Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Catherine - thanks but would rather not as this is only half way and I would want more
ILO - I tried that by text once text her my fantasy of seeing her in lingerie stockings and heels she seemed excited and said she would do it, that night she went o bed and I followed 20 mins layer when I got intpo bed she just had her usual flanalette pasion killer on saying she didnt have time to put them on !!
I do give up honestly I cant keep going on about this I am embarrasing myself. But one thing has come of this from the replies from the ladies my fantays of seeing my wife in lingerie and heels seeing her bound and gagged playfully is not abnormal at all and some womaen can see that
By the way have two kids one living away and the other is still here but hardly ever home she is 18.
But I have a laptop and an internet connection for lifes little kinks. I would do anything for her sexually even if I didnt enjoy it - but if it made her happy great. Thought life was give and take
Don't give up. I think Dean is right, start off with little steps don't talk about it just do little things with confidence then expand. If she is reluctant just be relaxed and stay in a playful mood.
I think you need to look within a bit. I detect a hint of shame maybe more than a hint. The fact that you thought such a mild fantasy was unusual is surprising to me.
Find our why you thought that. You wife's view of sex is her view. You have a wider view and that does not make you unusual.
If you feel more certain that you are normal I think that will have an effect on your approach and your wife's reaction. You may be too hesitant and she may not be confident that you will protect her from feeling foolish or a failure. Think about her and how to make it good and safe for her. Think of other things that require small changes and try those first.
The damsel fantasy may be too big a leap. What else have you in mind? Don't be wimpy and give up.
I think many people, not just women, are a little afraid to come out about their fantasies. And if and when they do, it's best not to dwell on it or turn it into some big conversation, but rather take note of it, and then try to facilitate it for them to some degree...without jealousy, insecurity, or excessive curiosity.
My W not long ago admited that she'd always had a fantasy about being with two guys. She could never act on it, but it's a fantasy. I dropped it, until last week when we were laying in bed, and I put on a very tasteful and well done erotic video of a woman having two men. We watched it. When I could see she was getting horny, I started to touch her. I followed that up by not, as we usually do (lovemaking), but instead bringing out a dildo. I used it on her while she used her hands and mouth on me. She had several explosive orgasms, and I had one really good one too. After we were done, I never said a word to her about it. She knows, and I know what it was that made that encounter so exciting for her (and me). No need for discussion and doing so might have only made her reluctant to do so in the future. Some things are better left unsaid...even if they're acted on to some degree. Fantasies are mostly private. Sharing those private fantasies with someone is awesome. Belaboring the point on a touchy or somewhat embarrassing subject, well, not so much. Like I said, we both "know" what that was about, and we are both okay with that. No need to rip it apart and disect it.
I could enjoy this too in a heartbeat but my wife is claustrophobic so I wouldn't push it. Don't get me wrong she is up for what ever i want and bless her heart she would suck it up and do it if I asked but how much fun could it be for me if she was freaked out and not enjoying it to.
Don't give up. I think Dean is right, start off with little steps don't talk about it just do little things with confidence then expand. If she is reluctant just be relaxed and stay in a playful mood.
I think you need to look within a bit. I detect a hint of shame maybe more than a hint. The fact that you thought such a mild fantasy was unusual is surprising to me.
Find our why you thought that. You wife's view of sex is her view. You have a wider view and that does not make you unusual.
If you feel more certain that you are normal I think that will have an effect on your approach and your wife's reaction. You may be too hesitant and she may not be confident that you will protect her from feeling foolish or a failure. Think about her and how to make it good and safe for her. Think of other things that require small changes and try those first.
The damsel fantasy may be too big a leap. What else have you in mind? Don't be wimpy and give up.
A breakthrough !!
Last night my wife asked me if I wanted her to put on her stockings and heels ! I told her if it made her uncomfortable not to but she said she wanted to !! The sight of my wife in black stockings and 5 inch heels was amazing and emotional it was almost to much for me. Emotional because at last there was a brakthrough, not just because she wore those things but because she wanted to. We talked about it and she was not embarrased and actually said she felt sexy - and she looked it
I have been waiting for 23 years for that moment but when it came it was all a bit to much and was overwhelming. Lets hope it a new begining - the bondage stuff - I am not going to push it at all its up to her.
I feel our sex life may have changed last night - thanks all that have helped
No, it's not. Find gentle, non-threatening, non-judgemental ways to reassure her that what she has done for you has rocked your world. She'll want that reassurance that you found it incredibly hot, and do not think of her as being "silly" or "szlutty". That was not easy for her. This time. Make it easier for her next time... and "easy" in the long run. It is a process. A simple "you know babe, I cannot get the other night out of my mind...I appreciate you, your efforts to please us, and appreciate how we are so much, I can't begin to tell you" can go an incredible amount of distance to reassure her and show your appreciation for (and complete acceptance of) what she's done for you and herself.
You're headed down a great road. Let her know that without being a perverted azz, and I think you'll get some great responses that will only better you both as a couple.
Donny I meant I am not going to push her on the bondage stuff. It took a lot on her part to accept the Stockings and Heels thing - we need to take things slowly - so not going to risk what we have achieved by pushing for to much to soon - but I will go about it gently I have planted the seed she knows I want that but time will tell
I told her last night she looked increadable and thanked her for trying it she said she felt sexy and said I might wear them all the time !!
we need to take things slowly - so not going to risk what we have achieved by pushing for to much to soon - but I will go about it gently I have planted the seed she knows I want that but time will tell
I told her last night she looked increadable and thanked her for trying it she said she felt sexy and said I might wear them all the time !!
Two things:
I highly recommend that you read Arousal by Michael Bader. He talks about fantasies and what they tell us about ourselves and our partners. I think it will help you to feel comfortable with yours.
I would also read The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida. Your response to your wife's question about the lingerie was caretaking and could have turned her off. I am not suggesting you push, but clearly stating your desires is an important part of healthy intimacy in a relationship.
That is amazing! I smiled so large to think about how emotional and special that must have made you feel. As mine has dropped barriers, I have been in your shoes and know how remarkable that can be.
As suggested, make sure to spend a good amount of time positively reinforcing how special she made you feel by doing that for you. Tell her how spectacular she was to you, how her confidence in doing that for you was intoxicating... The more desired she feels, the more confidence she gains, the more likely she will be to start pushing the wire with you! It's a huge sense of power for her to learn that she can illicit that kind of reaction from you. By giving her that power, you will be paving the way to the kind of sexual relationship you covet.
And don't give up on that story! Texting is not the same as a well written story left on her pillow one day!
I'm so happy for you. Keep going forward and let her know she made your day. Don't say it too often so she does not get used to it and stop hearing.
Every once in the while say it. Every once in the while do something special if she keeps going in the right direction. If she stops, stop the extra stuff. It not tit for tat it is giving as much as you get. That keeps things even and lessen resentment. Resentment is a love killer.
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Re: Damsel in distress play 
