Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Re: OK for him to initiate (a few times a year), but when I do he rejects?
Coffee,
I'm 50 and my goal is 2-3x a week. Heck, I've told my wife that if I've been shot but have managed to slow the bleeding, I'm ready to go!
Unfortunately, it's not a shared goal yet
Definitely sounds like another case of mismatched drives. I wouldn't get married if this is where you're at because I will tell you from experience that it won't get better on it's own
Re: OK for him to initiate (a few times a year), but when I do he rejects?
Coffeegirl there is nothing wrong with you at all. You are likely just a woman in the prime of her life (and will continue to be for years to come).
I'm not a fan of divorce, but I'm also not a fan of people marrying with large disparities in age. It creates so many problems.
You are 36 and he is 53. I'm sure you've done the math, but consider that in 17 years he will be a 70 year old man... perhaps requiring a retirement home and constant nursing. You will be 53 and likely full of life. You may very well have to visit your husband on weekends (since you won't be admitted into many retirement homes under 55 years of age), perhaps while you work to help support him (depending on his savings).
You may very well be in love, of that I have no reason to doubt. Still there are some practical matters to consider here and one of which is that his sex drive may be permanently on the decline. Another is that his overall health could very well suffer greatly during some of your prime years.
I don't know your man, perhaps he will be one of those men who is incredibly strong and virile well into his late 70's and beyond... and again he may not.
Re: OK for him to initiate (a few times a year), but when I do he rejects?
70 in a retirement home? I suppose if he had other illnesses, maybe. My grandparents have only just entered a retirement home aged 85 and 83. My other grandmother lived very independently in her own apartment, alone, until she was 88.
While I wouldn't marry someone so much older I think scaremongering about a 70 year old being unable to live unassisted is a bit of a stretch. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: OK for him to initiate (a few times a year), but when I do he rejects?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyris
70 in a retirement home? I suppose if he had other illnesses, maybe. My grandparents have only just entered a retirement home aged 85 and 83. My other grandmother lived very independently in her own apartment, alone, until she was 88.
While I wouldn't marry someone so much older I think scaremongering about a 70 year old being unable to live unassisted is a bit of a stretch. Posted via Mobile Device
It happens, according to PBS the average age people are admitted is 79, so 70 is not outside the range of reasonable.
Re: OK for him to initiate (a few times a year), but when I do he rejects?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mavash.
My IL's just went in nursing homes. FIL was 90 and MIL was 80.
Mavash please don't think that I'm saying that once folks turn 70 it's time to ship them off to retirement homes. Heavens no.
We go to a church with a lot of older folks, most of which I expect to take care of themselves on their own well into their 80's. There's this couple at church who have to be in their late 70s and they are still very active people and in great shape (you can just tell they have that fire in their eyes... a real passion for life). The pastor's mother has to be in her 80's and lives alone with no problems... man does she have spunk!
So I get what you are saying, just pointing out that it's a possibility. Some people based on genes, attitude (do it yourself or dependent), and how well they take care of themselves need that level of care much younger than others.
9Likes
Re: OK for him to initiate (a few times a year), but when I do he rejects? 
