Getting him to talk dirty in bed
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-01-2012, 06:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Getting him to talk dirty in bed

Any tips? I don't need a novel, but just some general descriptions of how he feels, how I feel or look or that kind of thing. Even just saying my name would be nice. He is so quiet and sometimes I just feel like he's not really mentally there with me. I try to draw him out but it's like pulling teeth.
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Old 06-01-2012, 06:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

Oh, wow. Yeah, I went through this too, except my H was very receptive.

Try modeling the behavior. In other words, don't ask him to be verbal, but you be verbal. Eventually he'll want to keep up. ( I hope!)

And I came right out and asked H to say my name.

Might not work, but I hope it does!
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Old 06-01-2012, 06:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

A couple of ways to get him in the habit of talking in bed:

Ask him questions. Ex. - Do you want me to play with my nipples?

Tease him and make him vocalize what he wants. Ex. - As you go down on him, kiss his legs and stomach, all the while asking what he wants you to do. Make him ask you to suck him.
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Old 06-01-2012, 06:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

Men try so hard to be their girls best, just let him know how he would blow every fantasy or guy out the water if he was more vocal. Noone would be close. Remind him that physically he is far superior and a man of his caliber needs to work the room the same way he works his package. Dirty talk is confidence. If he is beta, let him know in the bedroom you want a man.
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Old 06-01-2012, 06:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

Tips? Hell yes. Get the ball rolling. Don't wait for him. Nothing is hotter for a man than a woman who talks dirty in bed. Be patient. It may take him a few weeks to get into it but once he cracks open that door, he'll go wild and fxxx you like there's no tomorrow.
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:05 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

Oh no.... here comes a fantasy. I've never done this because my wife fixed me before we got married by telling me that's what she wanted from me. I knew she wanted aggression, talk, and moans while we were intimate. I was young and embarrassed but I did it anyway. Eventually it became confidence, now I'd hate sex without the talk. Fantasy below:

Lay him on his back and give him oral. Not intense mouthful oral, but licking with eye contact while you talk to him. Let him know you want to hear his dirty thoughts. Ask him to look at you. Ask him if he wants you to choke on his thing. Warm him up and force a response. Eventually work your way up and ride him, but as you do, lean down and grab his throat (gentle -- pretend rough). As you ride whisper to him in a commanding tone that you want to hear him talk. Tell him to moan for you (I started building confidence with moans and short talk). If he doesn't moan, get up and smother him with your body. Yes, sit on him. Tell him you aren't getilting up until he talks.....

From there, hopefully it clicks. Work with him. If you bring the animal out, he throws you off, rolls you over, looks at you as he starts thrusting and asks you with an agry voice, is this what you want. Compliment him and keep him going. Poke the bear, eventually the man will take over.


Sorry so graphic, I don't know how else to give that sort of advice without a bit of detail. Now I wish I had stage fright

Last edited by Aristotle; 06-01-2012 at 07:10 PM.
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

My wife alwyas went overboard with the nasty talk. I mean, I did like it, but sometimes I'd be concentrating on lasting and her vocalizing was a distraction. I'd be putting it to her and evntually I'd lose my temper and say "Shut the f*ck up will ya? I'm trying to concentrate here!"

Not very nice huh?
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

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diwali123 said: Even just saying my name would be nice. He is so quiet and sometimes I just feel like he's not really mentally there with me. I try to draw him out but it's like pulling teeth.
I am really not convinced every man can step this up to what some of us want or crave. I don't mean to be a downer... but how many Men can't get some of this from their wives....no matter what hoops they jump through, and I know from my own experience .....feeling as HIGH on sex as any man- with "talking dirty" being my new found language for a time.... it just flowed out of me..... I could not get my husband to step THIS up - as much as I would have loved & reveled in it... No, some things had to be left to fantasy.

My husband is natutally a quieter man, I knew this when I married him... he is also more Beta. Who am I to think I am going to do a overhaul on him just cause I decided I wanted more in the bedroom, he was always a gracious Lover. Why suddendly did I need more?

I would love for him to talk AS DIRTY AS ME in bed...but I think it puts pressure on him...it's not "I think"...It is "I know". When I want more sex to begin with, he already has the added pressure of getting it up, adding this to the mix = let's not go there.

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Aristotle said : If he is beta, let him know in the bedroom you want a man.
I have said things like this... This is very very offending..... I wouldn't recommend talking to your husband like this... I guess it depends on his personality... Maybe yours will get pizzed off & try to prove you wrong (some people are like this- I think I am one of those).....

Or if he is like my husband (very different than me !)......it just makes him feel worse -feeling he can not please me. I ought to know, as we have had fights about this very subject. If I kept pushing it, It would have drug us both down to a very bad place. Sometimes I still get a little irritated...it revisits me... I wish he was "more" in some of these areas.... but I have to reign it in & let it go.

I had to accept...what he offers of himself... A lover who aims to please touchingly....he wants to be there, he loves me more than his own life, he is there mentally, he is there emotionally, he loves sex... but the verbal dirty talking... this was pressure.

I used to be quiet too, but I came out of my shell....maybe a little too much! I was caged. He was always what he was, so It seems.

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Tall Average Guy said: Tease him and make him vocalize what he wants. Ex. - As you go down on him, kiss his legs and stomach, all the while asking what he wants you to do. Make him ask you to suck him.
I've done so much like this, maybe tonight I will try this on him, I know not to get my hopes up though. When I read things like this... I think to myself.... "I F'n wish". How FUN that would be!! Maybe when he was 18 and had a few drinks. Not today. I missed his revved up Horny "gotta have it now" swimming in his prime with 5 hard-ons a day that needed relief.

That's one of the problems with us. For my husband it is all about the emotional connection, so alot of HOT erotic talk does not flow from him. I think one has to be feeling this... doused in it - to be an enthusiastc deliverer.... So in our case, I must calm my erotic nerves and be thankful for the more sensual affectionate love making... this is what my husband is all about.

How would you describe your husband ??
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

Good point. Why change a gracious lover into an animal, just because.
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Old 06-02-2012, 12:46 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

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Good point. Why change a gracious lover into an animal, just because.
Because of this thread...we had a little argument over this tonight... I swear maybe he needs Hypnotized or something -his issue/blockage on these things seem to stem from feeling "selfish" if he wants me to DO him, he just can't bring himself to act like this....or talk like that....even KNOWING I want that......you know the whole .... tease him so he'll "beg to be sucked" talk.

So I start telling him he needs to be more of a "Son of a B" - cause even if he is a little bit of a "Son of a B"- he will still be too nice ! So I was going on using hand expressions trying to measure how much of a "Son of a B" he should try to be... I realize how absurd this is getting & start out loud...then he starts ...back in each others arms....leads right into make up sex.....where I end up telling him to say "suck me baby" before I put my mouth there.... He wasn't going to do it! But I KNEW he wanted it ! WTF

Honest to God, we have had more fights over me wanting this man to get more aggressive, more verbal - but he struggles !!! All that ends up happening is ME getting aggressive, which he does sort of enjoy- so long as I keep it happy, feisty & seductive ... but when I nose dive into putting him down ... well ain't nothing going to destroy the mood more than that!

This "feeling selfish" hangup he has, I swear is a problem to his psyche -it seems to permeate his sexual mind. I always tell him I want him to be more selfish in bed... I have no fear he would take that too far. He was born to be a Pleaser - I really shouldn't complain.

Our fights are half crazy but we still love each other dearly.

Quote:
bandit.45 said: My wife alwyas went overboard with the nasty talk. I mean, I did like it, but sometimes I'd be concentrating on lasting and her vocalizing was a distraction. I'd be putting it to her and evntually I'd lose my temper and say "Shut the f*ck up will ya? I'm trying to concentrate here!"
I told my husband about your post tonight, in the midst of our arguing, that brought him a smile anyway....like not every man is flirting up the ceiling in thier bedrooms.

One night he got me good & said....."My touch should be worth a thousands words". Just about brought me to tears. Kinda like this song >> Alison Krauss - When You Say Nothing At All - YouTube

Outside of the bedroom he is more vocally playful - so at least this is a plus!
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Old 06-02-2012, 02:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

My husband gets an A+ in this category. Some of the stuff he says is better than anything in a smutty book. I don't find a silent partner that good for my ego.

To do dirty talk right, you have to say what you feel inside. It has to come to the surface. You can't fake it or force it and if you do it just won't seem that authentic as when you say it when you feel it. Dirty talk doesn't HAVE to be trashy sex talk although it could be if that's your cup of tea. That's probably clear as mud. When you say what you feel, it doesn't feel like you're making an effort. And on the flip side, your recipient has to respond to the dirty talk or it's going to be awkward/fall flat. And whatever you say, don't refer to yourself as "Daddy" like "Do you want Daddy's..??" So not a turn on.
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Old 06-02-2012, 02:32 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

Sometimes I get so caught up and lost inside her I talk backwards and just flat out go retarded.

"Oh yea, shaft me with that c0ck.... I mean, hock my shack... ohhhhh god"

She will smile or scoff and I'll snap out of zombie talk mode.
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Old 06-02-2012, 07:02 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

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My husband gets an A+ in this category. Some of the stuff he says is better than anything in a smutty book. I don't find a silent partner that good for my ego.
I don't like you Coffee Amore ! I am just kidding, you lucky woman you! I still find I have a pretty big ego even though my husband lacks here. Some things I take personal -like if I felt he didn't want to be there.. but not this.. I just get caught up in feeling it could be more Exciting...like I am an excitement junkie & I need to calm it down..

It is always deeply emotional but still it's like I'd like us to hop on another train, take a new ride , even though it all leads to the same destination.

Quote:
When you say what you feel, it doesn't feel like you're making an effort. And on the flip side, your recipient has to respond to the dirty talk or it's going to be awkward/fall flat.
I will give my husband credit here... he does respond, he just doesn't start much. It all comes quite naturally to me...and he does love that. If he didn't ... I think we'd be in a lot of trouble. My flirtatiousnous has helped him overcome some performance pressure even- when I was wearing him out, so it has many uses !
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Old 06-02-2012, 11:14 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

Since my wife likes that I'm a gentleman out of the bedroom, and because she never talks dirty in the bedroom, it feels out of place for me to talk really dirty.

I've done it a few times, but it makes me feel like a porn actor in a filming of Pride of Prejudice or some other film set in pre-Victorian/Victorian England.... a complete fish out of water.

So what I'm saying is you have to help set the mood. If you have done that and you've asked him to tell you something dirty and he won't... well he may just not have it in him. I know my wife doesn't.
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Old 06-02-2012, 02:20 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Getting him to talk dirty in bed

This is an interesting thread. You know how when someone comes on and wants their spouse to do something in particular and the spouse won't do it (like one of the many infinite BJ threads that seem to float around here ), and the responses are "well, they should just learn to do it because you like it" or "you need to just learn to live with it" and here we are giving guys bye's for not having it in them to give their woman a little bit of dirty talk (yes, SA's husband, even if you can't do the dirty talk, give her some kind of verbalization in bed - just try it with a few moans/groan or single words "YES", "MORE", "HOLYCOW" to start with). Okay, rant over.

I actually think spouses should try and push themselves a bit out of their comfort zones. So, diwali, neither my husband and I are what I would call 'dirty talkers' - we end up cracking up and laughing too much when we try and talk dirty - it's all just out of character for the both of us. BUT that doesn't mean that we don't verbalize in other ways - we moan, groan, we whisper - Lord, he whispers in a hoarse, rough growl in my ear telling me what to do or what he's going to do to me (try that one too SA's husband - if you don't want your words heard out loud, then whisper them in her ear). I think the thing is that you really want some kind of verbal affirmation that your partner is in to YOU and in to the moment, yes?

So, start it out slow. You can talk about it casually outside of the bedroom ("oh, I would really love to hear your voice when we do x") and re-affirm verbally during sex ("oh, I love when you moan", "oh, I love when you do that", "oh, I love the sound of your sexy voice").

You can suggest that he whisper things in your ear, and you can try doing the same for him and see how he responds.

You can ask questions during so that he has to respond verbally.

I hope that he will at least try a bit of verbal play with you ... and since I'm in kind of a spunky mood today ... if he doesn't agree to try then you'll just have to tell him you'll spank him. Sorry, couldn't help it.
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