Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I love oral sex but my H won't do it. He only has a hand few times and then he was drunk or high. (which he doesn't do anymore thankfully) Of course, he likes BJ and I like giving them but I'm really missing out on something I love.
oh i can relate to this.
i have been trying for a yr to convince my H to do more.
He has for about 5 secs a month and it really put me under stress.
c to me sex is the whole package.
not him getin blow jobs all the time .
amongst other marriage issues, i have now called time on our relationship.
now he says he wil try , duh he had a yr and every month i asked and asked. i got tired, fed up of asking. then H said it put him of, koz i kept asking.
i made so many gestures and communicated how i felt. etc etc / i even stopped on him, but not even that worked.
then the other day, i got a piece of paper and in huge letters. said
"i wanted oral, everytime we had sex." just to get the point across.
suddenly he gets the message- yeh when the relationship is in dire straits. nah time for me now and getin myself back on track.
not much of a suggestion - but i think you'll be asking and not getin
my H was reluctant to give oral. he loves BJ's too. so i stopped giving BJ's. im not sure this was the best route, though. we've talked about it, and sometimes fought about it, and he likes it now. maybe you just need to get him to talk about it more.
Do you know why he won't? Some guys have issues with this for a variety of reasons...I personally love to do so, more so than receiving oral.
Find out exactly what the problem might be...if it's something silly like a taste/smell issue, and that's not to say you're unclean, but some guys can't handle the aromatic or sensory envelopment of doing this...but if it's something to that effect, there are things you can do to counter this that are easy and fairly fun...
If he's not going to give you oral, then I would not be giving it to him. Might sound kind of mean, but honestly, why should you give him a blow job, if he's unwilling to go down on you? That's so unfair.
You will have to compromise, and that compromise might just be, "hey, you don't want to do oral, so, I won't do it either, there we're square!"
that is just me. If my hubby couldn't do that , no matter what the reason, then I spose I'd have to return, or not return , as it were... the favor. ;-)
lucky for me, I love giving him oral, and he loves giving me oral.
I am sure you're very clean, shaved, and smell nice. Most women don't have a problem in that area, so there isn't a reason why he should refuse to do it.
I agree with the comment that says no bjs unless he gives you oral. What is fair is fair... what's good for the goose is good for the gander, you get the idea. Lay down the law. BUT, make sure that you are trimmed or shaved cleanly, freshly showered, etc so that he can enjoy the experience. Remember to that a LOT of his reluctancy may be attributed to insecurity. Therefore, make sure that you give him all the signs that you are enjoying it (but don't overdo it). Remind him that it takes time to a girl there (even up to or more than 20 minutes sometimes), especially when under stress. This will make him feel more comfortable when it is taking a while, he wont lose hope as easily. You can also try doing 69 (if it is uncomfortable doing top and bottom, try it when you are laying on your back and he is laying on his side) because this will ensure that both of you are being pleased at the same time and it increases the pleasure all the way around. Don't let him "get there" until you do though. But once you've gotten there, make it worth the time and effort for him :-)
I'm starting to think that normal girls like oral. I love the idea of giving my girl head but I recently found out there is something seriously wrong with her, maybe that explains it.
As far as your husband, it sucks that he is not willing to share in your desire. There's a key word....share. I dont think he enjoys sharing. Does he seem like he just takes and takes?
You shouldn't have to compromise with him....all of this should just turn him on...unless its something that you want to do to him...like strap on dildo or something....thats different. But if its something you want done to you...it should turn him on.
Tim I think you hit the nail on the head... He is just a taker and not a giver in alot of ways.
Believe me I told him several times what I needed and like but he says he just doesn't like to do it. Sexually I just don't think he's very satisfying. I don't think he really knows or cares to know what turns a women on. Like Tim said he was always a taker.
I try not giving him BJ's but then I always end up doing it because I like to and I miss not doing it but I need to just stop it. I hate not getting the pleasure I deserve.
as someone who loves women period. i could not imagine not giving my wife everything she wants and deserves especially oral and however long she wants it for too. lucky for me, my wife has what i guess you could call a neutral smell and taste. there were a few women/girls back in the day in highschool when i was a strapping young lad who stayed clean but just didnt quite cut it down there...it sure as hell wasnt roses and daisy's..here is a rule of thumb for any man..." if you are working your way down there and you can smell it by the time you get to the belly button, dont go any farther". also do what i do...go for older women, they for the most part have theyre head screwed on straight and are more funner in bed .(and yes i used the word funner) what can i say, i like to make people laugh. when i was 22 in the navy i had a one night stand with a 45 year old woman and it was awesome...but thats for another time.