Ladies who like restraints.
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-04-2012, 07:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Ladies who like restraints.

If I'm not mistaken, there have been a few ladies here who say they like restraints. I believe in one post someone mentioned they had an under-the-mattress system. I remember another lady mentioning being strapped down. Can you explain why you like this? Is it one of your favorite things?

I ask because my x wife didn't like the idea of it at all. I could have been ok with it, but she said "that is what people do when someone is being raped," and she said "I couldn't do anything if I was tied up" meaning she would feel so weird she couldn't reach an O. She couldn't for the life of her understand why a woman would like that. So, that was her view, and i know "to each his own." But being that she had absolutely NO desire for it, I'm curious as to why some women enjoy it. At what point did you know you would like it? Did someone introduce it to you, did you see it in a movie and think it would be fun, or has it always just been a fantasy?
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Old 06-04-2012, 09:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

I don't view it the way your wife did.

For me, it's a turn on that he can do whatever he wants. It's giving up control. That doesn't mean the encounter has to be rough/dominant... it can still feel sensual and teasing and loving while still not having any control on what happens. Of course, it's not really that way because I trust the pants off him and know that at any moment I could say "game over" and restraints would be gone without question. We don't have an under-the-bed system or anything to that extent. I wouldn't say it was a favorite thing. Grabbing his ass is my favorite thing, so hands free! But it's good from time to time. Just thought I'd help kick off your thread.

I don't remember when I knew I'd like this. I used to flirtatiously cross my arms at the wrists with my arms above my head, just teasing and knowing the image that would bring to his mind, and he grabbed the tie off my dressing robe...
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Old 06-04-2012, 09:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

Never thought I would say this but I like restraints. This is something that my husband has always been into but only recently have I given it a chance. I had half tried before but never gave it a chance because I didn't understand WHY my husband liked it so it made me uncomfortable until we really talked about it.

I think it is fun but you have to have complete and total trust in your partner to do this. You also need to set boundaries before hand so it doesn't ruin the moment.

I am having a hard time putting into words WHY I like it. I guess I like the idea of him having full control.

I never thought I would like it but I think the key is it was finally given a shot under the right circumstances. He used to try and get me to do it when I was drunk since my inhibitions were completely gone I would agree to it then but end up hating it and not wanting to spoil the mood I would just go along with it and feel like he was taking advantage of me being drunk. A couple months back I approached him about it when things were getting "stale" and since I knew what I was getting into it was a much much better experience.
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Old 06-04-2012, 10:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

From the responses, it seems that the husband being in control and being able to do what he wanted for a time is the enjoyable part, which makes perfect sense since one is restrained, so I guess my x just didn't like that feeling.

I enjoyed it and described it the same way. She did it to me a few times to please me, but she never seemed to understand why i liked it, and she certainly didn't want it done to her. Like heartsbeating, we kept it sensual; being rough or torture was never something either wanted. I just thought it was such a turn on to have her in control and me not be able to do anything about it.

I just wanted a woman's view. It just seemed like a very playful, spicy thing to me. Is this considered a normal thing among couples to add spice, or is it considered a bit extreme. I never felt weird for wanting to do it with my wife, but she thought I had lost my marbles. She didn't think it was something that normal couples did.

Last edited by southbound; 06-04-2012 at 10:25 PM.
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Old 06-04-2012, 10:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

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Originally Posted by southbound View Post
I just wanted a woman's view. It just seemed like a very playful, spicy thing to me. Is this considered a normal thing among couples to add spice, or is it considered a bit extreme. I never felt weird for wanting to do it with my wife, but she thought I had lost my marbles. She didn't think it was something that normal couples did.
I wouldn't consider this to be extreme at all. And you hadn't lost your marbles.

enoughisenough has a good point too...that it's often the one being restrained who is receiving the pleasure. The focus is on their pleasure. Although, not all the time mind you, and that can also be good.
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Old 06-04-2012, 10:31 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

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Originally Posted by southbound View Post
From the responses, it seems that the husband being in control and being able to do what he wanted for a time is the enjoyable part, which makes perfect sense since one is restrained, so I guess my x just didn't like that feeling.
I have restrained my husband too.... and it becomes all about the tease.
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Old 06-04-2012, 10:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

Not a woman, but still feel entitled to respond.

Wife and me do it often and love it, our best sexual experiences (Don't remember how many times they took steel handcuffs away from me at airport customs).

Thing is, she had a pretty lame sex-life before we met and if anyone told her about something like that she would probably have reported him.

Many years ago I was at a Tony Robbins DWD at the Gold Coast and Tony asked into the crowd (400 people, about 250 women): "Who of the women in this room would like to be raped one day?" To my surprise, even on this question, two women raised their hands.
Then he continued: "Now, imagine, you walk home from a party, you wear your sexiest black dress, all alone, your way leads through a dark alley. Suddenly, right in front of you appears a muscular built, tall stranger, his blue eyes look straight into yours and they leave do doubt about his intentions. You have nowhere to run. He grabs you and, without exchanging even a word, takes you." (I can't recall the exact words, but it was something really tasty).
80% of the women raised their hands.
Then he said: "Yeah! Because that's so different."

I believe it is all in the introduction and which picture you create for her. What worked for me is that I never talked about it. Just at one point early on I blindfolded her (gently). She loved that as it puts her attention totally on feeling her body (which is good), not on watching (which can be terrifying). Then I slowly tied her up and started trying some toys on her (always gently at first).

I know until this day this was the most remarkable experience for her.

The mean thing of me was that I took a picture of her when she was lying there all tied up. Later on, when we cooled down, I showed it to her. She was shocked. And I know for sure that, had I tried to talk to her that this is what I wanted and if she wanted to try it, she would probably have called 911.
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Old 06-04-2012, 11:05 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

I love it.. It is more of a control thing though.. If i am all tied up he is in compete conrtol of what ever happens and vice versa.
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:07 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

I'm like your wife. There is no way I would allow anyone to tie me down. I would panic. I mean really panic.

I could have something to do with previous life experiences.

I panic if anyone puts their hands around my neck.. because when I was 21 I was attacked. The guy tried to stangle me and drag me into an empty field.

After that I cannot trust anyone enough to give them control.

Now my husband has allowed me to tie him up and that was fun. I know double standards.
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:16 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Renegade View Post
Not a woman, but still feel entitled to respond.

Wife and me do it often and love it, our best sexual experiences (Don't remember how many times they took steel handcuffs away from me at airport customs).

Thing is, she had a pretty lame sex-life before we met and if anyone told her about something like that she would probably have reported him.

Many years ago I was at a Tony Robbins DWD at the Gold Coast and Tony asked into the crowd (400 people, about 250 women): "Who of the women in this room would like to be raped one day?" To my surprise, even on this question, two women raised their hands.
Then he continued: "Now, imagine, you walk home from a party, you wear your sexiest black dress, all alone, your way leads through a dark alley. Suddenly, right in front of you appears a muscular built, tall stranger, his blue eyes look straight into yours and they leave do doubt about his intentions. You have nowhere to run. He grabs you and, without exchanging even a word, takes you." (I can't recall the exact words, but it was something really tasty).
80% of the women raised their hands.
Then he said: "Yeah! Because that's so different."

I believe it is all in the introduction and which picture you create for her. What worked for me is that I never talked about it. Just at one point early on I blindfolded her (gently). She loved that as it puts her attention totally on feeling her body (which is good), not on watching (which can be terrifying). Then I slowly tied her up and started trying some toys on her (always gently at first).

I know until this day this was the most remarkable experience for her.

The mean thing of me was that I took a picture of her when she was lying there all tied up. Later on, when we cooled down, I showed it to her. She was shocked. And I know for sure that, had I tried to talk to her that this is what I wanted and if she wanted to try it, she would probably have called 911.
I really love being restrained. I love being dominated by my boyfriend.

However the idea that women would love to be raped not so. Sexual assault/ rape is very different to having sex with someone you love and and who loves you.

I have no desire to be raped by a stranger no matter how good looking. :/
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Old 06-05-2012, 02:50 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

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I really love being restrained. I love being dominated by my boyfriend.

However the idea that women would love to be raped not so. Sexual assault/ rape is very different to having sex with someone you love and and who loves you.

I have no desire to be raped by a stranger no matter how good looking. :/
Just to be clear: I'm not advocating rape (Neither is Tony, I'm sure.)
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Old 06-05-2012, 03:16 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

rape fantasies are very common, doesn't mean we want them to become reality!

the feeling of submitting and giving up control is very liberating, although there has to be trust there to really make it a full experience. I love to have my arms pinned above my head with one hand and my hair pulled with the other - so sexy!

but to be on the other side is good too - to have a man totally at your mercy and not knowing what is coming next is the ultimate ride!
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Old 06-05-2012, 03:31 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

As a man I like the idea of restraing my wife but feel very uneasy with the subject. Sometimes myself I wonder why I want to do this to her and why this should excite me. I dont just fantasise about tying her to the bed but about tying her completley ie wrist and ankles. I somtimes feel this is wrong to want this. Its good to get a female perspective and I really cant bring myself to discuss this with her
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Old 06-05-2012, 03:35 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

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As a man I like the idea of restraing my wife but feel very uneasy with the subject. Sometimes myself I wonder why I want to do this to her and why this should excite me. I dont just fantasise about tying her to the bed but about tying her completley ie wrist and ankles. I somtimes feel this is wrong to want this. Its good to get a female perspective and I really cant bring myself to discuss this with her
Seriously! Don't discuss it. Introduce it to her through soft playing. Let her feel it, not hear it.
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Old 06-05-2012, 05:51 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ladies who like restraints.

My wife loves to be restrained.
Very feisty lady, a bit petite in built.
I am 225 lbs ,6' 6" and muscular built [ I work out in the gym ]
Some years ago we were " pillow fighting" in the bedroom , and I pinned her down on my desk. She had this " look " in her eyes that could only mean one thing........
The rest is history.

As for me, restraints is not my cup of tea. I only do it because of how it makes her feel.

Last edited by Caribbean Man; 06-05-2012 at 05:58 AM.
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