Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Im probably the only one on here that thinks this but the word "expect" threw me a little. I don't expect anything from my H but I definitley would like it.
To me expect sounded like a control word. Sorry...ignore me,Im just thinking out loud and am the only one im sure but I wanted to mention it.
My mom taught all of her daughters to keep a little notebook in our bedside table to track our cycle and our sex lives. I did this up until my husband decided we did not need a sex life. Did it even after menopause set in.
So, I tried talking to her about our sex...issues.
And it ended with me now sleeping on the couch.
**** me, I'm beta and people walk on me.
But I asked her about if there was something going on.
She immediately went defensive, saying I was only asking because I wanted sex. I wasn't really sure how to respond, so I went blank, then after an awkward silence said we aren't communicating like we use to, and that we need to get back in the habit of talking like we use, being more a couple, trying to be constructive.
It just ended with her yelling at me, and then kicking me out of the bed.
At least she gave me a pillow.
And you went along with her kicking you out of your bed. Why?
Don't leave the bed!Be territorial!It's your bed too!
If she doesn't want you there SHE can move to the couch.
You're been abused and it won't stop until you will stand up for yourself.
I don't want to be kicked all night.
Besides, few people actually believe when guys say their wives abuse them. Or they just say, "Stand up for yourself! You pansy!" Like you did.
Well, what happens when we do? My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He yelled and got angry. What happened? He got domestic charges for yelling and threatening.
Besides, few people actually believe when guys say their wives abuse them. Or they just say, "Stand up for yourself! You pansy!" Like you did.
Well, what happens when we do? My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He yelled and got angry. What happened? He got domestic charges for yelling and threatening.
So, is there another option?
Well I just meant you need to set boundaries.
If she is violent it's never ok to reply with violence. But just stand your ground.
Why not?
I understand it's hard, I was using the same approach with my wife too (but she never got physical, she used to talk to me in a disrespectul way). Now there are boundaries and she does not cross them. It's still hard sometimes but if you don't start changing things it will never get better.
Besides, what would I do? Pick her up, and carry her and drop her on the couch?
If she kicks you hard that is physcial abuse. YOu can get if you kicked her like that she'd be on the phone to 911.
Why do either of you have to sleep on the couch? Of course you do not pick her up and carry her to the couch. I did make the assumption that you have a bed large enough for both of you to sleep in it.
If she does not want to sleep with you in the marital bed, then she can get herself to the couch.
Besides, few people actually believe when guys say their wives abuse them. Or they just say, "Stand up for yourself! You pansy!" Like you did.
Well, what happens when we do? My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He yelled and got angry. What happened? He got domestic charges for yelling and threatening.
So, is there another option?
Oh good grief. This is the best you can do?
Your dad was wrong for yelling and threatening. They both should have been arrested after he did that.
If she is going to play a gave to threaten you get a VAR (voice activated recorder), keep it with you and get her on tape kicking you. Keep asking her to stop kicking you. Let her go off and rant and rage. Get it on tape while you are inbed. stay in bed and dial 911.
It will be the last time she abuses you.
Or just get a divorce. She cannot abuse you if you divorce her now can she? Leaving her is one of the best ways to stand up for yourself.
Wow...This are much bad than you initially suggested it to be. Your wife is physically and emotionally abusive and you are too scared to stop the behavior.
Next time she gets physical that her behavior is not acceptable and you will move out if this happens again.
Read these books immediately
Married Man Sex Life
No More Mr.Nice Guy.
Read them immediately. You are being a passive beta
Consider that her cheating on you is a serious possibility. The signs are all there. The cringing at you touch and no physical affection combined with the non existent sex life are huge red flags. Huge, huge red flags. Go visit the Coping with Infidelity Subforum and repost there. You will get help on how to verify if your wife is really cheating. Once you can confirm that she isn't, you can actually work on fixing your sex life. Because if she is cheating, there is nothing you can do to fix it.
Again, the pattern here is to assume that the guy isn't doing something or enough of something
As someone with a LD spouse who has done pretty much everything to try and improve the situation (including books, counseling, chores, date night etc) this kind of piszes me off
Your dad was wrong for yelling and threatening. They both should have been arrested after he did that.
If she is going to play a gave to threaten you get a VAR (voice activated recorder), keep it with you and get her on tape kicking you. Keep asking her to stop kicking you. Let her go off and rant and rage. Get it on tape while you are inbed. stay in bed and dial 911.
It will be the last time she abuses you.
Or just get a divorce. She cannot abuse you if you divorce her now can she? Leaving her is one of the best ways to stand up for yourself.
Exactly. This behavior is not acceptable from any spouse. I also expect that it has happened before.
Im probably the only one on here that thinks this but the word "expect" threw me a little. I don't expect anything from my H but I definitley would like it.
To me expect sounded like a control word. Sorry...ignore me,Im just thinking out loud and am the only one im sure but I wanted to mention it.
While expect can be a loaded word, I think it means expected in the course of a normal healthy marriage. I imagine that for you to stay married to your husband, you have certain expectations of how he will treat you, what needs he will meet, etc. Interpreted that way, I don't think it is a bad word, though perhaps other words may help avoid confusion.
I did only keep a tally of the sex in the journal. But as my workouts intensified, and my bedroom life got duller, it became a tally of rejections too.
I am thinking of stopping it.
As for the VAR, I may look into that. I would like to think we can talk it out, but I am beginning to think it won't work that way.
And I talked to some workmates. They are some good friends, and they all came to two conclusions:
She is going through menopause extremely early,
or she is cheating.
My brain says they are right, but my heart doesn't want to admit it.
I think there is a 75% chance that she is cheating on you.
The first thing you should do is stop talking to her about your sex life. You've tried it and it got you nowhere fast. She knows you're not having sex. She knows you don't like it. She doesn't care.
Also, don't ask her about an affair. Never, in the history of the world, has a disloyal spouse confessed to an affair when asked by the loyal spouse. A disloyal spouse MAY confess only after the loyal spouse has gathered clear evidence. If you walk in on her and another man naked, she will confess an affair. If you find text messages on her phone discussing the sex she has had with another man, she will confess an affair. Not before.
So you need to start investigating her. Put a VAR under the seat of her car to record her phone conversations. Put spyware on her mobile phone to record her texts. Put a keylogger on her computer to read her emails and Facebook messages. Put a GPS in her car to see if she's going to any rendezvous points. And then you shut up about sex or affairs until you have evidence that she is cheating, or you feel comfortable that she isn't.
If you discover that she is cheating, post on the Coping with Infidelity board before confronting her. This is very important! You may well make some big mistakes without guidance.
While that is going on, you start to man up. Read MMSL and NMMNG. If your wife yells at you, tell her she is being a b!tch, give her an amused little smile and go on about your day. Don't give her the satisfaction of letting her think she has upset you. You should be in charge of yourself. Not her.
Sleep in your own bed. If your wife kicks you, get out of bed, get a video camera and tripod, and set it up at the foot of the bed. If she asks about it, tell her that anyone over the age of 10 who kicks you with malice is asking for a spanking and this could get pretty hot. It will also give you a legal defense against any assault charge by recording that your wife struck you first. Personally, I would love to be on that jury.
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Re: Feel like wife is weening me off sex 
