Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
So I admit I am into a few weird things and a few weird fetishes that totally turn me on, and YES these have all been discussed with my wife and we even tried a few of them the first two years of marriage. But for the past 5 years those turn-ons are all now totally "disgusting" to her and too weird for her tastes, and she is a very vanilla person in the bedroom and she's made it clear that won't change from now on. Hell she fully knows that I have a fetish for pretty feet and hands on a woman and she doesn't even bother keeping those nice anymore, and she even let a $50 gift certificate for a mani/pedi that I got her one Valentines Day - expire(fifty bucks down the drain)!
So am I wrong in thinking that this is going to be a huge problem from now on and that I'll never be fully satisfied and/or fullfilled again??
Re: Wanting kinky but your spouse is totally vanilla.
I don't think you're wrong. It sounds like she's set this as a clear, firm boundary by now. Did y'all discuss your kinks prior to marriage or just after marriage? If prior, this seems a little like bait-and-switch. These situations always seem so sad to me because the only choices are usually:
a) Say goodbye to your kink for life. Maybe this is easier if it's just a kink and not a fetish that's completely tied to your sexuality, but even so, you're giving up something important and fulfilling for you. This can lead to build-up of resentment and other marital problems no matter how you try to fight the resentment.
b) Get your wife's agreement to go outside of the marriage to fulfill the desire. This also can lead to build-up of resentment from her end if she feels coerced to agree.
c) Divorce.
You say you've discussed these with your wife, but is she clear on just how important it is to you? Does she realize how she would benefit from fulfilling these desires (e.g. a more passionate partner, more and better sex, etc.). Are there things she would like to do that aren't your cup of tea? Yours is such a benign, easy-to-fulfill fetish. There are so many others out there that would be very difficult for a vanilla spouse to go along with. This is not one of them. I guess I just can't relate to women who are that vanilla?
Do you think maybe the times you've done this in the past with her, she felt objectified and it made her uncomfortable? Like maybe she felt you were connecting only with parts of her body and not emotionally connecting with her. I can kind of see that happening, but only if it started and ended with the fetish rather than going from the fetish to hot, passionate sex. Make sure if you ever do get another chance to share this with her, you move from focusing on feet/hands to focusing on all of her and showing her that sex can be even better and there can be more of an intimate, personal connection after, not less.
Re: Wanting kinky but your spouse is totally vanilla.
Well my wife is non kinky, vanilla, basic, mechanical, silent, and basically the worst lay of the century... good luck getting anything to change. I can't. SORRY!
Re: Wanting kinky but your spouse is totally vanilla.
Sounds like some sort of resentment. you said that she used to keep her feet and hands nice, but not anymore. She has stopped meeting that sexual need of yours. You don't say what your other fetishes are, and why she's not comfortable with them. you need to find out WHY she's not comfortable, not just the fact that she doesn't like them.
Re: Wanting kinky but your spouse is totally vanilla.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiksa
Sounds like some sort of resentment. you said that she used to keep her feet and hands nice, but not anymore. She has stopped meeting that sexual need of yours. You don't say what your other fetishes are, and why she's not comfortable with them. you need to find out WHY she's not comfortable, not just the fact that she doesn't like them.
I'd rather not say what some of the others are - nothing illegal though(lol); but just put it this way she would have to be someone who is REALLY into weird sex to go along with those but unfortuneatly for me..........she's not. And of the 5 women I have slept with in my life 3 were really really INTO sex and craved it a lot & were willing to explore and experiment, and the other 2 including my wife......not so much.
Re: Wanting kinky but your spouse is totally vanilla.
So, you knew she wasn't super kink and you were ok with it and you married her? It also sounds like she tried, but wasn't comfortable and had to be true to herself and set boundaries. I guess you have to decide if your fetishes are more important than your wife's feelings. If you can't live without your fetishes, your marriage will not survive. If she gives in and does things she is not comfortable with, resent will built and affect other areas of your marriage. She will loose respect for you. Maybe figure out what you get out of the fetishes and see if you can get that in some other format/way?
I crave sex daily, but if my husband had super kink fetishes, I probably would avoid sex since I too am fairly vanilla.
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
Re: Wanting kinky but your spouse is totally vanilla.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiksa
Sounds like some sort of resentment. you said that she used to keep her feet and hands nice, but not anymore. She has stopped meeting that sexual need of yours. You don't say what your other fetishes are, and why she's not comfortable with them. you need to find out WHY she's not comfortable, not just the fact that she doesn't like them.
I agree on the resentment. I'm struggling to think of any other reason why a women would not only not keep her hands and feet nice, but turn down the opportunity to have someone else help out with paying for it
__________________
Can you rokker Romani chib, pal? Aye, aye, brother!
What's Weshenjuggalslomomengreskeytemskeytudlogueri? I don't know what you say, brother.
Then you don't jin Romani chib...
16Likes
Wanting kinky but your spouse is totally vanilla. 
