Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I would like to know from everyone here how a womans sex drive is affected by pregnancy, and how long does it take to come back to normal.
Here is a little bagroungd. Been married for 4 years. im 30 now. wife is one year younger. Before she got prg, we would have sex 5-6 times a month. I would definitely have liked to have more but, thats another topic all together.
Since she got preg, our frequency nose dived. she is now 8.5 months , and in this time we had sex like 6 -7 times. I brought the topic up casually about 2 months ago, but i quickly realised that she was blaming the pregnency for it followed by crying. I dint want her to be stressed or resent the fact that she was pregnant. So i dint bring it up again.
I just want to know if this is normal ? do all women experience low sex drive throught thier pregnancy ? Also how long does it take them to get back to normal ?
As of now i have stopped asking/initiating sex. I dont want to put pressure on her.
Apart from vitamins she is not on any sort of medication.
Any insight/experience on this matter will be highly appriciated
I wouldn't say it is normal, but I suppose everyone is different. We have 3 kids. The only way I could tell she was pregnant (personality wise) was that we actually had more sex. Her emotions, personality, etc pretty much stayed the same no. No griping. She's a good woman.
It's different for different woman. Some women are highly turned on during the first trimester, some during the 2nd and some during the 3rd. It varies. There is no concrete rule. Some women are horny throughout their pregnancy, and some women are just sick of even the thought of having sex in all the 9 months. So you can't really blame your wife. Each case is different. Just support her, and try not to upset her. And as you said, she's 8.5 months pregnant which means it is just a matter of another 2 months, and you can have all the sex you want.
As marriedglad said...each woman is different. Some want no sex at all during pregnancy. Some want it the entire time. Some want it during specific trimesters. After giving birth...again, that's different for each woman as well. Some want sex a couple weeks after birth. Some can't stand even the thought for months...Some even a year. Each woman is different. Of course, the one year point is a bit extreme, I think. But with a new baby, it isn't uncommon for mom to have no interest for awhile, until she gets SLEEP. JUst support her, don't push/pressure.
With my first pregnancy, during the "good months" (middle of the PG) my sex drive increased dramatically...I could have sex 2-3 times a day and still not be satisfied. During the beginning of the PG, my head was in the toilet pretty much 24/7 and I had no desire to be touched at all. During the end of my PG, I felt huge, had lots of body pains, couldn't sleep, my vag actually HURT all the time from the weight/pressure, my feet and legs swelled up like tree trunks, and all of that made sex the last thing on my mind.
With my second pregnancy, I had no desire whatsoever. I think the hormones were just different then. Nothing felt good to me when we did try and I couldn't O no matter how hard I tried.
After each birth, there is a recovery period. First of all she's going to be bleeding and possibly have stitches to take care of for the first 2-6 weeks after birth. Then there's the fact that you're going to be up all night taking care of a newborn, and if she's planning to breastfeed that baby is going to be attached to her pretty much 24/7 for the first couple of months. If you are going to be helping with the nighttime stuff and with the care of the baby, you may find that your sex drive diminishes during that time too - that is what happened to my husband, and it took the pressure off for a couple of months. I had a hard time feeling sexy and even WANTING to have sex in between all of the sleeplessness and the fact that the baby was attached to my boob all day long, I just longed for a few minutes alone without another human being touching me, and privacy to take a shower or to pee by myself.
Probably not the picture you wanted to hear about - but I would say about 2-3 months after having each baby I felt more back to normal. And that is when it actually hit me that I'd gone so long without satisfying sex so my interest increased for awhile and I really wanted it.
Being patient right now is probably your best bet.
I have been pregnant four times so not only is every woman different but every pregnancy is different too. Through a couple of my pregnancies I couldn't get enough and the other two I had zero drive at all.
I felt really bad for my husband during my last pregnancy because the last two months we had no sex and then of course the 6 weeks following the birth.
BUT 6 months later my drive was very very high and it has stayed that way even 20 months later
We did everything all backwards. Halfway though the pregnancy we made a decision in marital counseling to abstain until the wedding... which very much increased my sex drive!
I think we 'cheated' once or twice. Otherwise the abstaining was a good reset button and I think it helped both of us. The wedding was in late november and our son was born in February. We had pretty good sex up until mid-feb, but nothing like those wonderful stories I was hearing from luckier husbands.
My wife had a miserable pregnancy.. no complications, but it took so much from her immune system, some of her respiratory issues got really bad... and probably some other stuff I've blocked from my memory.
But everyone is different, and the same women will have different experiences each pregnancy. No classes, books, internet forums, advice from friends, will ever prepare you for the oncoming roller coaster.
It's good that you aren't bugging her. You can start bugging her after awhile, pending advice from her dr, but it will still suck for awhile. Hopefully you will be so wrapped up in being a new dad that you won't worry about sex too much... for the first few months. Good luck.
First off thanks to ALL for thier insight into the matter.
Obviously, my wife is pregnent for the first time and i have no idea what to expect.
I do understand now that each woman and each pregnency is different and there is no formula.
My wife never had much of a drive since a couple of months after we got married. Initially i thought it was the stress of the job, and hadling home at the same time, so did not discuss this with her. Right around the time she got prg, it got really bad and i really wantd to disscuss this, but alas i founout that she was 3 months prg.
So for now i will hold off all disscussions on the topic for say at least 3-4 months. Ill be as suportive as possible.
I have read quiet a lot of posts here and as some one has said as long as you get it, sex is really nota issue, but when you dont get it, it really occupies your mind all the time.
I have read quiet a lot of posts here and as some one has said as long as you get it, sex is really nota issue, but when you dont get it, it really occupies your mind all the time.
Yes. Once you are both adjusted to a new routine, don't let this slide, or it will get worse. much, much worse.
For lots of women, the lack of desire is worst during the first trimester.. if that's really the only reason she was losing her mojo, you should be fine. Also keep in mind that if she breast feeds... that's known to decrease libido as well. Although I wouldn't point this out or you might get b!tchslapped!
Yes. Once you are both adjusted to a new routine, don't let this slide, or it will get worse. much, much worse.
For lots of women, the lack of desire is worst during the first trimester.. if that's really the only reason she was losing her mojo, you should be fine. Also keep in mind that if she breast feeds... that's known to decrease libido as well. Although I wouldn't point this out or you might get b!tchslapped!
haha ... yes i wont let this slide for sure. Thanks for the advice Nader. Yes i guess she will breast feed so i need to be prepared. If her drive is so low for all through her pregnency, im sure that once she breastfeeds, she wont even let me touch her, not even with a bamboo pole
Its just that i never realised that lack of sex can have such a powerful effect on your mind. I have caught myself on occasion staring at womens breasts/ass walking down the street and such. I have also been having some nasty thoughts lately which i wont even dare discribe here thoughts of cheating, being with other women keep crossing my mind(not that i plan to do any of this) and this is very wierd cos this has never happened before. has this happened to anyone else or im i just a perverted nut case ? i dint know my sexuality was so dark. Gotta admit its a tiny bit scary.
Sorry about the rant in the paragraph above, there is no one i could tell this to so i just feel better writing it out.
Yes. Once you are both adjusted to a new routine, don't let this slide, or it will get worse. much, much worse.
For lots of women, the lack of desire is worst during the first trimester.. if that's really the only reason she was losing her mojo, you should be fine. Also keep in mind that if she breast feeds... that's known to decrease libido as well. Although I wouldn't point this out or you might get b!tchslapped!
I must be weird....I breastfed all three of mine until they were 1 1/2-2 years old... and I wanted sex (had c-sections with each. doesn't mean we HAD sex... just that I WANTED it) two weeks after each was born. And my libido didn't drop at any point lol.
Well... I went from HD.... (doing it about 1 or 2 times daily.. sometimes 3).. to ND.. No drive... during pregnancy.. So my hubby went from needing a break.. to having to long of a break during all three pregnancies lol. For me... three months after the babies born.. thats when i go from ND to HD again. I'd be careful though if you were doing it under three months after babies born.. apparently my docs had said that between giving birth and 6 months.. is when a woman is most fertile.. and there will be like 110% chance of pregnancy again if no protection or BC was used.
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Sex during Pregenecy 
thoughts of cheating, being with other women keep crossing my mind(not that i plan to do any of this) and this is very wierd cos this has never happened before. has this happened to anyone else or im i just a perverted nut case ? i dint know my sexuality was so dark. Gotta admit its a tiny bit scary.
