Browncoat

His behavior is not acceptable. He needs to find a job. If he can't find motivation in his own perhaps you should consider a separation.

I'm not suggesting you separate as a tool to get him to work, neither divorce nor separation should be branded around like weapons in a marriage. Still if your husband wants to sit around playing WoW all day instead of acting like a husband and a father... well he can and should do that on his own.

If he gets his act together then great. If not well the question is how long do you really think this behavior should carry on? 6 months? 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? At some point he needs to man up and do what good husbands do. Either be Mr. Mom and take care of everything at home while you work, or be employed and responsible. Playing WoW all day is not an option.

Oh and just so you know, I've played WoW since it first came out. I know it can be addicting, and I've seen it hurt others. I still play it, but I only log on to raid 1-3 nights a week (we have 8/8 HM DS on farm). I log off right after raid and go to bed, and I don't start raiding until the kids are all in bed.

newmomma

I have just never been that big on sex. I crave it every once in a while but it's pretty far in between. It's my own mental issues that have a problem with that. HE was a virgin when we met and none of his friends even want girlfriends so I guess I didn't see that as being as big of a deal as it seems at this point.

More so now is where I have a problem with trying to please him since he's been out of work since last June. He didn't help me much when I was prego, and isn't helping now. I even mention how his sisters remaining children don't have either of their parents now because they both had dead beat dads. And they're sisters and haven't seen each other since Christmas since they live with different grandparents who can't even agree on visitation. I hope that will motivate him not to be a dead beat for his late sisters sake but sometimes I guess it makes it worse since he's gotten angry and told me I didn't know his sister.

newmomma

I can't really get rid of his laptop. But the other games he plays are stuff I would use if I actually had the time. One thing we had in common is that we both are gamers. I live out in the middle of no where near all his relatives. The apartment is in both our names and I am not going to leave my daughter homeless when I've actually got an affordable place now ($525 a month for a 3 bedroom no government assistance crazy). I can't shut off the electric since obviously that would affect me and my daughter. I'm not rushing for divorce because I know deep down inside he's a good guy. I just can't figure out how to get the old him to come back out.
Trust me, I think about it all the time, like if I forced him to be on his own, he'd realize he needs to do something, but I can't kick him out an apartment that is also technically his. I've gone to his (female) friends house to get some help with the baby so I can get school work done since she doesn't mind holding her and feeding her etc, but I hate the fact that he still winds up getting even more of a break. Next month I'm going to visit my family for a week and they are going to help me with the baby so I can have somewhat of a break. But again, I don't think I should have to leave the place I pay for and give him the pleasure of having the house to himself with no responsibilities.

MrsOldNews

Cancel his wow subscription. You're the one paying for it right?

newmomma

I actually don't know how it's being paid for. I know it he signed up for the year contract in order to get another game, Diablo 3. I'm not sure how that works if he can't pay for it anymore or when he was getting unemployment if he paid for a longer time at once. He actually beat that game in about 2 days though so it's old news now. We also have a PS3 with a ton of games. And his friends come over (annoys that crap out of me when I'm tired since they're loud) and they play magic (card game) and watch youtube videos and stuff like that, so even if the subscription ends, he's got other stuff to play. It's unfortunate now, but since we've both been gamers for so long, we have a huge collection. You can't play video games for 20 hours a day while full time military... He says the games make him feel less depressed.

Browncoat

In a way yes. Overall no.

Yes, because when you play and really get into games you focus so much on it everything: time, problems, w/e just melt away until all that's left is the game and doing the next XYZ that you need to do to advance further. In game like WoW or D3 it's getting that next boss kill, next quest, next PvP kill that drives the player.

When hooked you just go and go, like a good book you can't seem to put down because you just have to find out what's next... a good game can do the same to someone who is completely hooked.

No, because games don't make your problems go away. It just makes you numb to them and engaged in the game. Once you stop playing for a while it's worse because not only aren't you getting that gaming "fix" atm, you have time to consider all that's going on in your life that's wrong. Then that depression/stress/anxiety kicks back in. It's easier for that person to return to playing games and numb himself to his world and his problems and just skate through life.

The hard and right thing to do is to face his problems and do something about them.