Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
My husband and I have been married for about 10 months, and everything is great except for our sex life.... and I didn't realize how much it affects other parts of our relationship. We usually have sex 3-4 times a week but recently I have just had a really low sex drive. It started when I was in my spring semester this year and I was staying up all night to do assignments/study and we really didn't have sex because I didn't have time. We would work opposite shifts and when he was home I would be in school so we had sex maybe once a week if that. Now the summer is here and we're able to spend a lot more time together except I want to have sex about once a week and my sex drive hasn't gone up. My husband wants to have sex a few times a week, and I constantly turn him down because I'm just not in the mood. I've been turning him down a lot lately and when I do he gets frustrated and very insecure. I made a big mess because we have both gained a significant amount of weight since being married so I told him we should loose weight together and take better care of ourselves and maybe my sex drive would go up. Now his insecurities are through the roof, he's constantly pushing to have sex and now the thought of sex is just a big turn off for me.
My husband and I have been married for about 10 months, and everything is great except for our sex life.... and I didn't realize how much it affects other parts of our relationship. We usually have sex 3-4 times a week but recently I have just had a really low sex drive. It started when I was in my spring semester this year and I was staying up all night to do assignments/study and we really didn't have sex because I didn't have time. We would work opposite shifts and when he was home I would be in school so we had sex maybe once a week if that. Now the summer is here and we're able to spend a lot more time together except I want to have sex about once a week and my sex drive hasn't gone up. My husband wants to have sex a few times a week, and I constantly turn him down because I'm just not in the mood. I've been turning him down a lot lately and when I do he gets frustrated and very insecure. I made a big mess because we have both gained a significant amount of weight since being married so I told him we should loose weight together and take better care of ourselves and maybe my sex drive would go up. Now his insecurities are through the roof, he's constantly pushing to have sex and now the thought of sex is just a big turn off for me.
For me, being turned down by my wife leads to lots of insecurities... "am I not good enough" "is she doing someone else" I don't provide for her well enough for her to want me"
Sex and our egos can be closely connected. Losing weight will help, and exercise will kick your drive up. If my wife gets a good cardio workout 3 times a week, she is much more interested than if she is not working out.
In the mean time, do what you can to give him what he needs. We men do need it, but beware the lack of enthusiasm "get on, get off, and GET OFF" type of sex, where he feels you are resenting it.
No offense, but sex "a few times a week" is hardly "all the time", especially for a young newlywed couple.he might be casting out his line a lot though because his success ratio is very low.
I would advise you two to consider getting some outside help to start healing your relationship. But in the meatime, how often do you go out on dates together? Make an effort to show each other how special you are?
I don't see the problem. You want it once a week...he wants it 3-4 times a week...so compromise?
Don't start fighting about sex....omg.
Workout, try to raise your libido. Get sexual and see how your body responds EVEN THOUGH you dont' want it at that moment. You'll be surprised how you can get warmed up.
It's been 10 months. Don't pull the "stereotypical wife" card.
I know I'll get crap for this post, but holy hell...so many women with husbands who WANT THEM and they complain. This will eat away at your marriage in time.
I agree with that girl. This same poster would likely be upset if her husband didn't want her.
And not having time to have sex is one of the biggest lies out there. You have time for things that are important and things that aren't get dropped. Happens all the time.
One more thing my husband may not be in the mood to go to work but he does it. Every single day. I may not be in the mood to clean the house but I do it. I may not be in the mood to eat right but my husband (and I) prefer me thin so I do that too.
Great relationships require effort. The sooner you realize this the better. Not being in the mood or blaming your size are just more excuses.
Is anyone else reminded of that scene from Annie Hall?
Shrink to female patient: How often do you have sex?
Female: All the time, 2-3 times a week.
Shrink to male patient: How often do you have sex?
Male: Hardly ever, 2-3 times a week.
When I opened this, I thought I'd read about a guy who wants it 3-5 times a DAY! not 3-4 times a week.
That's not all the time...that's a healthy marriage.
And to only be married 10 months and push your spouse away? Eesh....careful...that ice is thin.
That's what I thought.
OP I wonder if you know that the way men feel loved is by the amount of passion their partner has for them and the quantity and quality of sex.
Would that make a difference in your willingness to increase frequency. You can comprimise with one more time a week until you recover from the stress from school. I don't think of sex as much as my husband but when we have sex I get into it. We worked out what it takes for me to focus on sex, become aroused than then desire kicks it. men have spontaneous desire, many woman, have to work at it a little.
Knowing what a pivotal role sex plays in my marriage, I allow myself to be arroused. If I didn't understand then I would resent having sex when I did not think of it. However, since i know about the differences in female and male sexuality, I don't feel resentful. It is not my husband fault the he is male nor mine that I am female, we accept and accommodate each other. It part of building a strong relationship.
Now do you understand his anxiety? If you love him, try to understand him and help him understand you. Let him know what you need to warm up and allow yourself to relax and respond. Posted via Mobile Device
So the two of you have put on some weight and now you want to lose it? How diet and working out?
Did you know that one of the healtiest form of exercise is sex? If you have sex twice a week, it's the equivalent of jogging 90 miles a year. That's almost 2 miles a week. Have sex 4 times a week... that's like 4 miles a week.
I used to jog a lot. I can tell you that sex is a lot more fun then going to the gym or jogging.
As a woman, the more sex you have, the more you will want. When women stop having sex their sex drive goes down. The best way to improve your sex life and lose that weight is to get as much sex as you can.
So the two of you have put on some weight and now you want to lose it? How diet and working out?
Did you know that one of the healtiest form of exercise is sex? If you have sex twice a week, it's the equivalent of jogging 90 miles a year. That's almost 2 miles a week. Have sex 4 times a week... that's like 4 miles a week.
I used to jog a lot. I can tell you that sex is a lot more fun then going to the gym or jogging.
As a woman, the more sex you have, the more you will want. When women stop having sex their sex drive goes down. The best way to improve your sex life and lose that weight is to get as much sex as you can.
Hmmmm.... my hubby has been saying his mind isn't on sex lately. He also says he needs to lose weight (actually, we both know we need to)... I think I need to bring that up!
Hmmmm.... my hubby has been saying his mind isn't on sex lately. He also says he needs to lose weight (actually, we both know we need to)... I think I need to bring that up!
Hey this is my plan for getting back in shape.. i just need to find someone now
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Husband wants to have sex all the time 
