Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
OK, so I'm new. Hi. Going crazy. My life partner is totally disgusting. He showers every other day. Rarely brushes his teeth. Please note. He is a good person, but totally oblivious to self hygiene. He is very sexual, and really gets moody without sex. But he grosses me out. I care for him, but don't now how to approach the situation without hurting him. Even after a shower, I think he doesn't wash very sufficiently. He still reeks of sweat and all kinds of really disgusting I don't know what's. I really hate kissing him. Now, I'm being classified as being cold. I have hinted on occasion for him just to put on some underarm spray. Even bought him al kinds of bath goodies, including Mitchum (So that he could skip a day ). I really don't mind giving him oral pleasure, but really? How important is hygiene for normal people? Would you guy's mind the stench?
That's gross. I'm a big guy and if I go half a day without a shower I start to stink. I often take two showers a day because I live here in the southwest where is stays 100+ half the year.
Diet has a lot to do with how a person smells. If you stick to fatty, starchy foods you will generally give off more BO. If you up the green leafy vegetables and eat a lot of fresh uncooked greens, the clorophyl in the vegetables will help alleviate a lot of BO.
As for the brushing the teeth part... I'd put my foot down on that sister. Don't let him come near you until his teeth are brushed and he has gargled with mouthwash.
Its rude, lazy and disrespectful for a guy to try to be intimate with his woman when he smells like livestock. You need to communicate clearly with the slob what it is you need him to do. Posted via Mobile Device
I agree with Bandit, and I think you're going to have to be a little more forceful with this guy. Poor hygiene is a huge turn off for anyone, and he needs to get his act together.
OK, I understand. But he is a very shy person. And I totally get the - invite him into a shower part - but this isn't always possible. He will be devastated if I come out and say "Hey guy, you STINK" (That's how I feel by now)... And I really don't have the guts. I really don't know how to say this to him.
Here's a different approach. As far as the BO, there COULD be something physically wrong. The tooth brushing, tho... that is a must. But the BO, he may need to see a doctor about it. My grandmother, my dad, and my sister... no matter how much they showered, no matter what they used, it wasn't enough. They still had horrible BO. It was a genetic thing, I think the doctor said. So get him checked out, to rule that out. But sit him down and tell him: "Honey, I love you, but this is still a problem. Maybe it is just a matter of showering more. Maybe we just need to find the right soap/shampoo/deodorant combo to work with you body chemistry. But we need to figure this out because it is really bothering me."
FYI, the shampoo/body wash/deodorant combo was a problem for my own husband. His depression didn't help either. He had no desire to do anything. I had to throw in tough love and tell him "Babe, I love you, but you NEED to shower more often. No showers... no sex" I even tried the medical angle...that if he's not clean, I can get infections. That worked for a couple weeks. In the end, it was the no shower = no sex that worked....and changing the soaps.
BTW, my husband is sensitive as well... but he would rather I TELL him if I don't want sex and why, than to live with him, resenting him for poor hygiene.
my wife expects me to shower at night when I'm used to morning showers. I've made this adjustment largely because I have more time in the evening, and because I generally want to have sex.
But I really think she has an overdeveloped sense of smell and has been known to complain about my breath minutes after I've brushed my teeth.
All this is to say... I'd never expect a BJ if I wasn't shower fresh. If he's that gross, you should speak up - let him get upset if that's what it takes.
You are a Wizard. ... Obviously there are a lot of other issues, which I would love to resolve over time, but at this stage, this feels like a good starting point. And I considered saying that I love him, but honestly do not know what that entails any more.
BTW, my husband is sensitive as well... but he would rather I TELL him if I don't want sex and why, than to live with him, resenting him for poor hygiene.
Thank you for the good advice, now I only have to build up the courage to tell him. It is very hard, we have been in a committed relationship for 6 years, and can't talk about any of our problems. Nothing ever gets resolved... It only dissolves...
Has he always been like this? Posted via Mobile Device
No. When we dated, he would always shower before he came over. And brush his teeth. But over time, I noticed that he just couldn't care less. He doesn't even brush his hair most of the time, and he has long hair. He also gained like a lot of pounds... (but that doesn't bother me, because he is a good person). I have wondered what people at work must think of him. Sometimes when I get up on a weekend, to go do some shopping, he come's along. I appreciate the company, but really feel embarrassed about the way he looks.
As Dolly says, there is a big difference between a 'natural' slightly sweaty smell and an 'unwashed' body.
Showering (properly) atleast once a day and cleaning teeth atleast twice a day is a must.
The thought of kissing a 'smelly' mouth is bad.....but expecting you to go down on a cheesy smelly c0ck....oh...just YUK.
All it shows is a complete lack of respect for him AND you.
If me and my wife are about to be intimate, we both wash off our genitals and a 12 inch radius (lol -- a guess). We take showers each night, and we also both wash off our as$es after going number 2.
We are both germ freaks, so I'd say yea, it would bother me. In fact, I would just be 100% honest and open and say, go wash off thoroughly or else I am not going to be intimate. I don't see why anyone would torture or resent their partner secretly rather than just being 100% honest. This isn't an issue he can't fix, like "Man your face is super ugly, please fix it or I can't kiss you." That's cold. This is something that can be fixed in 5 minutes. "Go shower again and wash your balls better, in fact, shave them, and your ass, and your underarms, then come back to bed and I will show you something you have never seen before." Make it so it's not even an option. Either you are clean by my standards or I am not interested in being intimate.
This post would hurt my feelings way more than my wife actually telling me about it. Talk to your husband, if you already have, talk to your husband with the next time he has an erection and let him know where he can stick it...... in a shower.
Agree with many here that is gross and you need to tell him!! I remember being a teen and it seemed neither mattered much to me or the girls I was with, but now..........I'm definitely more hygenic then my wife.
I hate spontaneous sex because of it!! I MUST be showered, teeth brushed, mouthwash, and a mini sugar free Altoid. Preferably cleanly shaven too.......
I don't care if my wife is quite so uber clean........I have to me period!! I take bubble baths so every place gets clean super clean
8Likes 
Hygiene, Sex & BJ's 
). I really don't mind giving him oral pleasure, but really? How important is hygiene for normal people? Would you guy's mind the stench?
Re: Hygiene, Sex & BJ's 
... Obviously there are a lot of other issues, which I would love to resolve over time, but at this stage, this feels like a good starting point. And I considered saying that I love him, but honestly do not know what that entails any more.
