That is a great post deejov. Maybe it makes me a bad person, I don't know, but I can really relate to not being able to use my wife for a simple physical release. Some girlfriends in the past, yes. But my wife? No. And I can't imagine that she would be receptive to that either.
I guess I'm just not willing to reduce my wife to a simple sex object to be used. I get the impression that some wives may be open to that as a small part of an overall good sex life, but for me I think it would be the beginning of the end for us.
This is where I think the LD/HD battle of wills starts... one is usually willing to give more, the other doesn't want it simply given... this used to be an issue with my dh and I. Just because I was not as horny as him, didn't mean I wasn't willing to take the time, to love him. Initially however (young and nieve) I resisted but then I was like I love him, I don't want him going somewhere else, etc, so I started giving more willingly... but then he started complaining about that, that I wasn't getting off, I was like well it was for you... not me, and I wasnt a fish, I participated for him! It was a no win situation for me, because either way he was pissed, say no he's pissed do it and not get into it myself he isn't happy and the tremendous amount of pressure was unreal so we went through a rough patch, except him because he always got off, whether he says it was the "type of sex" he wanted at the time or not... that's what I don't get about men... but in any case...
So then he agrees to meet me in the middle, to tone down his level and me amp mine up, but more on my own in my mind so that I am also happy with our sex life... so that goes on a while and things are good. Then, (hormones) my drive picks up, things are going along great, and BAM his drops out.... so now I see how it feels. It sucks. It sucks to just want some closeness and your spouse says no because they think something innocent means you want sex.... I would LOVE to see THOSE Men talk in here, not the same pissed off ones who refuse to compromise, or who have wives who refuse to compromise. For the record he is 35. Just over the last 10 months working out, dropped like 25 lbs, muscled up, looks great.... says he loves me, isn't interested in anyone else.... but then again some of the things I read on here, many men stay with their wives for their kids, and put on happy faces (I did at one point think he was interested in someone else)... We have been working on our relationship, but the desire just isn't there... (perfect example I come home today for lunch, we lay on the couch together he says I'm thinking... I said, oh about what? he said you naked and fell asleep about two minutes later) Nice huh... and I have lost weight too..... weigh less then I ever have since I met him (by a pound or two) so do I believe the one post on here that says he just doesn't want it with me? Because he is a man? He wants it somewhere? just not with me? I'm just curious because y'all are a curious bunch.... hard to understand and hard to figure out... and this is a crazy struggle.... he used to be so full of life, so touchy feely, even despite being turned down, never stopped him, he was groping, peeking tom in the shower, etc... now I barely get any of that... so the men who are not getting it from their wives under these types of circumstances, have they found it somewhere else? Clearly he is too young to have low T issues.