You have been incredibly patient. It is time to have a low key conversation with your W about what a diagnosis of "asexuality" would mean.
For me it would mean that the love of my life does not want to have sex with me. If she didn't feel obligated, she wouldn't.
And my answer to that has been the same (this has come up 2-3 times in 22 years): Babe, I don't want you to do something intimate like that, which you dislike. Lets take all the pressure off you - to do something you don't want. And lets acknowledge a few key things:
- I expect you to get a job and work as hard as possible given the schedule constraints of the kid schedules. This won't be fun, but will put on on a more level playing field.
- Until you say otherwise our sex life is completely over. We can kiss and hug. We can spoon in bed. But thats it. No sex of any type.
- We both know celibacy is a non-option for me. So I will be finding an alternative that works for me. I will be discreet, and you need not to pry.
I love you, am committed to you, and think this gives our marriage the best long term chance of success.
I would NOT divorce my W over sex. I would insist that we open the marriage.
WOW! I would love to know, has anyone actually said this to their LD/asexual partner. What would be their reaction.
I would love to hear about someone who has.