Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
A month ago I made a thread on here, got some great advice from some great people. I followed that advice, approaching my wife with a discussion framed outside of sex but with the goal of bettering our marriage for both of us. My wife listened, we both made changes the other wanted.
On my end, I have been doing the daily sterilising and cleaning up of our sons bits and peices. This might not sound like a lot, but the whole process can take upwards of 45-60 minutes and usually takes place at between midnight and 1am due to Ethan getting pretty bad teething pains and being "up" till that time at the moment.
On her end, she agreed that she has been selfish in regards to reciprocation, not bothering to show affection etc. She was going to work on this.
She worked on it for about 5 days. This is another month where we had sex 1 time. She quickly stopped bothering to show me affection. No oral reciprocation has occured in the slightest.
I have not stopped doing my side of the agreement at all. Kept it up for a whole month.
I am short on ideas now, feeling pretty pissed off actually. Is it sad that I just went to see the new American Pie and instead of laughing at the film like I should do, I instead felt blow after blow each time a joke about sex in marriage popped out? I walked out of the cinema and had to fight back the tears, all the while saying to my wife who barely even held me hand "yea, it was a good film" and she didn't even notice.
Meh. I love her, I know she loves me, just wish she would bloody show it.
__________________ Davelli0331:If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
There's different kinds of love, though... You love your parents or siblings, would do anything for them. Doesn't mean you want to have sex with them (hopefully). People also demonstrate their love in different ways (I.e 5 languages of love).
I can totally relate to watching those movies with lots of sex jokes and talking about sex like American Pie and leaving feeling even more frystrated!!! I'm in the same boat of no sex since like 5/1 and that time was even kind of not 100% because he didn't cum!! I feel like he just can't get turned on enough by me in this period of time.
The 5 love languages is a good book to read. I learned my love language is sexual. The book is Unfortunatly packed away since we are moving, so I can't recur to it. My husband likes acts of service and quality time.
Maybe your wife has a couple love languages. Your wife could be acts of service and a couple others. Or your wife could be like my husband where stress effects the drive. If your baby is teething maybe she's feeling tired and stressed Posted via Mobile Device
What a nightmare. Are you really going to settle for this? Forget it. She's a lost cause. Even if she somehow were eventually capable of showing affection, does she deserve any affection from you? Seems not.
There's different kinds of love, though... You love your parents or siblings, would do anything for them. Doesn't mean you want to have sex with them (hopefully). People also demonstrate their love in different ways (I.e 5 languages of love).
C Posted via Mobile Device
No, but you do show them love in some way. If they bring you a reasonable need or request, you fulfill it if you're able. You don't passively watch them starve and pretend that you love them. Love between parent and child doesn't imply sex. Marriage does.
Most of the posters on here have had children...we all know how much of a strain having a baby puts on a relationship.
The father should help as much as he can...only thing he cant do is breast feed which is why all men advocate 'breast is best'!!
When a baby comes into your lives, priorities change...yes a distressed baby IS more important than the two of you having sex,
BUT...when baby is sleeping you must NOT forget the two of you.
A female colleague once said to me probably 20 years ago (I'll never forget it) - 'first I am me, then I am my husbands wife and lover then I am my childrens mother.....not always in that order but all are equally as important as each other'.
She's spot on.
Sadly my own wifes priorites are a world away... :-(
No, but you do show them love in some way. If they bring you a reasonable need or request, you fulfill it if you're able. You don't passively watch them starve and pretend that you love them. Love between parent and child doesn't imply sex. Marriage does.
Oh, I would agree with you! I think it's incredibly wrong for a spouse to say they love you, but refuse to make the effort to meet your needs. But I think the transition from "lover" to "father" is one of those things that happens in some marriages that derails the physical relationship. Then there's a struggle to move back out of that zone, if you can. The problem being that often, only one spouse recognizes that there's a problem...,
The thing is, all this talk of her being tired / stressed from being a mother could very well be true a month a go. But not now and things did start to change for a few days and then she just stopped trying and fell back into old ways.
My son is 9 months old, my wife doesnt work because she is home looking after our son during the day.
For a month I have been doing:
Going to work at 7am, getting home at 4:15pm. Taking our son till 5pm so my wife can relax and have a bath.
Been helping out cooking, 3-4 nights a week.
Every Thursday my wife goes bingo with her family for 5 hours in the evening, I take our son for this. I don't have any of this "away time" a week for myself.
Staying up till 1am cleaning all the bits and bobs so that my wife can get to bed earlier.
This is all extra stuff I have been doing to help lighten the load, ontop of the chores I do normally anyway.
There is no way this is related to her being tired / stressed out now, a month ago perhaps, but not as of late.
You may not think its related to her being stressed or tired, but at 9 monts post partum, I suspect you may not be correct. Or she could still be suffering from post partum depression. In any case, her sex drive and having such a young child very well could be linked together. As well as her inability to focus on "fixing" things for more than a week.
Could also be that she thinks she's on to a winner.... give the impression that she's trying (but not actually doing) whilst you are running round like a skivvy.
Lone, You are definitely pulling your weight here in my opinion but I do also agree with other posters that MAYBE there's something else going on. What are your weekends like? Why isn't it possible for the both of you to spend some physical time together AFTER the baby is asleep at 1 AM? Tell her to go to bed and that you'll bring her a glass of wine when the baby goes down. Gently wake her, give her the wine and start to talk to her and caress her. Think you can guess the rest!
3Likes
The net gain of a month of effort. < 0 
