Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Heartsbeating , come on now, you are asking ME this, If there is one thing I ain't lacking in this life, it IS expressing myself, my husband knows down to the T what I want, what I crave, what will send me over the moon.. If he doesn't understand how important it is to me, it is only because he doesn't feel that way himself.. it has nothing what so ever to do with a lack of communicating.
haha I know THAT! Sorry, didn't mean to imply lack of communication on your part... more the why on his part.
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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
He just doesn't feel comfortable doing it....that's it.... .and when I push for it (which I am clearly guilty of doing from time to time)... he feels like he can't live up to my expectations. So this is not helping matters.
You little tigress you. If you have become confident in this way, it could be somewhat intimidating/pressure for him. Maybe not though. Just a thought.
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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
In his own words (incase you missed this in my 2nd post here) ...... He feels his touch is worth 1,000 words. That was one of his responses to me when I was riding him about more expression in the bedroom. He got me on that one, didn't he!
..but this is more about what turns YOU on, rather than him. For it to compliment what you already have.
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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
He has even suggested he has some sort of "blockage" there. Ya know, what do I do with that.
Yup.
I think all you can do is positive encouragement.
And yes, accept him for the lover he is. I wouldn't suggest a therapist or anything like that lol. Just thinking right along with you, 'tis all, and we both know you have a good man by your side. There's nothing wrong with thinking this out SA.
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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous
Tonight he said "I want you baby" in the midst of our time together... he is trying. The worst thing I can possibly do is say to him ...."you said that cause you know I wanted you too".. OMG, there is nothing that would hinder him MORE than a comment like that from me. So that was one agreement we had to make...that I TRUST every single word he says, and not question it.
That's the way!
And even if that thought popped up in your head of him saying it because you want him to, ya know, it's a starting point. And well...you do WANT him to say it lol. Roll with it. Grab his hair and whisper "I want you too!" puurrrrrfect!
I realize this is the normal hang up with most men ...as women can take things so sensitively and might be offended, or even hurt. NOT ME.... It was me who drug him to a Strip club, there is NOTHING he could say to me that would offend me unless he wanted to cross the monogomy line......I know how men are & he is too tame.... in fact there is one thing he did say to me that he wouldn't mind- it would be a turn on....It was a little out there.......but I wouldn't even say it on this forum lest he be judged for it - I wasn't offended.... Nope those are not his issues, I am just as dirty, if not more so. I don't judge those things and he knows this very well, he knows I want to hear all of that, and wished he was MORE like that.
It's great that you are open..but I do think those "blockages" for lack of better word, are to do with the person first of all, rather than their spouse. Sure, the spouse can help encourage that acceptance and trust but, it first needs the person to recognize their own views of sexuality and push those comfort zones if so desired. It has to start with them being willing to explore that possibility.
Okay I am curious as to why you asked if he'd want to hear you calling out his name when this was about you wanting to hear him?
I did this because ....I like to torment myself (half kidding)....it was another confirmation that he doesn't care or "gets all hot & bothered" by the things I personally think would be freaking FUN..... He wouldn't care If I ever said his name. In a way it is a shame, I have all this pent up verbal passion to unleash but he would be fine if I was silent the whole damn time. Don't get me wrong, I know he LOVES me the way I am...what he is ...is Spoiled ya know....He knows it too! Dagone him. But even if I was quiet, which I was for 19 very L O N G years, he was totally satisfied with that! (but I was too, go figure)
All he needs to do is feel our bodies together....the man is terribly Touchy Feely, which I love to the high heavens. I'd take that over anything else anyway! So I am still very very blessed.
So you see....getting him to flirt like that... at it's roots.....It is really ....just FOR ME....(which is kinda sad when you think about it....freaking bummer)...
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That's the way!
And even if that thought popped up in your head of him saying it because you want him to, ya know, it's a starting point. Roll with it. Grab his hair and whisper "I want you too!" puurrrrrfect
Oh yeah, alot of purring going on ...
He was so annoyed with me saying he would say things just cause I wanted him too, I was ready to write up this aggreement to NEVER voice that again .....and this would give him the freedom to speak what he wants to speak without me questioning it >>>That bothered him something furious.
I told you some of our fights are rediculous !! I haven't wrote up this "flirting agreement" yet, but I just might -for memories sake. It is something he needs to not question from me and I need to TRUST every word he may freely speak and just believe he wants to say it .
I did this because ....I like to torment myself (half kidding)....it was another confirmation that he doesn't care or "gets all hot & bothered" by the things I personally think would be freaking FUN..... He wouldn't care If I ever said his name. In a way it is a shame, I have all this pent up verbal passion to unleash but he would be fine if I was silent the whole damn time. Don't get me wrong, I know he LOVES me the way I am...what he is ...is Spoiled ya know....He knows it too! Dagone him. But even if I was quiet, which I was for 19 very L O N G years, he was totally satisfied with that! (but I was too, go figure)
All he needs to do is feel our bodies together....the man is terribly Touchy Feely, which I love to the high heavens. I'd take that over anything else anyway! So I am still very very blessed.
So you see....getting him to flirt like that... at it's roots.....It is really ....just FOR ME....(which is kinda sad when you think about it....freaking bummer)...
Oh yeah, alot of purring going on ...
He was so annoyed with me saying he would say things just cause I wanted him too, I was ready to write up this aggreement to NEVER voice that again .....and this would give him the freedom to speak what he wants to speak without me questioning it >>>That bothered him something furious.
I told you some of our fights are rediculous !! I haven't wrote up this "flirting agreement" yet, but I just might -for memories sake. It is something he needs to not question from me and I need to TRUST every word he may freely speak and just believe he wants to say it .
It is a good thing we CAN laugh at these things.
Hi SA: I was reading some of your posts and just wanted to add a few words that may help you...First, do not get mad at your husband for not talking dirty...His problem is he respects you too much to use words that he has been taught are not right...He must learn to understand that all sexual words do not have a dirty meaning...That when they are used in passion that they even taste good.....As for me, I hate to see the words that I love and are part of our love making thrown around in a crude way as I have been seeing on forums...But as they say, different strokes for different folks...
Give me some time and I will add a couple of posts that may help you...With writing my own site, having so many hobbies and the wife of the neatest man in the world, it can sometimes be a rat race...My best to you....C
Tell him what you want him to do to you...but then, ASK him if he wants to do that..
ie,... baby I want you to "xyz"...do you wanna "xyz" me, these, etc..baby?
All he may do initially is just say....uh huh....THIS is where the training begins....you now must tell him to TELL you what hes gonna do.,,, ie, tell me what you're gonna do baby...etc..
Hi SA's husband...Up until about ten years ago we never indulged in dirty talking...Then I started to ejaculate...This happening awoke a part of me that was yearning for more...Not that I was not getting enough sex, but that I wanted to get into the act more...Up until that time I had always kept a part of myself in reserve...I adore the man, but I wanted him to see the real woman that was inside of me and couldn't find her way out....So I decided to let loose with the words that I thought in my mind when we were having sex....Lets face it, I have one of the best imaginations that there is....So one night or day I can't remember when I was so hot that I couldn't lay still I told him to shove his p**** inside of me...He kind of was taken aback, but did it like mad...I could tell that he was smiling...With that happening little by little the good girl kicked the bad girl out of the bed and her life...Yet, it took him more than a few months to start using sexual words with me...Funny as it seems I could feel the hesitation when he wanted to let loose but couldn't....Now he does not hesitate asking me if I want to f***.......And we do...
I love dirty words...They spice me up and drive me to do things that only a porn star would do with her lover...The first time I raised my legs and separated them for him, he near drilled a hole in me...When I put on rosy glow on my nipples he turns into a love machine...I guess one of his favorite words is referring to my hot p****....Knowing these words are being said to you in a sexual way can have the power of the best aphrodisiac that money can buy...I believe many women want this, but not many can get it out...This is not disrespect, it is sexual want...The words are not bad, but good....It is only when people say them in a disrespectful way that they become slang...Yours and my husband's are love...They are want...They are come on and get me baby words....
In time I am going to write about my wonderful lover and what he did to me yesterday morning with just a few choice words and my actions...You see by turning me on with these words, he is also turning himself on...He is letting the good boy be the bad boy, just as she (your wife) is leaving the lady at the door and letting the two bit call girl or woman of the evening or whatever she plans to play that night, free....
Take your time...I still have to use a bit of coaxing with my husband, but I know that what I have learned to do and how he has reacted, has been one of my best favorite bedroom "tricks" that I have ever let loose...As you do, my husband also respects me more than God himself...We are more in love than anyone will ever know...And I just love it when he is my sexual turn on....
9Likes
Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed 
Grab his hair and whisper "I want you too!" puurrrrrfect!
It is something he needs to not question from me and I need to TRUST every word he may freely speak and just believe he wants to say it . 
