Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I recently introduced oral sex for my wife about 2 months ago. I read a book and learned how to do it on her. The first time I tried it I was successful. She acted like she liked it but has never really mentioned it again. I tried it again and was not successful I think only because she had been drinking. It is weird for me to ask her if I can do it again? I feel kind of silly since she never asks if she can do it to me. If I want oral sex, I have to specifically and bluntly ask. I know men and women are not the same but does anyone think it is abnormal that she has never asked for it or even talked about it again?
Good point. I agree. Questions for you- does your wife ever offer it to you? And, do you ask her when you are going to do it to her or do you just do it?
1. Typically she doesn't "mention" that she's going to do it "offer" if she is going to do it to me she just goes and does it. There have only been a couple times she has gone out of her way and said "your getting a BJ tonight" or something like that.
2. Both of us really just do it, of course being a male I ask for it at times and I'd say about 25% of the time she will even if she didn't want to.
Well then you're lucky because that doesn't happen for me. I have to flat out ask and I feel silly asking sometimes. I think she just does not like doing it. What's your secret?
I don't have one, my wife hated it until about a year or so ago as well. Honestly for the first 8 years of marriage I'd get lucky to get one a couple times a year.
Then, she hit 30 and started REALLY liking sex in all forms much MUCH more and started "branching out" (toys, new outfits, etc). She is the one that just went through a libido change.
Have your wife try good mints, if its the taste she doesn't like (most women who don't like), my wife gets mints from Ambiance (look them up online, its a chain store for 'lovers') that are specifically for oral.
Since she started using them and was able to get over the "taste" she has really started to enjoy giving it.
If she feels weird saying what she wants, maybe you can get her to tap you or physically direct you where she wants you. Maybe the two of you can work on some signals without having to talk during sex. !
Good idea I will try that. It may work. Thanks for the tips.
Revitalized- will check those mints out, thanks. Also, what do you think changed in your life as far as libido? My wife's seems to have keep decreasing or flatlining since kids.
My wife, combined with turning 30 and now having 2 of our 3 kids in school (she's a stay at home mom) maybe she's less tired than before.
I would think that being less tired would only ramp up the frequency not the fact that she has "branched out" and became much more open in the last year to different things. I attribute that to her reaching her "prime".
Kids are 7 and 10. She does not work either. I was sympathetic to the "drained" thing for a while but now that her life is a little easier, I can't seem to accept it as much. Anyhow, the I'm so tired thing gets old after a while...
We've had minor issues pop up here and there but nothing significant until recently she had what I would call an emotional affair. I actually took up the whole oral sex subject as a way to reel her back in so to speak. I know that may sound weird but until I discovered the full extent of her situation with the other man I knew something was different with her so I turned it back on myself. Anyhow, I suppose the whole sex issue is one of several at this point. I guess I am trying to figure out why she did what she did and maybe what I wasn't doing good enough for her. We're just so emotionally disconnected right now that I am trying to piece it all together.
I don't think either party should need to ASK for oral sex. If it is a 'normal' and 'healthy' sexual relationship, mutual oral sex should surely be part of foreplay?
I am speaking from PAST experience, as my husband has not even attempted to do that to me in 11 years, and I have never ASKED (but I hope and pray that one day he might return the 'favour' - if we ever have any kind of sex again)
Thanks for the advice. I agree with all your points completely and we actually do a lot of the things you mentioned. Part of the problem is that the activity we started doing as a couple thing lead to the emotional affair she had and can't break herself from. She loves ballroom dancing and has a "brotherly" (so she says) relationship with her instructor. If I take away the dancing then she will never forgive me for it. I am to the point where I don't care anymore about satisfying her or pleasing her. Obviously, everything I did for her in the past didn't enough. So, I will venture off myself and find ways to forget about trying to make her happy and make our marriage work. She doesn't seem to be concerned so neither will I be. We'll see how that goes and whether or not she realizes what damage she is causing to the marriage. Sorry for the rant. I'm just sick of this and trying to make her happy all for nothing.
Will women ask for oral sex? 
Re: Will women ask for oral sex? 
