Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My H basically says "sorry, I can't satisfy you, you can go do whatever you want, find someone else".
(1) He doesn't mean divorce. The HD/LD situation does not bother him and he is fine if I am fine.
(2) This is passive agressive strategy which he excels in. Basically I am left with a sock in my mouth. I cannot say "sure".
(3) I am not bringing up the topic of sex at all unless I get completely frustated by his put-down remarks. Only then do I point out there are many areas that can use improvement in this marriage, including sex. That's when I get the remark above.
I know on this forum many LD W have made similar remarks to the HD H, but u see, it's not the same. This sounds like sexual discrimination, but female and male are different. I absolutely cannot (and have no interest in doing so) force my H to have sex with me based on our physiology. As a woman I also have major trouble envisioning the idea of some other guy satisfying me. Therefore I can only swallow the frustration...
Ah forget the discrimination talk. This just a common exchange when sex drives are mis-matched. I mean what's the difference who the gender is? the problem is still there and I know it all too well.
Well, sounds like he is following Dan Savage's advice, which is if you are not willing to satisfy your partner sexually, you need to give them permission to get it elsewhere.
But you don't want it elsewhere, do you?
Alas, ball's in your court. Can you live in this marriage as it is? Can you accept some kind of open marriage relationship? Or do you need to leave?
All hard, hard decisions, and I am sorry. For the record, he sounds like a jerk, but that's not really helpful...
My H basically says "sorry, I can't satisfy you, you can go do whatever you want, find someone else".
(1) He doesn't mean divorce. The HD/LD situation does not bother him and he is fine if I am fine.
(2) This is passive agressive strategy which he excels in. Basically I am left with a sock in my mouth. I cannot say "sure".
(3) I am not bringing up the topic of sex at all unless I get completely frustated by his put-down remarks. Only then do I point out there are many areas that can use improvement in this marriage, including sex. That's when I get the remark above.
I know on this forum many LD W have made similar remarks to the HD H, but u see, it's not the same. This sounds like sexual discrimination, but female and male are different. I absolutely cannot (and have no interest in doing so) force my H to have sex with me based on our physiology. As a woman I also have major trouble envisioning the idea of some other guy satisfying me. Therefore I can only swallow the frustration...
I'm sorry, but is this the same guy who took you to church and when the subject of sex came up in the sermon, noted that your sexual desires showed a lack of self control? How does creating an open marriage square with that?
I think you need to tell him that making that statement has caused you to question whether you two have the same ideas of what marriage means and that you need to think about your relationship. Then do that - weigh all the pros and cons, figure out what you need and what you can live with.
I'm sorry, but is this the same guy who took you to church and when the subject of sex came up in the sermon, noted that your sexual desires showed a lack of self control? How does creating an open marriage square with that?
The sermon got worse...the pastor started going on about "discipline", actually he was talking about "saving all for the person you love/will love the most" (WOW), and my H said to me "see, you've got to have more control, wanting too much sex is lack of self-control".
The ultimate attack on HD from LD, backed up by holy authority
Sorry. Many of us men folk are ina similar place. We usually refer to our lower drive partners as doing "chore sex" for us. Their not really into it and do it to shut us up for a while. It's OK for a while but then that wears off
That's ridiculous. I've never in my life heard of a husband hiding behind scripture to flee his wife's vagina. If anything, I'd expect him to pull scripture about how it's her duty to please him or something. This is just bizarre.
13Likes
Speechless 
