SunnyT

I don't think it's really lying... it's more like not discussing it. And if she isn't "sharing"...and she certainly isn't.... then he is free not to share.

Also, if she isn't giving it up....then it's really none of her business whether he gets off to porn or not. I don't get how someone can withhold sex, which is a huge deal, and still demand to have some say in any rules. Nope.

If I was Cee Paul, I'd be watching it on the big screen in the living room.

donny64

The problem here is that Cee Paul is not dealing with you who can accept this to some degree, and is also having frequent sex with her husband. He's dealing with someone who has unilaterally initiated a shut down on marital sex, and then forbids him from pleasuring himself and tells him in essence he's a disgusting pig.

Now, when I read his post about going underground with it, I winced a little. Not because he was lying to the ice queen, but because it was just the wrong move to make. She made a silly demand, and he (in her eyes) has caved in again. Had that of been me, she'd of gotten a "touch chit, you are in no position to dictate to me what I can do to have my sexual needs met since you checked out long ago. Deal with it or leave. Meanwhile I'm gonna rub one out, and then figure out just how much interest I HAVE in staying here any longer."

This was not something he was doing that caused problems in the bedroom, this is something he turned to after she cut him off. She has zero say in if this is okay for her or not. Her feelings at this point do not factor in. She does not own him, his mind, or his penis. She, however thinks she does. If he thinks about it and takes his testicles back, maybe she'll get that figured out.

Some women (some, not all or most) are so into the "my body, my choice" thing, but don't want to afford men the same consideration they demand.

jaquen

I read your post a few pages back on the issue, and I actually agree with you.

But I don't get the reprimand on Cee Paul. His wife is forsaking her marital pack and is refusing him sex. That is cruel. She also has taken it a step further and is rebuking and actually forbidding him from watching porn and getting himself off.

If I were him I wouldn't lie, and just tell her it's never going to happen. But this man apparently has a bull of a wife, and he's tired of getting strung up. He's in a HORRID position. I totally get why he feels the needs to hide this, even if I believe he should muster up the courage to not. But it can't be easy dealing with someone nagging at you constantly when you want to get your rocks off, while simultaneously serving as the origin of your dissatisfaction.


With the speakers plugged up, at full blast, butter ball ass naked!

waiwera

In the time I've been on the TAM boards the one thing that comes up time and time again is the need for honesty.

That trust is the foundation of any relationship.

I am so disheartened to read these posts with you lot justifying telling lies... when would it be acceptable for your wife to lie to you?

The way cee pauls wife treats him is disgraceful. Only cee paul can change that. I wish he could have sex everyday with a wild woman who wanted rip his clothes off... i wish he had a happier life.
I've seen his threads over the past months and he came here and talked about the secrets and sneaky behaviour his wife was dealing out...he was upset and didn't know what the he!! she was up to... i recall him thinking an affair.

But it's ok for him to lie...

jaquen

I'm a little confused, because you keep on referring to TAM as though it is one collective group think, all in line, everyone doling out the exact same advice. From my experience here the advice wildly varies, people often disagree and debate, because, well, we're all different and all come from different backgrounds.


This is clearly a sore subject for you, and it might be causing you to lose objectivity. Because nobody in this thread recommended, condoned, or celebrated Cee Paul lying to his wife. Quite the contrary, almost all of us said straight up that we'd totally tell her what we were doing, and be brazen about it.

You're mistaking understanding with condoning. They are not the same thing. We empathize with a man being denied a basic human pleasure, who is turning to porn to make up for his wife's lack of care for his needs, and see that she's even trying to rob him of that. It is NOT an easy situation to be in, and he's choosing the path of least resistance so that he doesn't upset her, and can continue to enjoy what little sexual activity he can muster.

Who WOULDN'T empathize with that is the question. Again, he should find the guts to tell her, and do it anyway. But my God, you can't help but understand why he feels the need to lie to this woman.

I think your deep lying pet peeve is really, truly causing you to read into people's posts views that they don't even share. Because I know that if I was Cee Paul I'd be jerking off right in the bed next to her, every single chance I got.