coffeegirl24

I'm beginning to think my fiance just isn't attracted to me any more, speaking strictly in the sexual sense. Everything else is wonderful, but we almost never have sex any more.

Every time I try to initiate intimacy, he says I want it way to often, and that a man needs time to recharge. After a month with no action, he tried to initiate last night bc he thought he might like to have sex. I told him gently that I had been waiting for weeks and that once a month or every six weeks just doesn't cut it. I smiled, gave him a little back rub and went to sleep instead.

He brought it up this morning (and began showing he might like it this morning since he didn't get it last night), and when I tried to discuss the fact that our relationship is almost sexless (in a no-stress,non-confrontational way), he said "Oh please!! I don't even want to talk about this!!! I'm going to go take my shower."

I can't help but wonder... is this "guy speak" for "I'm not attracted to you except when it's been weeks and my body finally needs it"? I've never told him no before, but I'm just not interested in hanging around to satisfy him five or six times a year.

Aristotle

What type of battery is he using? If it takes him a month to recharge, he needs to look into purchasing a whole new battery.

golfergirl

I guess I don't know what you were trying to accomplish. You want sex and instead you kind of passively/aggressively turned him down.
Why can't you guys have an honest conversation about this (yes I mean him)? If this is what it is now and he has no interest in discussing it like adults, then I'd move on, because it won't gewt better.
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coffeegirl24

So it's not me being a "hornball" as he likes to put it?

Mavash.

What does it matter WHY he doesn't want sex? The point is he doesn't.

Now you get to decide whether that's okay with you or not and go from there.

coffeegirl24

Thanks for the insight.
I have tried many times to discuss it with no stress, explaining that I love him very much and that it's important to me to have that kind of intimacy with the man I love. He always dismisses it in the same way, like it's annoying that I need sex. Last night was the first time I have ever said no in our three-year relationship. I wasn't trying to be passive aggressive, and I was not snide at all when I said no. Not sure what else to say to him to make him care about my feelings on the subject. We might just be better off as best friends.

Browncoat

It could mean that he has ED and/or low T-count. Is he addicted to porn? Is there any chance he's cheating on you?

Not sure of your ages, and I may be on the high side, but I'm nearly 40 and I still have a drive that is ready, willing and eager to go 2-3x/day every day. Many couples seem to settle on 1-2x/week or 3-5x/week (we ping pong between that rate as a couple these days week to week).

I would strongly recommend postponing your wedding to get to the bottom of this. If you are high drive and he's low drive you are setting yourself up for a LOT of heartache. Take it from someone who knows, and sees that play out on this forum frequently.

PBear

How old are you two? I'm a male, 44 years old, and I'm perfectly happy with once a day. It DOES take some time to go for a round two, but we're talking hours, not days. And I know I'm slow compared to many.

No, it doesn't sound like you're a "hornball". You sound like someone that many guys would give their eye teeth to be in an intimate relationship with.

C
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deejov

Lack of sex is usually a sympton of something else going on.

Could be several things.

He might not like being pursued. (not his style)
He might have some resentments going on
He might have some medical or emotional issues, stress, etc
Past or present affairs
Fear of pregnancy

You being a" hornball" is how he sees it... when he does not want to have sex with you or your 'approach' turns him off instead of turning him on.

It's really really hard not to take all that personally, so try to keep your chin up and look into the reasons why.

coffeegirl24

Good point. No sense trying to figure out something I can't change. Just need to think on whether or not I want 30 years of the same issue.

coffeegirl24

[QUOTE=PBear;762425]How old are you two? I'm a male, 44 years old, and I'm perfectly happy with once a day. It DOES take some time to go for a round two, but we're talking hours, not days. And I know I'm slow compared to many.

I'm 36 and he's 53. We were best friends b4 dating, and still are, but sex is VERY infrequent lately. I could easily be happy with once a day or more. I love him and want to be with him.

Very frustrating.

Aristotle

To be a woman "hornball" should be a compliment. It's rare.

If he was to ever divorce you and tell his boys, "Man, she always wanted sex, she was so horny. I hated it!"

His boys will look at him like he is gay. There is NOTHING wrong with being a "hornball" or even "horny" when you are married and trying to get it on with your SPOUSE. THAT IS ACCEPTABLE. We are not kids in middle school anymore and it isn't bad to feel horny.

PBear

[QUOTE=coffeegirl24;762438]No offense, but at 36 & 53, it's likely to get worse before it gets better. His drive is likely in a decline and ED may be an issue, and yours is likely to peak in a few years. You might be better suited as friends.

C
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Shiksa

First thing I would rule out is low testosterone. My H was similar in a lot of ways to your fiance. We went years without sex. I pushed the issue and he got checked and bingo! He just started shots, so we will see how it goes.
don't marry him until you resolve this. I can already hear your resentment. Marriage won't make it better, just worse.

Hicks

You don't take on fix it projects of this nature prior to marriage.

He is abnormal, you are normal.

It's very hard to find a man who does not want to have sex with you.