Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Do you ever look at your spouse and just think..."ugh"..or.."meh"... either you are not attracted to them at all or you just see them as a non-sexual being..?
Do you have a sense of why that happens? Sometimes I can look at my husband and feel that good spark. Other times I look at him and he's not attractive to me at all - but then an hour later I can be attracted again. This must have more to do with my mood or how I'm feeling about myself, I guess, because obviously nothing changed about him in an hour. But the not feeling attracted thing scares me - what if the next time it doesn't change again and I spend the rest of my life not attracted to him? Anyone else deal with this?
For me its stress, hormones and my state of mind. I think its part of being a woman. The important part is it flips to good pretty fast. For me its the same in bed, from "I hope he's not in the mood" to "giddy up!" with a flip of the switch.
This is why we have marriages. If people felt all giddy hot-to-trot for each other every day their entire lives, they wouldn't need to be wed. They'd just happily stick together forever. Because emotions come and go, civilization long ago devised a contract that's not all that easy to get out of.
Not with my husband now. I've never been un-attracted to him ever. We've been together 13 years married 12. He's the best looking man on this planet and I've always adored him! There are days were we are annoyed with each other, but only for a day or two and we both back off. He has such a calm nature about him. I actually miss him while he's away at work. I love spending time with him, he loves spending time with me. I do not bug him if he needs his space. He's very easy to read.
My ex, yes. I really never any real love with him. He treated me horribly and was unfaithful. He wasn't getting any from me, ever. Yuck.
Not with my husband now. I've never been un-attracted to him ever. We've been together 13 years married 12. He's the best looking man on this planet and I've always adored him! There are days were we are annoyed with each other, but only for a day or two and we both back off. He has such a calm nature about him. I actually miss him while he's away at work. I love spending time with him, he loves spending time with me. I do not bug him if he needs his space. He's very easy to read.
My ex, yes. I really never any real love with him. He treated me horribly and was unfaithful. He wasn't getting any from me, ever. Yuck.
I completely agree with everything you said. I hope this love and attraction I have towards my husband never goes away!
Out of curiosity, how long did you remain married to your ex after you'd lost all sexual attraction or willingness to feign sexual interest in him?
I tried working on the marriage even though it was extremely toxic. I gave it about year or so and even went as far as MC. The MC counselor said my marriage will never work and I was wasting time trying. He was right, he is worse now then ever with his attitude and has serious anger issues. I can't exactly remember how long. It was doomed from the very first day we married. He left the reception and was gone for hours. That should of been my first clue that it wasn't worth it.
I'm in a much better place. I absolutely am in love with my husband and have been since the day we married. We have a fabulous marriage!
Do you ever look at your spouse and just think..."ugh"..or.."meh"... either you are not attracted to them at all or you just see them as a non-sexual being..?
Do you have a sense of why that happens? Sometimes I can look at my husband and feel that good spark. Other times I look at him and he's not attractive to me at all - but then an hour later I can be attracted again. This must have more to do with my mood or how I'm feeling about myself, I guess, because obviously nothing changed about him in an hour. But the not feeling attracted thing scares me - what if the next time it doesn't change again and I spend the rest of my life not attracted to him? Anyone else deal with this?
No, I haven't lost my attraction for my husband even when we had lack of communication. He still looks as good as when we first met. He is within 10 pounds of his weight in university plus he never lost any hair as he aged. He doesnt look that different from his 20s. I have however at times become so resentful with him that sex was the last thing on my mind. That happened in the years where our communication wasn't good. We also weren't making each other a priority then. Everything else- family, work, a clean home, hobbies - came before each other. Now that we spend at least one hour a day together talking or doing something together, I don't feel resentful. Posted via Mobile Device
When we first met, of course, I was hot for hubby ALL the time. It waned after a couple years, but never totally disappeared, until sometime around the middle of 2009 when we hit a REALLY rough patch. I don't even know how we got to where we got - it just creeped up on us till we really didn't like each other much at all. Then he started cheating and things got even worse - I must have picked up on something subconsciously because I remember looking at him and thinking to myself "How could I have ever thought this guy was sexy?" This went on for probably at least a year.
Then we had our D day and I kicked him out of the house and never wanted to see him again. Ever. Talk about loathing.
Then we started reconciling. We met up for the first time in almost 3 months in our MC's office for our first appt and I suddenly realized I didn't hate him any more. I'd been in IC and had spoken to him on the phone and on email, but hadn't seen him in person yet. And not only did I not hate him, I wanted to jump him right then and there. I didn't know this was normal - I thought I was losing it.
Anyway, he kind of put the brakes on things (this was around the time he hired the hooker) which drove me even crazier. This continued for a few months, then we had D day#2 and I shut down again, but for about a week this time.
Things are really great with us now. We've both learned so much about ourselves, each other, and our relationship that we didn't recognize before. Now I look forward to the end of the day when I get to see him. I look forward to spending time with him every day. I love touching him and him to touch me. Most of it is as a result of changes he's made, but some of it is changes I've made too.
Do you ever look at your spouse and just think..."ugh"..or.."meh"... either you are not attracted to them at all or you just see them as a non-sexual being..?
Do you have a sense of why that happens? Sometimes I can look at my husband and feel that good spark. Other times I look at him and he's not attractive to me at all - but then an hour later I can be attracted again. This must have more to do with my mood or how I'm feeling about myself, I guess, because obviously nothing changed about him in an hour. But the not feeling attracted thing scares me - what if the next time it doesn't change again and I spend the rest of my life not attracted to him? Anyone else deal with this?
This is pretty close to my situation. I can look at my wife and see she is physically very attractive, but I have no desire to have sex with her, and haven't in nearly two years.
not even for a second - but we've only been married 2 years so I am still in the "honeymoon period." Usually when I look at him (so we're talking hundreds of times per day) I can't believe he's real lol. He's so hot in my opinion, but some of my girlfriends have told me that they don't think he's attractive. So I think it's completely in the mind of the person in love.
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Do you temporarily lose attraction? 
