Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
View Poll Results: How often do you go "all the way" when you make love
Whenever we make love (which isn't actually "making love" as we don't go "all the way!") we kiss, he might touch my boobs for a minute or two, then he touches me "down there" within about 5 minutes (sometimes less than that) and I masturbate him at the same time. Then he will do my favourite, about 15-20 mins of oral sex (on me) we climax (him manually) and that's it...
Whilst it's satisfying, and we enjoy the closeness, and sometimes I might perform fellatio on him briefly, he rarely penetrates. I am rarely ready for him, and I rarely get wet unless I am REALLY REALLY REALLY turned on.... and that's is rare!!! VERY rare!! I'm not on the pill, he's not had a vasectomy (though I suggest it, he won't let anyone near him "with a knife!") it's a fumble to put on a condom, by then he seems to have lost interest (gone soft) so it's easier not to bother.
But one can't help feeling that one is missing out on a good "shag!!!"
Are we normal? Does everyone else have times when they do everything but...
We never got together because of sex. We just get along nicely and have similar interests. Managed to last 23 years married so something must be working.
I dont think it's "normal" and think it's strange if you haven't brought this up with him because it's obviously a major concern/issue you have.
What is the reason you don't actually do it?
I think the main reason is my dryness and it is usually uncomfortable. I had some great cream from my Doctor to help with this, but it makes my lubrication lumpy (like milk gone off) and that's revolting As I said above, the other reason is, I'm rarely aroused enough anyway. And when I am he's lost his hardness
What do you mean "something else?" Like having an affair?
his avoidance of intercourse could indicate a host of possibilities and yes an affair is one of them, but unless you have some red flags to go with it then I suspect medical problems
do know that while a man can orgasm with rigorous masturbation/hand jobs, he may still not be able to perform during intercourse
he may have delayed ejaculation, impotence or premature ejaculation problems that he wishes to avoid
50% of the time, these days, me and my wife will finish with just oral. My wife taught herself control her reflex, so her deep oral feels almost like intercourse. If we 69, I can actually completely drop my hips on her face and move as if I am having intercourse (tmi). It feels awkward because there is no "closeness/intimacy" as I am looking at her crotch and legs, so it is kind of is like "masturbation". It feels great and most of my marriage I could not orgasm through oral, but this is a different story. I do not finish with handjobs, but the oral still feels like it lacks intimacy in the same sense. It isn't something we did the first 10 years of our marriage, as she hadn't learned to control her reflex, but when she hit 35 years old, something changed in her. She prefers this position and always wants it. She also orgasms easily while she gives oral because the tricks she learned turns her on more than anything else. I think she likes the idea of throating so much it just drives her crazy. I understand it I suppose, because if I look in the mirror while I am having sex, I will orgasm quicker. Her mental image of what she does turns her on in the same way I guess.
The other 50% of the time we will do normal intercourse or anal. I prefer intercourse because I like the intimacy of it.
I'd say you are normal in that every couple finds their own routine. I read other peoples post and think, "man I wish my wife would do that....." If there was such thing as "normal" it would be boring as hell. I think people should try to make their love life beyond normal, because that is what makes it special. If you and your husband both enjoy your routine, then you have a great thing. Like you said, it must be working.
There are ways to properly lubricate and there are other forms of lubrication. Spit, Platinum Wet, K-Gel, Astroglide (all completely different forms of lube). Gel is a gel, thick and slick (it can lump I suppose). Spit is spit. Astroglide is a thin water like lube that doesn't lump up. Wet Platinum is a film of some sort that doesn't really leave you wet but your body is just slick. I cannot explain it. Try the different types of lubes, as up until a few years ago, I thought they were all the same. We started analing more and realized that these lubes are 100% different in texture and quality. I thought it was just different brands. Nope.
Condoms suck, pull out and taste him. Or let him pull out and leave it in your other hole, which will give you a boost of energy and sex drive. The colon absorbs the hormones in semen like nothing else will and you cannot get pregnant.
his avoidance of intercourse could indicate a host of possibilities and yes an affair is one of them, but unless you have some red flags to go with it then I suspect medical problems
do know that while a man can orgasm with rigorous masturbation/hand jobs, he may still not be able to perform during intercourse
he may have delayed ejaculation, impotence or premature ejaculation problems that he wishes to avoid
A lot of it is the discomfort I feel, he is afraid of hurting me. Sometimes I'm fine, then other times it's painful. And it all just seems a fumble, and to be honest, I don't gain anything from all that humping. Would never climax like it
Everyone's replies have just confirmed what I already know, that I'm the exception not having a "proper" sex life.
Are you married to him? If not married I can certainly relate to this, especially if he grew up in a strict religious home... and even if you are married, perhaps its a carryover from his past relationships?
I know before marriage I felt a lot of shame from intercourse, was terrified of pregnancy, so fearful of using condoms, that it was just so much easier to not have penetration, just like you describe above.
And for the record, I don't think its healthy, it is sexual repression. I would find out what his fear is and tackle it head on: unwanted pregnancy - then find another birth control method, built in shame - idividual counselling, not married - decided of you want to marry each other...
If this is new behavior for him, it could be a red flag for some other issue, but if its always been like this I wouldn't worry about infidelity at all.
Are you married to him? If not married I can certainly relate to this, especially if he grew up in a strict religious home... and even if you are married, perhaps its a carryover from his past relationships?
I know before marriage I felt a lot of shame from intercourse, was terrified of pregnancy, so fearful of using condoms, that it was just so much easier to not have penetration, just like you describe above.
And for the record, I don't think its healthy, it is sexual repression. I would find out what his fear is and tackle it head on: unwanted pregnancy - then find another birth control method, built in shame - idividual counselling, not married - decided of you want to marry each other...
If this is new behavior for him, it could be a red flag for some other issue, but if its always been like this I wouldn't worry about infidelity at all.
According to her other thread she's been married for 20 years. She also can't figure out why he spends so much time on Internet chat boards. Lol
12Likes
We never go "all the way!" (advice needed) 
As I said above, the other reason is, I'm rarely aroused enough anyway. And when I am he's lost his hardness
