Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Last night i turned my wife down. i am the HD spouse so everyone knows. my wife always dictates when we can or cannot be intimate. her way of 'initiating' is to come out of the bathroom in a towel or naked instead of in her pjs. which is my cue to take a shower for sex - there's no real seduction involved. to set the stage for the story.
We were out as a family on Saturday afternoon as the day wore on my wife continuously drove me nuts w her rants peculiarities and attitude. she ended up apologizing for not wanting sex that night which i told her w the way she was today i wasn't interested. yesterday she was out running errands and housework while i watched the kids and hung outside w neighbors. i was still annoyed from the day before and we barely acknowledged each other. well the kids r asleep and she comes out of the bathroom naked - which is my cue. i wasn't in the mood again but went along with it, after washing up i find her in the bedroom on the 'net reading a story. its about some tragic car accident. it was very sad and about the opposite end of 'come hither' as there can be. a complete mood killer so instead of waiting in bed for me putting something sexy on or anything remotely sexual she's reading depressing news and telling me about it..............
Well i told her forget it the mood is gone and go to sleep. she made a lame attempt to seduce me then by but i was so annoyed about the situation and the general state of our relationship by then she gave up and went to sleep.
Thoughts?
I say good for you. The problem with the LD/HD dynamic is that the LD partner wields all the power -- so you took some of your power back, and maybe gave her a wakeup call as well.
I meant afternoon this stupid phone completed my word incorrectly lol.
Well i ended up giving her a massage (always non sexual never lead to sex) when we went to sleep. i didn't want the night to end w us pissed at each other. probably was weak i admit.
No, I don't think it was weak at all. It was probably a good move, strategically, since LD partners frequently complain that they never get any physical affection that doesn't lead to sex.
No you did just fine. You want her to want to be with you, it's not too much to ask that she show more effort than she put in. You're not asking for much.
Just be sure to reassure her you love her, and communicate what you didn't like (lovingly) and tell her what you'd love to see more of (perhaps in a playful/flirtatious way).
I can feel your frustration on this one. I feel like this is exactly where I used to be and I hated it. The fact she can still go to sleep, while you sit awake pretending to sleep, hoping she "tries again". You did the right thing, although I know it was hard.
I meant afternoon this stupid phone completed my word incorrectly lol.
Well i ended up giving her a massage (always non sexual never lead to sex) when we went to sleep. i didn't want the night to end w us passed passed at each other. probably was weak i admit.
See, to me, that was weak if that was your reason. My guess is that your wife took it as you apologizing for being mad. Were you wrong? Did you mean to apologize? If not, then you sent exactly the wrong message, and surrendered to her so that you could keep the peace. That is not what you want to be happening.
Consider that she views it as getting out of sex, while getting both an apology from you and a massage. Maybe not the lottery, but dang close.
I meant afternoon this stupid phone completed my word incorrectly lol.
Well i ended up giving her a massage (always non sexual never lead to sex) when we went to sleep. i didn't want the night to end w us passed passed at each other. probably was weak i admit.
I just saw his second post.
No no no no no no no no no no no no. OMG no. No. She did wrong by you and ignores your needs.... and you give her a massage because you feel bad?
This is why i posted. I don't really discuss this stuff w anyone in my life and need perspective from outside parties. you tend to be trapped in ur thoughts. Plus i can be melodramatic about myself so just wanted to hear some opinions - thx.
The final part of the conversation that i left out was my wife asking if i regretted shooting her down last night, i assume she thought i did considering the massage and that im a total hornball. i told her no i didn't - she still killed the mood.
She did kill the mood, and she needs to acknowledge that.
Ptui. I just wish these women got it, but they don't. I'm sorry.
She's no monster, and I'm no saint, so I don't want to portray her as some b*$ch. But she definitely takes things for granted and has a hard time truly understanding how important sex is in a relationship. She'll pay it lip service, but when it gets down to it - .
The best I could describe it was a few years ago, after we had our second child, I planned a night away for her. Got her family together, organized a night out for them, and rented her a room downtown so she could get a good night's rest (obviously wasn't sleeping well with a baby).
That was my first time alone with both kids, through the night for 24 hrs. I always knew that raising children were hard - but I never truly understood it until that day. She knows sex is important, but doesn't really understand.
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Turned down sex last night 
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